Halloween is closing in, soon after it will be Election Day, and our long spooky nightmare will be over. But until then, watch out! To hear some GOP leaders tell it, legions of animated corpses will be limping and crawling the predawn streets thru early November, moaning out their one driving compulsion: vote, VO-O-O-O-TE!
So you’ll be relieved to know that Mr. Trump and his followers are committed to a fair election where ghouls can cast no votes:
Donald Trump has raised unfounded fears that the Nov. 8 election will be “rigged” by illegitimate ballots cast by undocumented immigrants, people voting multiple times, and “dead people.” All of them, he claims, will vote for Hillary Clinton. He has called on his supporters to go “watch” voters in “certain areas” to ensure no fraud is committed, directing them to communities with large black populations like Philadelphia and Chicago.
Conservatives will be on guard in Pennsylvania and elsewhere, against any dead people voting—regardless of party or ideology (although alt-right polls show the dearly departed harbor a totally unfair liberal bias). But it’s unclear exactly how these patriotic, vigilant conservatives will prevent the dead from casting a ballot.
If a zombie comes staggering up to a polling place, tattered flesh and contagious to boot, voting will be the least of everyone’s immediate problem and it probably wouldn’t take a trained “poll watcher” to see the potential undead fraud. And if it’s a ghost committing the act, well the whole thing about ghosts is they can be really sneaky. So it’s hard to see how anyone, no matter how brave or alert, will make much of a difference if corpse Americans and poltergeists GOTV beyond projected undead turnout.
What is more likely is “poll watchers” will mass by the ones and twos around a few inner city voting centers with side arms displayed, conspicuously or accidentally on-purpose, in the hopeless hope that, somehow, this will boost Republicans and save the day. Which is about as likely as the walking dead turning up en masse early on November 8 and politely asking for a ballot. Otherwise known as a zombie lie …
Hey, come to think of it, that might make a most excellent costume this year: zombie voter from the grave. Just stay away from polling places manned by wing nut vigilantes, that could get you double-tapped. Happy Halloween 2016!