Anytime an opinion piece is titled “Obama is too incompetent to pull off a coup,” you know it’s going to be full of delicious crazy. Dare we take a closer look?
Turkey’s failed coup, combined with the disastrous disunity and polarization in the United States thanks to Barack Obama, have gotten people talking about whether it could happen here.
People! Are talking! People like … Glenn Reynolds, who used to be a thing in the early days of blogging.
So what if next January Obama and his barely post-puberty band of juice box screw-ups in the West Wing decide they don’t want to leave?
Hmm. What if? I mean, some people are talking! What more evidence do you need of a deep, deep, secular liberal plot to usurp the Constitution by coup?
So, could Barack Obama pull off a coup to keep himself in power rather than turn over the keys to the Oval Office?
Of course not. At the outset, what makes you think he would suddenly become competent enough to pull off that kind of sophisticated scheme, especially with him leading from behind the wheel of the Ivy League clown car that is his administration?
Well, if you’re stupid enough to think this is even a thing that should be discussed, then you’re stupid enough to think Obama could pull it off. I mean, for someone who is “incompetent,” he sure has “rammed through” a shit ton of things the right hates, amiright?
These twits can’t even beat a bunch of Bedouin banditos sitting out in the open in the middle of a desert.
John McCain and Mitt Romney totally agree.
But it never pays to rely solely on the incompetence of your opponents, so let’s run through a scenario and see how it plays out.
Donald Trump gets elected, snatching Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Michigan from Hillary when the people liberals have spent the last half-century dumping on get mad and vote.
If you add Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Michigan to Romney’s totals, it gives Donald Trump 260 Electoral Votes, still shy of the 270 to win. But who’s counting? None of this is operating within any real plane of reality!
Gracious as always, Trump’s victory speech promises that Attorney General Chris Christie’s first job will be to investigate and prosecute Pantsuit von Pervenabler and President Faily McWorsethanCarter.
Trump would probably call them that, so this part is probably accurate.
That gets Obama’s attention faster than a delicious doggie at dinner time. His post-presidency plans involve sucking up the residual adulation of the idiots who love him; they don’t involve dodging subpoenas and maybe even indictments. Hillary, after she sobers up, calls him and shrieks that he has to do something. Obama quickly says, “Valerie, it’s for you” and hands over the phone, but it’s quite clear – this whole peaceful transition of power thing just can’t happen. Plus, he tells himself, the rule of law is racist anyway. And so the coup plotting begins.
Yeah, all that is plausible.
Now, a coup is generally a small group of people quickly seizing power, often bloodlessly. This is in contrast to a civil war, which is usually neither quick nor bloodless.
Now this is a brain. This is in contrast to this, which is a brain on whatever this guy is injecting—between his toes, because all the veins in his arms have already collapsed.
In the American system, it would likely mean one part of the government (here, the executive) moving to essentially unmoor itself from the checks and balances of the other branches. In other words, it would be Obama doing what he has tried to do for the last eight years, except with guns.
Obama has been coup-ing for eight years! Except he rounded up all the guns so he had none to finish off his coup.
So, how does one pull off a coup in the United States? It’s actually harder than it appears.
You see, the military wouldn’t be so interested to help Obama out because—no, not their duty to defend the Constitution, but because … transexuals!
The next challenge is to get the troops to actually do it. “Wait, colonel” says Captain Smith of Rapid City, South Dakota. “You want me to take my infantry company into Washington? And maybe shoot American citizens? Sir, did you start at the O club a little early today?”
Rats! Thus, Obama’s dastardly plan to impose Sharia Law is thwarted by courageous Captain Smith even though the New York Times and CNN were cheerleading the coup. Sigh. And don’t forget how Texas would lead the counter-revolution!
Governor Abbot has most of an infantry division that works for him. All the other loyal governors have forces too. And, it being their home, those local boys and girls will fight.
Thus, Obama’s pretend coup ends in humiliating failure. Because AMERICA!
So, in the end, Obama will leave in January, and good riddance. Wargaming the possibility of the elite trying to retain its grip on power is an amusing exercise, but in the end, it’s those damn bitter clingers who would once again mess up the liberals’ scheme. Of course, we know those bitter clingers as something else – patriots.
Yup, that was our liberal scheme. A coup. If it wasn’t for those meddling bitter-enders!
Well, if you can’t beat him in real life, I guess making up insane scenarios is the closest they’ll ever get to truly defeating him.