To the Principal of my younger daughter’s high school:
I have spent the last near-18 years teaching my youngest child, my daughter, how to think for herself in preparation for going out into the real world. I have exposed her to different cultures and listened to her when she did the same for me. We’ve talked politics. We’ve talked homework. We’ve talked about diversity and about how to accept others. I have done everything in my power to teach her how to think and part of that was getting her into your school. You offered specific instruction in things that interest her, and your mostly young teaching staff have been great about bringing in outside views to think about and respond to. She has learned skills that are pertinent to her interests. You’ve helped her learn a second language. She’s made friends. While some of this has been rocky overall the experience has been worth it.
She is now a senior, and she’s going to college. As far as I’m concerned that’s a success. But you’re now doing something I would not expect and quite frankly I take issue with. It’s all about something seeming simple – yearbook photos. The decision has been made that girls will wear something that looks like a blouse or dress, while boys will wear dress shirt, a vest and a tie. You’ve never asked for uniforms at your school and for me personally that would have disqualified it as acceptable. I firmly believe in my child’s, and your child’s, right to expression in how they dress. I have never put any limits on this – you’ve seen my child with purple hair and knee socks that look like cats. She is an individual and I’m proud of that.
And now you want to sum up her childhood and transition into adulthood by putting her in a box labelled “girl”.
Not acceptable. In fact, what the ever-lovin’ HELL is wrong with you?
When I was a child that age my mother had me get a haircut and wear a suit. I hated it. It wasn’t me, but that’s the photo legacy. I don’t have a copy of that photo. The photos I always refer to for me at that age show me in jeans and a T-shirt, long hair, and a wise-assed grin on my face. But that was 30 million years ago in the modern world and no one had computers, let alone the internet and social media. What you’re doing right now is putting a label on my youngest and saying FIT IN. In an age where everyone in her age group shares everything everywhere it’s branding her as something she is not.
No.
My daughter has informed me that she plans to wear a shirt, vest and tie. She can have one of my ties just for the purpose. She’s not trying to break the rules – she’s trying just to be herself.
I am more proud of that than I think you comprehend.
So when she shows up, take the photo as she is. She’s not a box labelled “girl”. She’s herself. She’s one of a kind.
That’s how she has the right to remember herself at this age.