The Republican National Convention sure sounds like it is shaping up to be a stupendous affair. It’ll have the presumptive nominee himself. It’ll have the only McDonald’s delivery driver in the world, Chris Christie. It’ll have a guy who can actually match Donald Trump in divorces, Newt Gingrich.
But you know the one thing America likes more than bloated Right-Wing Politicians who have overstayed their welcome on the national stage?
That’s right: Movie stars. Celebrities. Rock and Rollers.
If there’s one thing Donald Trump is known for, other than the racism and sexism and fraud and being roasted, it’s his ability to attract the biggest stars.
How else to describe some of the great alumni of his Celebrity Apprentice? Who else is better at bringing in all the A-list stars who spend time between filming blockbusters gassing up the Republican Party machine, than Donald Trump?
And, as anyone could have easily predicted, for his Convention that is already jam-packed with speakers and political elite, he has managed to bag some pretty hefty starpower.
GOP-friendly rock stars Kid Rock, Dave Navarro and Mark McGrath are all scheduled to play the Republican National Convention
Oh snap, Kid Rock? Could you imagine if, after his set, Trump gave him a chance to give a speech himself? Hillary must be quaking in her sheriffs’ badges. Just don’t ask him to Facetweet.
Only one Hollywood actor -- Stephen Baldwin – confirmed that he would be there to show his support for Trump’s candidacy.
Boom. Trump just landed the one Hollywood actor so coveted for events, nobody would bother to invite him. Because. He’s. That. Unattainable.
Of course, the convention is already shaping up to be such an elite, high-profile affair, even some of the bestest of the best celebrities couldn’t get their names on the list.
FOX411 reached out to well-known Republican-leaning celebrities including Willie Robertson, Vince Vaughn, Tim Allen, Dean Cain, and Jon Voight, all of whose reps said they had no Cleveland flights booked.
Suck it Vaugh. You missed your chance at the Trumpstravaganza. Maybe you can call in the favor Jon Favreau owes you for Swingers and he can get you in the Democratic Convention later. And Willie Robertson? Please. The Trump style is far too refined for camo and facial hair.
We also reached out to big self-avowed Trump fans including Tom Brady, Bobby Knight, Donnie Wahlberg, Charlie Sheen, Gary Busey, Mark Teixeira, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris and Scott Baio, but none of them returned our calls.
Oh, sorry Trump. Scott Baio can’t make it. He’s too busy watching glaciers NOT melt.
At the very least, I think the Republican National Convention will have at least one major relevant superstar: whoever the hell is directing the Donald Trump Presidential Campaign. Because I predict they will win the Oscar for best comedy next year.