This is getting ridiculous. And no, I don’t mean Trump. That man has been ridiculous since the day he was born. I’m, talking about my life, and the continuing feeling of being a hamster in a cage.
First, the update. Those of you who choose to join me on a regular basis may remember that a little while ago I posted a diary, at the bottom of which I apologized for a recent rather lengthy (at least for me) absence from the site. I had suffered an injury in a late night accident at home, and was indisposed. I had a doctors appointment scheduled, and promised to update you. Events intervened, and it slipped my mind, but here it is.
It was a level of farce almost high enough to join Trump. I had last seen my doctor in December, and the appointment was in March. The appointment was for 3:45, and they asked us to be there at 3:30. We were there at 3:20, a medical office building. We walked in the side door, down the hall and into the waiting room. My first thought was, “I sure hope the wait isn’t long!” The lights were dimmed, and there wasn’t a single thing in the waiting room, no furniture, no chairs, nothing. The two check in windows were shuttered. We walked the complex, thinking they had moved offices. A receptionist in another office told me they had moved. Suddenly. One night at 5:00 they were there, the next morning, the place was stripped, and they were gone, like that pro football team years ago that packed up in the middle of the night and skipped town. Teri called the office to find that they had moved almost 20 miles away, “consolidating offices” without bothering to advise patients. She asked why nobody had advised me of the move when I scheduled the appointment, and they couldn’t answer. Home we went.
Although we didn’t know it at the time, that was the keystone to the dam. We were already struggling with other things. After 8 years of rent decreases for renewing, the rent was gong up $55 a month. But moving was difficult, not only because Teri’s schedule made it difficult to look for a new place, but with my physical issues, actually packing and moving would be almost impossible, and there certainly wasn’t money for a mover. We decided to stay, and made the wrenching decision to give up the car, to use the payment and monthly insurance premium to cover the gap, Teri now takes the bus, which fortunately is only a block from the house, and the stop is only a block from her work. We crunched the numbers, it was tight but doable, so we stayed, and were grateful.
Then came the kill shot. To cover the deposit increase, and get the first month in while we started seeing the benefits of our cost reductions, we depended on our tax refund. That should have been in the bank by last Friday, but the IRS site shows it’s stuck in “processing”. Another mad scramble, and late charges will start accumulating on the 5th, something rare on our record.
The real problem is that we’re stuck in a vicious circle. Teri works in retail, and her paycheck is not going to scare Brad Pitt’s accountant. Physically I can’t work. But without a confirmed diagnosis of the issue, I can’t file for SSDI. My doctor has already exhausted all of the simpler, more common and easier to correct possibilities. To find it will require diagnostic testing, and the simple fact is that even with my Obamacare, we can’t afford the out of pocket and co-pay expenses for more complicated diagnostic testing to nail the problem down, and look for a fix. Add to that the problem of transportation back and forth to a doctor and the lab or testing facility and you get the picture. Personally, I have resigned myself to the fact that it is either systemic or neurological, otherwise the problem would have been identified by now. But I would like to at least be able to gain back enough balance, stamina and muscle strength to leave the house and take a walk without killing myself falling down the stairs. Personally, retirement turned out to be a bitch. ;-)
I came to this community once before in a time of crisis, and have never been able to fully express, nor in reality comprehend the incredible outpouring of support and love I received. Full disclosure. This is not a crisis of that magnitude. Then, we literally faced imminent homelessness. This time, no matter what happens with the apartment, we will not be on the street, and without the car to boot. A friend of Teri’s from work has a spare bedroom, and we can bring the cats. But we would lose everything, we can’t physically move the stuff to storage, and to leave it here would forfeit our deposit for cleanup, and there goes the nest egg for a new place. Besides which, at 60, I don’t want to become somebodies border. Call it a quirk.
And so, once again I ask for your help. My plea this time is much smaller, because the situation is not immediate disaster. I don’t need a miracle, just a bridge to a solution, which is why the target amount on the page is much smaller. I strongly considered not writing this diary at all, and almost didn’t. The only reason I did is that the last time this happened, while feeling the shame of the necessity of charity, and indicated as much, it was made abundantly clear to me in the comments that the response was not charity, that I was actually a I was an asset to the community, and actually someone several people looked for first when they came on. That made me tear up then, as it did just now when I thought back to it. I only hope and pray that I have done nothing over the last year to detract from that feeling.
I apologize for the somber, doom and gloom atmosphere of this diary, and for the length, but I wanted to be honest, and I’m having trouble trying to find a more positive “spin” to put on this, I ain’t Sean Spicer, thank God! For those that are able to, and wish to help me, here is a LINK to my gofundme page. But please know this. No matter what the outcome, my devotion to this site, and the incredible people on it is undimmed. My diaries will not stop. In fact, they are a necessary therapy for me, being able to heap scorn and fury on the Orange Shitgibbon and his soulless minions gives me an outlet for the frustrations I feel. And just like in any depressing situation, a kind word and positive energy is every bit as important as anything else, it gives one the fortitude, support and courage to go on. I will continue to try to amuse you, educate you when it works out that way, and at least try to stimulate your interest and passion, even if it’s in disagreement with me for as long as I can find a subject, and physically type.
I sincerely thank you for your time and patience with this, and I love you all!
Murf