Hi. My name is Peter. I'm living with a mental illness.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. It's something that I've been dealing with for a long time, as it turns out. I just didn't know what I was really going through, or that there were things I could do about it. Most of my adult life had been marked by bouts of depression, feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and a generally negative world view. A lot of that was internal. I (mostly) coped and those closest to me didn't really know the extent of what I was experiencing. At least for a while. But, as these things tend to do, the effects grew worse over time. I self-medicated for nearly 30 years with alcohol, eventually graduating from heavy drinker to full fledged alcoholic. I’ve lost jobs, property, and friends as my condition became more pronounced. My diagnosis came after I checked myself into an inpatient program to help me cope with a general feeling of hopelessness and thoughts of suicide.
The cause of Major Depressive Disorder is unknown. It is believed that biological, psychological, and social conditions may all contribute. It is estimated that 3% of the world population is affected by chronic depression, and periodic episodes are even more common. The disease is most often managed by a combination of lifestyle changes, medication, and therapy. Other options, such as electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), can also be employed. I myself have undergone therapeutic counseling and am on anti-depressant medication. I eat better and exercise more than I did previously. I have also been sober for over 3 and a half years. Thankfully, this has resulted in a much more steady mental state. I still get feelings of sadness or isolation, but not to the degree I did, and I am usually able to spot the symptoms or triggers and catch myself before spiraling into a pit of despair.
OK. So, why share all of this information? Well, to be honest, there are probably several reasons.
First and foremost, it’s because I believe that sharing my story is an obligation that I have. Both for people who might be experiencing depression (or other issues) themselves, to let them know that they are not alone, that there are options, and that it is possible to turn things around. And also for those who aren’t, and who may not have much interaction with others that might be struggling. It’s important to be aware of who we are and what we deal with, in order to reduce whatever stigmas still remain.
Secondly, I would be lying if I said that I don't crave sympathy. Part of the nature of my condition (and really, of the human condition itself) is that I want people to know about my struggle and extend a word of kindness or acknowledgement. I wish I could say that I didn’t care about that but it just isn’t so. I can be a bit of a snowflake. Full disclosure.
But the main reason is that we need to have a conversation about how to talk about mental illness when we see evidence of it in someone else. Including the man currently occupying the office of President of United States.
There is no doubt in my mind that Donald Trump has psychological problems. I am sure that most of us are aware that the community of Mental Health professionals are largely of this opinion as well, as related in this diary and others like it. I sincerely wish that he could be diagnosed directly and start to receive treatment, but there is nothing in his character that suggests that this is a possibility. It's absolutely true that this creates a situation that puts our country, indeed the whole world, in a state of utmost jeopardy. This is a big problem, one that is only likely to get worse as the pressures and stresses of the office wear on him. It's terrifying. And it's certainly no laughing matter.
And yet…
I have witnessed a certain tendency among some diarists to use Trump’s mental state to score points, or to belittle and mock him, using phrases like nuts, crazy, lunatic, cray-cray, whack job, etc. I don't want to call anyone out by name, as I don't believe anyone is intentionally making light of mental illness in general. If you need proof just do a search with Trump plus any of the words listed above. But again, not trying to point fingers. I'm only trying to suggest that such language can resonate in ways that are probably not intended. I'm hoping that we as a community can strive to be a little more sensitive in how we characterize the behavior we see coming out of the Oval Office and its potential ramifications. We can and should stress just how troubling we find this. And we can accurately point out that we are witnessing a man who seems unstable, and whose behavior is erratic and unmoored from reality. I just ask, as a person living with my own challenges, that we carefully consider the words we use, and the intent behind them. That's all. Thanks for hearing me out.