1. Hiding your mental illness does more harm than good. Sometime after I got sober all those damn years ago I took to heart the 12 step mantra that Secrets Are Not Healthy. And I stopped lying about my feelings. If you are a friend of mine on facebook you know damn well that if i feel like hanging myself today, I will say so. At work if I am overwhelmed I will go to my boss and say “I need to work from home” and he won’t understand but he has learned to let it go because I am fucking excellent at what I do and I work goddamned hard.
There have been negative effects from this decision. All of them have been short term. Many friends, online and in real life have accused me of seeking attention, manipulating my depression to get sympathy and possibly attempting to get a sympathy fuck out of it. Over time I have learned that these people are either ‘friends’ who are there for the good times and not there when the going gets tough or they are people who are terribly damaged themselves and my openness frightens them.
I believe my openness has also cost me career opportunities. However, the question arises — how could I have functioned in that career long term if they cannot deal with who and what I am? The simple answer is: I could not.
But the reverse is also true: many relationships have deepened and strengthened as a result. I have met new amazing, powerful people who have enriched my life beyond belief. When I have been falling they have leapt forward to catch and lift me. My girlfriend is mentally ill and our relationship is enriched because there is no bullshit — I want to stay in bed all day today. Okay, do you want to talk or be alone? Alone. May I check on you every so often? Yes. I’d like to give you a hug before I let you be. Yes, please.
The burden of lying and pretending is lifted. I don’t have to wear a mask all the time. It takes so much energy to playact. I’m done with that.
I’m glad I stopped hiding who and what I really am.
2. I have never gotten a sympathy fuck out of my mental illness so I don’t recommend trying it. Maybe you’ll have better luck if you you have MPD or schizophrenia but I doubt it. All I can say is, depression just ain’t sexy. My bet is that bipolar people in the fun stages of their mania score the most but that the depression phase robs them of the joy of it.
3. An often overlooked but incredibly effective treatment for mental illness is a/several companion animals. Seriously, my dogs have stopped several suicide attempts. Speaking to other mentally ill people I find I am not alone at all in this experience. Schizophrenics may find their cat an anchor of reality. Bipolars watch how their animals react to them as a gauge to where their mood is headed.
All of the above is anecdotal. I know of no “serious” information on this. To be blunt, a lot of stuff out there on psychiatric companion animals looks, smells and is priced like New Age bullshit.
Also, you have to be mature enough and rational enough to make sure you are meeting the needs of your animal companion. If you don’t think you can provide water, food, shelter and safety for them, this may not be for you. It’s a two way street with all living things.
4. Time in nature heals. Camping, hiking, rafting, climbing… not sitting and drinking beer with six buddies round a fire. Not going to a beach with 30,000 other people. Quiet time, down time. You time.
An observation which may strike others as presumptuous, false, or arrogant.
I suspect a lot of my progressive values are strongly reinforced by my mental illness. I’m a white, middle class straight male in the world’s richest country. By birth, by environment, by privilege I should be a really arrogant asshole (full disclosure: those of you who know me on Kos know I am an asshole, but I’m not very arrogant).
Why not?
I think my depression has always made me feel out of place. Never quite good enough, never quite belonging. As a result, I think identify with others who don’t quite fit, who are different or whose struggles are visible. I know LGBTQ, AA, Native Americans and on and on are going to laugh and be offended but often, not always but often, I feel closer to someone from one of those groups than I do to other white people, especially white males. Wrong or not, I think I’ve found someone else who knows what its like to struggle through each day and I identify with that, not with people who are obviously comfortable in their skin, in their status, in their acceptance.
Don’t hesitate to let me know this is white straight male privilege in action. I can take it. I’m stronger than you might think.
Final Thought
If you are mentally ill, I really urge you to study and research the three universal core facts I list above. Internalizing these will help you. But it takes time and effort to overcome the idea that you are weak, failing morally or unworthy. None of those things are true. You have an illness that impacts the emotional and physical function of your brain. Just like a veteran who has suffered a traumatic brain injury, just as a person in a car wreck, just as a diabetic, just as a cancer patient: you should seek medical help for your illness/injury.
Psychiatry and psychology are imprecise fields. Treatment is rarely like turning on a switch, instant improvement. It is a gradual process and a journey.
I strongly recommend this journey. It is worthwhile.