Civility.
As many of you know, our friend (of 54 years) Elaine passed away Friday. We spent most of yesterday with her good friend and her daughter reminiscing, looking at photos, and writing her obituary. We also planned her memorial, which will be next Sunday. I will speak, just as I did at her husband’s memorial in the same venue 10 years ago. Writing an obituary tends to focus one’s mind on personal mortality and it brought to mind a newspaper essay I read when I first moved to California. It told the story of a guy’s thoughts; “Oh, when I get out of work tonight, I can enjoy...when the weekend comes, what fun I’ll have….when I get my vacation, then life will be great…..when the kids graduate, we’ll have time to…...when I retire, then I can do…...” And it ended with “and he never lived at all.” This is a paraphrase of an elegant essay which made a big impression on the then-30 year old side pocket. Since then the phrase “seize the day” has become such a common meme that it blends into the background, so I say it’s worth repeating and taken to heart…….carpe diem.
Our conversations yesterday included our personal observations on the lack of civility in daily life and how it is getting worse. Many anecdotes about impatient and impolite drivers, both autos and motorcycles, ignoring rules and laws and giving the finger to everyone in the way. Road rage is common now but since we were in Mill Valley, where we lived for ten years, it reminded me of a soft-road-rage I witnessed 30+ years ago.
When we moved to Mill Valley in 1968 it was quaint and was only beginning to be “discovered”. There were average cars, decorated VW vans, service vehicles, hippie vans, and a few high end automobiles.
I was driving my van, seen here, on one of the two routes out of town. There is a place where two lanes merge into one. To effect the merge depends on a certain amount of civility, politeness, and good sense. Just ahead of me were two Mercedes, new and shiny. Each thought they had the right of way, or actually the right of privilege.
One bumped the side of the other. Rather than stopping, the second one bumped the side of the first. Which was reciprocated back and forth for a good quarter mile. Bash! smash! pow! wham!. the sides of the cars were crumpled, but the action was gentle enough that no-one was getting hurt. I was following right behind and was laughing so hard I almost went off the road myself. I looked for a report later in the local paper, but never found one.
Do you see good manners diminishing at an increasing rate? Are manners even considered anymore, since everyone is on their phones and there is no more social interaction? Were things better in the olden days?
I will be civil and polite and not excoriate anyone not here because of the debate. It’s a valid excuse….just this once.
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