Hispanic Federation Fund for Puerto Rico Relief Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Humpday Playtime
I never had a See 'n Say as a kid. But I spun the crap out of my friend Ed's See 'n Say. And now that the statute of limitations has expired, I can finally admit that I opened it up and rigged it so each animal was off by one, and to this day Ed thinks chickens go "Moo."
Last night I was tinkering at my workbench and created my own right-wing version of the See 'n Say. Here, lemme pull the string and I'll let you hear a sample:
[Zzzzzzzhip!]
The President says: “I’m a malignant narcissist and you’re a son of a bitch!”
The President’s daughter says: "Privately, I am upset by this."
This is the sound of the HHS director: “Private jets for me, junk insurance for you!”
The conservative radio host goes: "Oink!"
The White House chief of staff says: "Gladys! Another bottle of aspirin."
What does the mansplainer say? "Now don’t get your fallopian tubes in a twist, little lady."
This is the North Korean dictator: “And you Americans thought I was the crazy one?”
The president of Fox News says: "Welcome to our sex cult!"
Listen to the teabagger: "Keep your Obamacare hands off my Affordable Care Act!"
This is the sound of the vice president: "Mother, may I?"
Congressman Louie Gohmert’s brain cell says: "Help! Someone! Get me outta here! It’s humid and smells like rotten rutabagas!”
I think I'll call it See 'n Spew.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Note: Please rise for the singing of the Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, America the Beautiful, the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Over There, Living in America, The Star Spangled Banner again, Let the Eagle Soar, God Bless the USA, Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder, You’re a Grand Old Flag, These Colors Don’t Run, Semper Fidelis, all the songs from 1776, Anchors Aweigh, America Fuck Yeah!, a third rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, Yankee Doodle, I’m A Yankee Doodle Dandy, and The Stars and Stripes Forever. This will take approximately three hours. Any son of a bitch caught kneeling, sitting, or fainting will be fired. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til StarWars Episode VIII opens: 11
Days 'til the Hoes Down Harvest Festival in Guinda, California: 10
Amount of time the top 5 Sunday morning shows devoted to the hurricane disaster in Puerto Rico: 1 minute
Current death toll from the Mexico earthquake: 333
Percent of American voters who approve of the Graham-Cassidy healthcare overhaul, per a new CBS News poll: 20%
Number of mass shootings in America so far this year: 265
Percent of U.S. voters who support DACA, according to an ABC News poll: 86%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 3 date settings and 4 words for Trump from the Big Guy Himself). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Second chance for Champion…
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CHEERS to rational exuberance. Sometime next year Republicans will be back with another Trumpcare bill---version 4.0 this time. And we’ll all have to pile on again to stop it. And it’ll be a big pain in the ass again, if not downright terrifying. But for now, the Affordable Care Act---with its ironclad protections for maternity care, pre-existing conditions, dependents up to age 26, preventive screenings, and so freaking much more---remains the law of the land. Thanks to unified Democrat senators (and three GOP assisters) and grassroots backlash that turned their hineys into pulp, evil Lindsey Graham and Hippocratic Oath-abuser Bill Cassidy failed. Their bill will not be coming to a vote in the Senate. Cue the happy dance:
And please---join us for celebratory Krispy Kremes and Pabst Blue Ribbon in our van down by the river.
CHEERS to a gathering of unwashed hippie rabble with big appetites. Ah-oo-gah! Meetup Alert! If you're gonna be in the southern Maine area on Saturday, November 4th, please join the DKos crowd for another legendary New England Kossack Fall Meetup starting at noon. We're going back to one of our favorite meetup spots---The Farm Bar And Grille at 57 State Street in Kittery (as south as you can go in Maine before you bumpinto New Hampshire). To RSVP or get more info, email Kossack nhox42 at nhox42[at] gmail.com. In addition to eating and drinking, we'll do our usual plotting galactic domination around a giant map of the universe, so be sure to practice your "Bwoo ha ha's."
JEERS to domestic terrorism: healthcare edition. Trumpcare 3.0 may be dead, but there’s still nothing Trump’s storm troopers won’t do to sabotage the Affordable Care Act, and that includes throwing up every roadblock they can find to prevent Americans from signing up for their health insurance on the federal exchange:
On Friday, the administration announced that healthcare.gov, the website most Americans use to sign up for insurance through the marketplaces put in place by Obamacare, would be down for maintenance for 12 hours every Sunday in the middle of the upcoming open-enrollment period.
No explanation was given for the outages, but given the administration’s previous efforts to sabotage the insurance markets, it’s not paranoid to view this maintenance schedule as a plan to keep down enrollment. At a minimum, it displays an indifference to the needs of the population it is supposed to be serving.
During the Sunday morning outages, C&J advises that you might want to go to church and familiarize yourself with the only health care that’ll be available once these hacks get done with it: pray you don’t get sick.
CHEERS to knowing your enemy. It wasn’t even close last night in Alabama’s Republican primary. The candidate backed by Steve Bannon and God handily defeated the candidate backed by Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell. So a crazy Christian-right nutball who never met a Ten Commandments monument he didn’t want to hump (but, in fairness, only after marrying it) will face off against KKK-fighting attorney and centrist Democrat Doug Jones on December 12th. This is the best match-up that Dems could’ve hoped for, since Roy Moore---twice kicked off the bench as a judge, including last year when he was chief justice of the ‘Bama supreme court---is too nutty even for a lot of Republicans. Memo to the DSCC: remember what the D in your name stands for---“Don’t keep your powder dry.”
CHEERS to the hypocrite slayer. I’m glad Hillary Clinton has no intention of disappearing from the public square. As her well-reviewed book flies off the shelves, she’s taking to the media to rhetorically knock a few teeth out of the deplorables’ heads in real time. She stuck her latest dagger in the growing email scandal now enveloping the most corrupt administration in modern times, which used an email scandal to bully its way into the White House:
“The hypocrisy of this administration, who knew there was no real scandal [last year], who knew that there was no basis for all their hyperventilating.
Republican members of Congress who politicized the deaths in Benghazi,” Clinton said. “No, we’re finding with the latest revelations---they didn’t mean any of it. It’s just the height of hypocrisy.”
“It is something that if they were sincere about [it] I think you’d have Republican members of Congress calling for an investigation,” she continued. “I haven’t heard that yet.”
By the way, Ivanka Trump also just got busted for using a private email server for official business. My sources tell me that White House senior adviser Ivanka Trump is privately disappointed that her father won’t be locking up the un-American traitor Ivanka Trump. Oh well…shrug emoji!
CHEERS to the Founding Rabble Rouser. Happy birthday to scrappy Samuel Adams---second cousin to fellow hothead John---born 295 years ago today. His message in a nutshell: "Tyranny bad! Freedom good!"
Adams’s contributions to the independence movement were many and varied. During the 1760s and 1770s he frequently wrote polemical articles for the Boston newspapers, and he recruited talented younger men–Josiah Quincy, Joseph Warren, and his second cousin John Adams, among others---into the Patriot cause.
It was Samuel Adams who conceived of the Boston Committee of Correspondence and took a leading role in its formation and operations from 1772 through 1774. He was among those who planned and coordinated Boston’s resistance to the Tea Act, which climaxed in the famous Tea Party, and he later worked for the creation of the Continental Congress, helping propel it into supporting Massachusetts in the crisis.
And also this: “Beer and chocolate are two pleasures that should be enjoyed and savored." Pay your respects here. Then toast him with...I dunno, how about an ice-cold Sam Adams? (Or as he likes to say: "Slide me down a Mini Me!")
CHEERS to today’s edition of Hey Mike Pence, Shut the Fuck Up And Mind Your Own Business! Courtesy of The Portland Press Herald:
In an unusual effort Tuesday to increase pressure on U.S. Sen. Susan Collins, Vice President Mike Pence took to the local airwaves to express his disappointment with her opposition to Republican efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act. “We are certainly disappointed that Sen. Collins has chosen to vote against the Graham-Cassidy bill,” Pence told WGAN talk radio hosts Matt Gagnon and Ken Altshuler during a call-in Tuesday morning.
This has been today’s edition of Hey Mike Pence, Shut the Fuck Up And Mind Your Own Business!
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 27, 2007
CHEERS to winning something. Yesterday the mighty Republican minority in the House generously allowed the meek Democratic majority to expand the SCHIP program, which provides state and federal dollars to help cover medical expenses for children. Unfortunately, enough parent-hating Republicans voted "Let ‘em Die", making it veto-able. President Bush immediately offered his own SCHIP alternative that would conform to his agenda of rugged individualism: parents would get a free bag of surgical instruments with which they can perform their own operations on their kids (the program would pay for itself through upsells of anesthesia and drop cloths). Said one undecided parent: "I could use the SCHIP services, but I've always wondered what it would be like to take out Johnny's gallbladder." To be continued...
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And just one more…
CHEERS to thinking outside of the rectangular box. A class at a Maryland College was given permission to bring helpful reminders on a “3 x 5 notecard” as an aid during an accounting exam. That doesn’t sound like a lot of space if your brain is pre-programmed (like mine) to assume it means “three-by-five inches.” But one student, Elijah Bowen, noticed a certain lack of specifics in the prof’s instructions, so he showed up with this:
Smart. Resourceful. Observant. Creative. Imaginative. Open-minded. Wild guess: future Democratic White House budget director.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“I think the more surprising things were the things I didn’t miss. For example, I thought I would really miss going outside, but really that was pretty easy to adapt to, and I found that I didn’t miss being outside all that much. Likewise, I thought I would really miss Cheers and Jeers, but that also didn’t turn out to be such a big deal.”
---Laura Lark, HI-SEAS Dome Dweller
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