As Democrats begin to unite behind Secretary Hillary Clinton national poll numbers are becoming harder to ignore. “It looks like it could shape up to be a landslide”, said one Republican operative who refused to be named; adding, “This could be a historic defeat for the GOP.”
Reince Preibus of the RNC spelled out the problem in more detail. “Basically it comes down to this, people really don't like Donald Trump. But we think they like Republicans more than Hillary Clinton. However we ran in to a problem. When we ran polling against Hillary all of the candidates failed miserably. None of the recent batch Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, etc. polled with in 10 points of her. We started looking at other big names in the party like Mitch McConnel or Paul Ryan and they were worse. That’s when we hit on this bold new idea — we won’t announce who the candidate is until AFTER the election day. Voters will just have to trust us that it’ll be a Republican other than Donald Trump. Some one of high moral character and impeccable GOP credentials on issues like defense, foreign policy, and financial matters.”
When reached for his opinion on this latest development the current GOP nominee Donald Trump had this to say, “While I sue that low-energy pipsqueak if he thinks he can steal the nomination from me! He’s probably a filthy Mexican! Heh, I doubt he’s really an American! Where’s his birth certificate?”
Prominent GOP leaders were quick to endorse the new candidate. Paul Ryan was quoted as saying, “I like his plan for lowering government spending. I haven’t heard all the details but I’m sure it’s as well thought out as mine.” John McCain praised his foreign policy, “I heard he plans on confronting Russian and Chinese military build ups, especially in Iran and Czechoslovakia.” Sarah Palin declared she was “Proud that the GOP would be running a woman to counter that ‘rhymes with witch’ running as a Dumb-o-crat.”
When asked about whether such a move would be Constitutional Mr. Preibus was quick to point to the election of 2000 and noted that what ever the 8 member court is unable to decide will probably be “good enough” come election day.
One final note, in the latest polls “Unnamed Republican” still trails Hillary Clinton by 4 points nationally. “That’s better than Trump was doing”, said another Republican pollster who wished to remain anonymous, “So this could be a great strategy for the GOP in 2016.”