When I heard the news that House Republicans just passed a bill that, if it becomes law, will directly cause hundreds of thousands if not millions of preventable deaths, I posted on my Facebook feed, simply, “And they call themselves pro-life.”
A dear friend commented angrily that, inter alia, “Anything is better than Obamacare. Anything.” (S)he said something to the effect that the passing of the ACHA is a “huge step forward for decency and fairness in America,” and went on to complain about his/her current insurance costs.
Clearly, (s)he has no idea what just happened.
But, rather than get into a debate on a comment thread, I replied simply, “[Name], I love you dearly, but you’re wrong.” (S)he responded, “I’m not, but we’re all entitled to our opinions, no matter how wrong they are.”
Two minutes later, (s)he unfriended me.
I guess this is the price we have to pay. I’ve known for some time that this person (and other members of his/her family) have been marinating their brains in right-wing fan fiction for many years now, but I never once considered un-friending them or ending my relationship with them (although, to be fair, I did hide their feeds so as not to see the propaganda they were propagating; more on that presently). Two of them, so far, have un-friended me, both on occasions when a non-right-wing (or anti-Trump) political view seeped into my feed.
I’ve been trying for years to strike a balance between the love, affection, friendship and respect I have for my friends and acquaintances who happen to be steeped in right-wing politics (see here and here, for example), and the distress I feel when I find that people I love discretely harbor some truly hateful, vicious, horrifying beliefs and attitudes, or are at least willing to disseminate the work of others expressing such. That’s why I hide their feeds rather than un-friend them; my love and affection for them is more important than my discomfort or revulsion at the propaganda, and when we meet or talk we just avoid the subject. To quote Edward R. Murrow, I’d like to think that I’m “one of those civilized individuals who [does] not insist upon agreement with his political principles as a pre-condition for conversation or friendship.” (emphasis added).
But now I’ve been un-friended, twice, by members of the same family; one because I made fun of Trump, the other because I told him/her (s)he was “wrong” to think that what passed today is — let alone that “anything,” or nothing, would be — “better than” the ACA, and that what House Republicans did was in any way a “step forward” on anything, let alone anything positive or praiseworthy.
Apparently, we’re not ”all entitled to our opinions, no matter how wrong they are.”
I don’t suppose there is one good answer for whether, when or how to maintain relationships with people... and I don’t want to say “...who we disagree with politically,” because it’s really not a matter of “disagreeing”; it’s a matter of seeing, hearing and reading beliefs and attitudes that at best make me very uncomfortable, and at worst chill me to the bone, coming from people I love, care about, and/or respect. It was a little jarring to be instantly un-friended like that, over what I didn’t think was a terrible insult or unforgivable transgression. Maybe I’m wrong about that.
I only pray that my now-former friend, and the rest of his/her family, are not among those that their heroes in Washington just voted to kill.