From the desk of Jonathan Swift:
President Donald J. Trump has reported that his predecessor, Barack Hussein Obama had authorized wire tapping of Trump’s signature monument and residence, Trump Tower, in an attempt to influence the 2016 election. President Trump has advised that this nefarious action is akin to Watergate and smacks of McCarthyism.
This is a serious allegation and represents a true threat to our democratic process. According to Trump, Barack Hussein Obama is a “bad (sick)guy.” Therefore, I call upon President Trump to immediately launch an investigation into this matter. He must at once release all information that led to this discovery, including the names of all parties involved. I also call on the House of Representatives and the Senate to hold open hearings regarding all aspects of this witch hunt and to release to the public any information obtained by investigative organizations such as the FBI and CIA. And finally, to protect the integrity of the President and to remove all innuendo intended to besmirch his reputation, I demand complete release of the transcripts of any and all of the material obtained in this heinous operation.
In the words of President Trump, “the carnage stops right now!”
/s