So I finally got my permanent absentee mail-in ballot for the June 7 primary. While I’ve voted in every election since I was 18, and I’ve voted in primary elections, this is the first primary election I’ve voted as a member of the Democratic Party.
So, going down the line:
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: (7 candidates)
Ha. Yeah. If you don’t know who to vote for here, you sure as hell aren’t going to listen to anything I have to say about it. And if you do know who to vote for here, you really aren’t going to listen to anything I have to say about it. My surprise is seeing seven names here. Who the hell are all these people?
MEMBER, PARTY COUNTY COMMITTEE, 36TH assembly district: (15 candidates)
Oh fuck. What the hell is this? I’ve never had to vote for this before — probably because I’ve never been an actual member of an actual political party before. I need to vote for seven of these people. Only three have bothered to fill out bios at votersedge.org, and of those only two have any information.
Well, I can vote for up to seven. Here’s hoping only voting for two doesn’t invalidate my ballot.
United states senator: (34 candidates)
So, because we’ve gone top two for some appalling reason, candidates from all parties show up and the top two get to go on to the general, but I’m sure it won’t THIRTY FOUR CANDIDATES?!?
Sweet Baby Jesus in a roasting pan. Every cross-eyed lunatic in the state is on this list. Hell, I had to check twice to make sure I wasn’t on it. Who the hell am I supposed to vote for? Kamala Harris? Loretta Sanchez? President Grappo? The L.A. County Dems endorsement page says Kamala Harris, so as much as the idea of Senator President charms me, that’s where I’m going on this one.
united states representative, 23rd district: (4 candidates)
Three Republicans and one Democrat. Yeah. So, anyway, Wendy Reed is taking on House Majority Leader “That Bastard”* Kevin McCarthy. Go to her website to support her and throw her some money if you can. I don’t know how progressive she is, but she’s Goddamn more progressive than McCarthy.
State Senator, 21st district: (4 candidates)
Even split between Democrats and Republicans here. Johnathon Levar Erwin is the president of the Democratic Club of the High Desert, the oldest Democratic club in the Antelope Valley, and the one I tried to go to and no one showed up. Yeah.
Steve Hill, on the other hand, is an atheist and member of the Satanic Temple. Yeah. Major “piss off the neighbors” points for this guy. Wonder if he has yard signs? I’ve tried everything else to keep the Lancaster Baptist Church from coming over to try to get me to attend services, up to and including stating that I’d rather be shot in the head.
Yeah, this one’s a coin flip. Well, a dice roll. I am an old-school pencil-and-paper RPG gamer.
member of the state assembly, 36th district: (4 candidates)
Well, Steve Fox was the assemblyman when we moved here and pretty much helped make California governable. Of course, he immediately lost to Tom Lackey, Republican former Palmdale City Councilman, who immediately sent out cards to all his new constituents promising to defend their rights to gun ownership in the state assembly.
Yeah.
There’s another Democrat, Darren Parker, but unless there’s some astounding reason I find not to vote for Fox that’s where I’m going on this one.
county supervisor, 5th district: (8 candidates)
The last fun one. Bob Huff, Republican State Senator, has signs all over the place saying “We Deserve Better”. Yeah, Bob. We deserve better than you.
The L.A. Democrats are endorsing Darrell Park. Works for me.
I’d like to tell you more about the wonderful conversations I’ve had with local Democrats, the voter registration drive I’m helping with, the Democratic HQ we have set up in Lancaster...but I can’t because nobody responds to my emails. So it goes. I’ll keep trying over the summer, but I don’t know.
*All perjoratives are mine and not necessarily the views of the Democratic Party candidates and not endorsed by them. But come on. They nominated Donald Trump.