After being less than forthcoming about who attended the now infamous June 2016 meeting at Trump Tower, Donald Trump Jr. has released what he now claims is a complete list of meeting attendees. Trump now claims that the following people attended the meeting:
Donald Trump Jr. (scion and buffoon)
Jared Kushner (came for the snacks)
Paul Manafort (Trump Campaign Chair who played a minor role in the campaign)
Natalia Veselnitskaya (Russian lawyer and Winner of Eurovision 1998)
Rinat Akhmetshin (Russian American lobbyist, former Soviet intelligence officer, collector of American Girl dolls)
Rob Goldstone (British Music Publicist, man who swallowed Notting Hill)
A translator (have these people not heard of Google translate?)
A representative of the Russian family who had asked Goldstone to set up the meeting (wore fake beard, orange hair)
Boris and Natasha (notorious Russian cartoon spies)
Amelia Earhart (not missing anymore)
Voldemort (ooops he said his name)
Blue Ivy Carter (icon)
Kate Middleton (mortified)
Cher (sassy septuagenarian)
Charles Manson (tried to sing)
Aretha Franklin (queen of soul, wore a fabulous hat)
Sasha Obama (teenage Kenyan)
Pope Benedict (now we know where he’s been)
Frederick Douglass (who has done an amazing job)
Barbara Bush (removed by security after trying to kick Don Jr. in his nether regions)
Banksy (tried to paint a mural on Jared)
Barry Manilow (working on a collusion jingle)
Dennis Rodman (tried to sneak in Kim Jong Un by disguising him as a pocket Yorkie)
Shia Leboeuf (drunk)
The Mormon Tabernacle Choir (lots of people with nice teeth)
Possibly the Vienna Boys Choir and the Von Trapp Family (it was too hard to tell them apart from the Mormons)
Page Barnes is Founder of the award-winning humor publication, The Haven. Find it and follow it at Medium.com/the-haven. And write for The Haven if you dare. If you enjoyed this article, please click the * and share it.
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