Look, bub, I don’t like you. I wish you all the worst. But I love this country and this planet, so I’m going to give you some advice.
You’re embarrassing us. All of us. 320 million Americans, billions of Asians and Europeans, Latin Americans, Pacific Islanders... basically everyone outside of Russia and Assad’s house.
It is literally painful to see a grown man groveling before a thug. “Oh, I’m sorry Vladimir. Did you want my lunch money? And Crimea? Sanctions? Here, let me clean those up.”
Have you forgotten everything your daddy and Daddy 2 Mr. Cohn ever said? It sure seems like it, because every time Knuckles Putin puts out a press release through his secretaries at RT and Sputnik, there you are nodding. “Yeah, boss, you’re so smart. Did everyone hear what the boss said?”
What happened to the Big Man everyone thought they elected? The guy who answered to no one?
Why can’t you stand up to Comrade Wedgie? You owe his friends money? I really doubt anyone will be shocked if Donald John Trump announces a creditor can go suck wind. He’s got naughty tapes of you? Mr. Golden Shower Pussy Grabber? Your supporters only love you more with each revelation.
Your whole life, you’ve billed yourself as a guy who wasn’t afraid of anyone, a guy who takes what he wants and if you don’t like it, FU.
Watching you whimper, “Thank you, sir, may I have another” to such a cartoon mobster is just embarrassing.
Put a little bone in that ample back, Big Man. For the sake of your daddy’s memory, if nothing else.