In this case, Verizon.
Here’s a nice gripe that has Absolutely Nothing To Do With the Big Orange Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Back in the Dark Ages, I had a cell phone and my best friend did not. My friend — let’s call her Brunhilda — lives thousands of miles away, so it’s not like we could go for coffee together. At this point, we’ve been friends for about forty-five years. We have History. We talk. It got really expensive for me, my cell phone talking to her landline. (Her husband would not buy her a cell phone for Reasons.) So I got her a phone and put her on my plan. It saved me a lot of money. It also proved a lifesaver for her, for Reasons.
All went just fine until about a year ago, when the quality of our Verizon connection started to deteriorate. By summer, it was at the point where the calls would not hold for more than a couple of minutes before dropping.
So I called Verizon. I got a nice customer service person who assured me that Brunhilda was in an area with excellent coverage, according to her maps. I asked for a technical support person, since her maps did not reflect the reality on the ground. (I had already done a web search for complaints, and Brunhilda was not the only person in that neighborhood having problems.)
The technical support person sent a tech out to the area to investigate. The tech went hither and thither and tested this and that, and reported back to Brunhilda, who relayed the report to me.
The tech agreed that she had effectively no coverage in her house and very little on her property. The cell towers that she could almost see from her house had apparently been realigned, and her neighborhood was almost a dead zone for Verizon coverage. The tech said that at least five of her neighbors who were on Verizon were using “network extenders”. The tech gave her the service ticket number and offered four possible solutions.
1. To use her cell phone, she could talk a walk down the street to where the coverage was better. I’m almost positive this was meant as a joke.
2. Use Internet calling.
3. Buy a network extender.
4. Switch to another provider, and Verizon would forgive any early termination fees.
I call Verizon, provide the ticket number, and ask for explanations.
1. Yeah, no.
2. But that would require her to be within range of her router. She might as well use a cordless landline. She’d lose the coverage when she went into her back yard or took the trash to the curb.
3. What the hell is a “network extender”? I ask. Apparently, it’s a thing that boosts the Verizon signal. What’s the range? About 30 feet. So the difference between the network extender and internet calling is $250 to buy the thing. In other words, not a viable solution.
4. Okay, we’re going with switching providers. The customer service person reviews all the notes and agrees that I am eligible for the no-early-termination-fee option.
Brunhilda’s husband decides it’s time to put her on his plan. He’s with Sprint. He goes through the conniptions of getting her a new phone while keeping her phone number.
I call Verizon back and ask that they verify there will be no early termination fee. This customer service person says No, it should not be charged, but she can’t do anything until the new bill is actually generated.
The new bill is generated. It includes a $280 early termination fee.
I call Verizon again. The nice customer service person says he can’t possibly remove the early termination fee. He could only do that if she switches back to Verizon, buys a network extender, and proves that the network extender doesn’t solve the problem.
Much back and forth. I once had a New Yorker cartoon that had a businesswoman and a couple of businessmen sitting talking. The woman says, “What I’m proposing is this: No.”
That was my position. I tell customer service guy that I want to talk to his manager. He says certainly, and trots off. A while later, he comes back and says his manager says they can’t forgive the entire fee, but because I’ve been such a good customer for such a long time, they can negotiate $80 off.
I say this is not negotiable. This has already been agreed, I say. His solution is not acceptable, and they are going to remove the fee.
He maintains his position.
I ask why there is an early termination fee in the first place.
He says it’s because when a customer buys a phone from Verizon on contract, the customer gets a big discount, and it’s under the agreement that the customer will stay with Verizon for the full period of the contract.
I point out that Brunhilda bought her phone at full retail price.
Guess who won?
Yes. I won.
I swear I’d switch carriers if I had any reason to believe another carrier would be any better. BTW, since Brunhilda switched to Sprint, we haven’t had any problems with the calls dropping. On the other hand, we often can’t tell what the other is saying. It’s definitely not a “pin-drop” connection. But at least it’s a connection.
Now let me tell you about my Galaxy Note 7. You know, the exploding phone? Yeah.