Answer: women no longer silent about sexual harassment and assault. Nasty women — “nasty” defined as “dreadful.” Women are altering Margaret Atwood’s famous quote “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” We give men reason to dread us as our voices say their names and describe their assaults. Suddenly men realize they have more to fear than our laughter.
That the intersectional issue reverberating through social categories of women was triggered and amplified by Hollywood surprises me. Not the issue, we all know sexism is ubiquitous and sexual harassment pervades all milieus. But that women in show business lit a fuse that ran through women politicians, scientists, academics, artists, athletes, soldiers, farm laborers, and service/domestic workers to set off explosive truth-telling is a surprising source of intersectional solidarity. The powerful unifier of sexual harassment and assault has linked glamorous Hollywood to the mucky asparagus fields. (Specific information on all these intersectional categories and sexual harassment/assault are at the end of this story.)
Now that women have finally made this not-secret behavior vividly public, how can we end these behaviors and fix the underlying causes? The range of responses by men who were accused and men in general isn’t too surprising. Besides the mea culpas and “it’s not that serious and was years ago” public statements by men specifically accused, we have the promises other men offer in #HowIWillChange. Loser guy has three tweets total and spent one on this declaration (yes, I am laughing at him).
Other men promise to “say something next time. That’s a good start especially because the promise includes six pledges addressing behaviors that contribute to sexual harassment (more info at the end plus link to sign the pledge). The next two photos are part of a #HowIWillChangeNYU program by MARS (Men Against Rape & Sexual Misconduct) intended “to ignite a conversation about men's role in and responsibility to prevent sexual misconduct.”
One guy offers a practical, although reductionist, option.
Here’s someone who concisely covers the territory thoroughly enough to serve as a motto for all men.
My response to this guy —
Meanwhile at the office, men reflect on women’s accusations. Some come to outlandish responses. (My bold added throughout in quoted texts.)
Consider Owen Cunningham, a director at San Francisco’s KBM-Hogue design firm. When he looks toward the annual corporate holiday party these days, he shudders.
“Cancel the holiday party,” said Mr. Cunningham, 37, adding that he means just until it has been figured out how men and women should interact. He said he considered himself progressive on gender issues but was thinking more about the behavior he had seen in the past: “What flirting is O.K.? Was I ever taking advantage of any meager power I had? You start to wonder.”
Yo — it’s already been figured out but too many men didn’t get the info although they received the guidelines. They’re still deflecting with “not all men” and “aren’t you a sensitive snowflake” or calling us feminazis. Here’s a supplement to the How Men and Women Should Interact Guidelines (as well as to the racism, ableism and other toxic language/behavior guidelines).
- If your response is to sneer at the person speaking up, to spout caveats and excuses, you will be immediately sent back to the beginner courses of Social Skills 101: “Don’t Be A Jerk” and “Be Quiet and Listen.”
Nor is the answer that men segregate themselves in their clubs and social groups. They did that before and we still struggle to overcome the inequity it created.
Joel Milton, 30 . . . said he had recently decided to be more careful about corporate offsites after seeing the swell of #MeToo claims.
“When I hear someone on my team is having a pool party, now I’ll say, ‘Hey, maybe no managers should be there,’” Mr. Milton said, relaying the type of information likely to be covered in many companies’ employment manuals. [...]
Still, some workers said they were starting to follow “the Pence rule,” which was formerly known as the Billy Graham rule, after the evangelical preacher, but is now named for Vice President Mike Pence. Mr. Pence has said he does not eat alone with women who are not his wife or attend an event without her if alcohol will be served.
A conservative writer, Sean Davis . . . he had always followed it and that coastal, liberal America was finally waking up to how useful avoiding private meetings with women could be. [...]
Some men said the best route is to ask female co-workers directly if they feel harassed. [...]
Other men said they had not talked about workplace harassment with anyone because they already knew what they needed to know.
What is the answer here? Should strong competent women speak up and offer solutions? Or is that part of the problem — that men who are intimidated by strong women lash out to feel better about themselves? How can women take part in creating solutions when the presence of competent women generates hostile behavior from incompetent men? Guys — that’s your problem. Deal.
- Here’s another addendum to the How Men and Women Should Act Guidelines. If you are accused of hostile or sexist behavior towards women, check your own skills and abilities. Perhaps you are a “poorly performing male” who needs to improve.
Some men (and Roy Moore’s wife) still respond to accusations against famous male people by seeing the result of accusations as a troublesome — ignoring that the accused men and their behaviors are the problems.
Strong competent women reassuringly counter this view.
Here at the almost end, I thought there should be a list of not-scoldy bullet points about what men might do to cease perpetuating the patriarchal culture and stop being sexually abusive or even everyday sexist. But volumes have been written on this for decades. Everything from researched studies to snappy listicles. Here … are … four … samples.
Of the options I’ve covered, NYU MAD has a good approach. It seems to be what second-wave feminists called “consciousness raising” except this time it is men doing it with each other. If a group like this exists near you — go join. Work the program. Transform yourselves and our society. If you already are perfect, join to be the good example (and maybe you’ll learn something anyway).
If you are unable to find a local group, find one online. The Joyful Heart Foundation sponsors the pledge of men speaking up in opposition to sexist harassment/abuse and suggests six actions. Visit their website and sign the Pledge to Speak Up and take these six actions.
Most men are not abusive. But far too often, they are silent about the abuse committed by other men. Their silence is as much a part of the problem as the abuse. Commit to speak up and speak out. Pledge to break the silence about violence and abuse with these six actions: 1. Reflect . . . 2. Model . . . 3. Value . . . 4. Support . . . 5. Speak . . . 6. Give….
If all that is too much work or you don’t think it applies to you so why bother, there’s one no-brainer method — The Rock Test: A Hack for Men Who Don’t Want To Be Accused of Sexual Harassment. (But really, guys, aim higher than that — don’t sexually harass whether you’d be accused or not.) Here’s the easy-to-apply method. See the article in the link for detailed examples.
While navigating professional relationships can often require that dreaded thing known as “any amount of work at all”, there is hope. You see, by following this one simple rule, you too can interact with women as people.
It’s as clear cut as this: Treat all women like you would treat Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
I know, this sounds weird, but trust me, this is a visualization exercise that will work wonders in your dealings with the women in your workplace. When a woman approaches you, just replace her in your mind with The Rock. Then, behave accordingly.
It’s based on the following premise that could become a promise if men keep excusing sexual harassment and women decide to increase our nastiness quotient.
Simply offer women the same respect, admiration, and healthy dose of fear you’d offer anyone who could completely destroy you should you deserve it.
Because this is Transgender Awareness Week, shout out to our transwomen sisters who too often are excluded from discussions of women’s issues.
* Examples of various categories of women speaking up about sexist assault and harassment as part of their normal work life
Congress has a sexual harassment problem, including Senator Al Franken. In fact, dozens of lawmakers and aides say it is a cesspit of sexual harassment. And expensive! Per the table below, 2002 and 2007 were big settlement years. What happened then?
Sexual harassment in science is just like Hollywood — we know who the Weinsteins are.
Sexual harassment is rife in universities and, as elsewhere, there’s a culture of denial. DK member wasplover wrote about her experience as a grad student and how it affected her choice of majors.
Todd Heatherton, a professor at Dartmouth who ironically is an expert on the psychology of self-control, apparently has little himself. He is being investigated for sexual misconduct due to a charge he groped a grad student at a conference in 2002. This week, a former colleague of his, now a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, posted a similar story, also from 2002.
Groh says she reported that incident to Dartmouth’s associate dean of social sciences a few days after it happened. [...]
Within a few months of the alleged incident, Heatherton received the school’s Champion International Professorship—an honor that is “intended to recognize and reward members of the Dartmouth faculty whose teaching is true to the highest standards of Dartmouth’s educational mission and whose scholarship has contributed to the advancement of knowledge in their chosen fields.”
More than 150 women wrote a letter denouncing sexual harassment in the art world that was signed by 2,000 people.
“We are gallerists, artists, writers, editors, curators, directors, arts administrators, assistants, and interns — workers of the art world — and we have been groped, undermined, harassed, infantilised, scorned, threatened, and intimidated by those in positions of power who control access to resources and opportunities.”
The most recent accusation is from an Olympic gymnast who claims years of abuse by a team doctor.
One out of every four women in the U.S. military experiences military sexual trauma (for men it is 1 out of 100). Despite having 2.2 million women as former military members, female vets are routinely dismissed and diminished.
...the problems female vets face are far worse than paltry hospital staffing. Women veterans are dying by suicide at 250 percent the rate of civilian women. They are two- to four-times more likely to be homeless than non-veteran women and one out of every four women receiving VA health care says they’ve experienced military sexual trauma. Yet, when was the last time you heard about one of eye-brow raising facts? Women veterans don’t just feel invisible—the headlines highlighting these outrageous statistics seem to be invisible too.
Most women harassed in the workplace aren’t celebrities. “Hundreds of thousands of them are agricultural workers, who grow, pick, and pack food across America.” Women farm workers of Alianza Nacional de Campesinas wrote a letter of solidarity with workers across other industries.
"Countless farmworker women across our country suffer in silence," the workers wrote, in part because of their lack of clout in the public consciousness.
"We do not work under bright stage lights or on the big screen," they wrote. "We work in the shadows of society in isolated fields and packinghouses, that are out of sight and out of mind for most people in this country."
"Your job feeds souls, fills hearts and spreads joy... Our job nourishes the nation with the fruits, vegetables and other crops that we plant, pick and pack."
Despite the different work environments, the workers said they "share a common experience of being preyed upon by individuals who have the power to hire, fire, blacklist and otherwise threaten our economic, physical and emotional security."
Women in service industries like restaurants, hotels, and various domestic work routinely experience sexual abuse but are rarely heard. Partly because their voices are not recognized, but also because they need their wages and don’t dare risk complaining.
...almost 60 percent of hotel housekeepers, reports being sexually harassed on the job. They go up to somebody’s room and there’s no one else there, and some guy tries something or is there with no clothes on while they try to do their jobs. This is routine. [...]
Domestic workers are also very vulnerable. There’s a case of taking women who are very often working by themselves, working in people’s homes with nobody around to turn to or witness what’s going on, and organizing them together.
Rape in the storage room. Groping at the bar. For women workers the isolated areas in restaurants are dangerous. Of the 5,431 women’s complaints received by the Equal Opportunity Commission in 2015, only 2,036 listed an industry. Of those 12.5 percent came from the hotel and food industry, more than any other category. A 2014 study found “that two-thirds of female restaurant workers were sexually harassed by restaurant management, 80 percent by their co-workers and 78 percent by customers. A third of women reported that unwanted touching was routine….”
For example the dry storage pantry was a dangerous location for this woman who was sexually assaulted by one of her supervisors.
That’s where Miranda Rosenfelt, 31, then a cook at Jackie’s restaurant in Silver Spring, was headed one day seven years ago to help out with inventory, at the request of one of her direct supervisors, who she says had been harassing her for months. When she walked into the narrow basement room, far from the bustle of the kitchen, she turned around to find him “standing there with his pants on the floor, and his penis in his hands,” blocking her exit from the basement, she said.
“I felt cornered, and trapped, and scared, and what ended up happening was that he got me to perform oral sex, and it was horrible. And the whole time he was saying things like, ‘Oh, I’ve always wanted to do this.’ ” Her instinct was “not to do anything, and wait for it to be over. Because that’s what will make me the safest.”
Action Needed!
A bipartisan group of senators reintroduced the International Violence Against Women Act this week headed by Senator Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) along with Senator Susan Collins (R-ME), Senator Robert Menendez (D-NJ) and Senator Johnny Isakson (R-GA).
Please sign the petition calling for passage of the International Violence Against Women Act.
An overwhelming one in three women will experience gender-based violence in their lifetime. Gender-based violence such as domestic violence and rape persists in communities throughout the world, and as the world's refugee population grows at an alarming rate, refugee women and girls are even more likely to experience physical and sexual violence.
Our leaders have the tool to end this crisis. The International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA) would make the United States a stronger leader in fighting and preventing the abuse of women and girls around the world
An art finale to empower us
A woman’s ecoshrine honors earth.
Speaking of time and space — it took over 1,000 years of living for this Gallifreyan to finally have enough strength to regenerate as a woman.
November is Native American Heritage Month
American Indian women face high levels of sexual assault (1 in 3). The assaults often go unreported because of their justified fear of police discrimination and unfair treatment by the courts. “But thanks to a recent law, a small number of tribes are creating their own court systems in hopes they will process cases faster and restore trust.”
THIS WEEK IN THE WAR ON WOMEN PROVIDES A WEEKLY SUMMARY OF NEWS ON WOMEN'S ISSUES AND INFORMATION ON CURRENT POLITICAL ACTIONS. WE WELCOME ALL WHO ARE INTERESTED TO JOIN, TO WRITE FOR US, AND TO PROVIDE RELEVANT LINKS AND STORIES.
THANKS TO SANDRALLAP, RAMARA, tara, noblinkers and crimson quillfeather FOR THEIR HELP GATHERING THIS WEEK’S NEWS and to all the WOW Goddesses for their support.
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