So I’m at the dog park with my buddy Duque today (he’s the one on the right in the picture). We go four or five times a week, so we pretty much know everyone there.
Today there was a new guy there, sitting with an older man who is a semi-regular who I’ve never said more than “hello” to. As Duque and I are walking by, the guy says to me
“So you’re voting for Trump, right?”
I said “No, I’m voting for Clinton.”
“Why on Earth would you do that?”
“Because I like her policies and I don’t like his.” (At this point, I didn’t feel much like starting a political argument. I’m there so Duque can run around.)
“That makes you a traitor.” (Said with a perfectly friendly smile. I was a bit taken aback.)
“No, that makes me a patriotic, liberal American.”
“A traitor.” (Still said with a smile. Now I’m getting pissed but I still don’t really want to argue.)
“Yeah well, fuck you too.” (The older guy chuckles. I start to walk away and Duque follows.)
But of course those of y’all who know my temperament probably know I couldn’t leave it there. So about half a minute later I wander back, smile my most insincere smile and say
“You know, I was going to leave it there. I would never call someone a traitor because of how they vote, even if they’re a fat, ignorant redneck prick. But there is a traitor in this election and it’s Donald Trump, because he’s a wholly owned asset of Russian intelligence.”
The guy’s not smiling any more and the older guy is laughing hard. I smile sweetly and walk away again.
As we’re walking away, I said to Duque “now you know I was counting on you to rip his throat out if he started to beat the shit out of me, right?” Duque’s only response was SQUIRREL! as he raced away.
OK, I know this was juvenile of me, but it felt good.