I’ve debated telling my story, but here goes. Years ago, as a single woman, I met someone whose company I enjoyed. At the time I met him, he was actively involved in AA, seemed to have a humility I respected, and was the single dad of a 3-year old (he was granted sole custody based on ex-wife’s drug issues). We had some ups and downs, but two and a half years later bought a house together, in a neighborhood with good schools for his son.
Well, it didn’t take long for his true personality to show, but by then I felt trapped. Partly because of the real estate market, but mostly because I had seen his flashes of anger and wanted to be a support system for his son (and I should also mention I never saw anything that rose to the level of a reportable offense, but definitely saw verbal abuse and fear and intimidation).
The other thing that became apparent over the years was his died in the wool conservatism. He knew I had voted for Obama, and that I was a Democrat. Things I heard: libtard, you’re just jealous of Sarah Palin because of her looks, that’s why you don’t like her, way too much Bill O’Reilly, Obama was not born in the US because of some typeface on the birth certificate, etc etc etc. And in anger I heard worse. In the middle of one argument, in front of his son, he screamed at me that I was a “baby killer”. Why? Because I was pro-choice (mind you I’ve never been pregnant, much less had an abortion — at least partly thanks to Planned Parenthood).
But here’s the worse I heard, and why I know racism runs deep in the Trump camp. We were having a fairly civil conversation, and he said something that to this day I am ashamed of myself for sitting through and not getting up and leaving the relationship right then and there. I said something to the effect “I can’t believe you just said that” but I didn’t leave, and I should have.
Fortunately I did start to see a counselor, in addition to receiving spiritual counseling from a nun at a Jesuit retreat center not too far away. I was in tears one day, feeling so torn, and she said to me “God didn’t put you on this earth to enable his anger”. That was the day that for me it was over. I kept my plans to myself, found a place to live, gave him notice at 7:30 one morning, and had movers there 15 minutes later.
I am now friends on FB with his son (now 15). he’s an active DJT supporter, which can only come from what he hears at home. I hope he gets a chance to separate and find himself, and someday find the courage and insight to fight against the bullies like I saw him do as a younger child.
And if the bulk of the die hard Trump supporters are like my ex, we’re in for a rough ride. It will take energy and focus to fight back. But I refuse to let them have the last say. We as a society cannot afford what they have to offer. I’ve never felt the need to fight back as hard politically as I do now, and it’s largely because of what I experienced in the not too distant past.
As always, thank you for reading.