I felt silly. I was walking through a mall on the other side of town from where I live. I had never been there before. And over 50% of the mall was boarded up. And I had tears in my eyes.
At some point in my life, malls became the churches of America. It is where people went on the weekend. Teens gathered there. It is where you rubbed shoulders (sometimes literally) with many people you didn’t know. I didn’t especially like the fact that shopping had replaced God as the dominant value of our lives, but there was some value in gathering together no matter where or for what. Its loss is a loss of community (I never thought I would rhapsodize over malls — it shows how far things have changed.)
And today I received a flyer from my grocery store telling me all I need to do is shop on line, park in a special place in the lot and they will bring my groceries out to me. I pictured what life can be in the future and how that time is now here.
When I go grocery shopping, I frequently have to look for one or two things. It takes a few minutes of wandering aisles. And I pass a number of people. Often our eyes meet and we give a quick smile. Sometimes we comment on the good price or wonder which of 46 kinds of mustard we should buy. It seems a small thing, but I would guess that I exchange 5 to 10 smiles in the course of most shopping trips. And I frequently knew the person checking me out by sight and we would exchange a few words.
My old grocery offered something else as well. It had a cafe with cheap coffee and a chance to sit and meet a friend or just watch people. It was a community gathering place. Even a homeless person had a temporary home there in one of the booths. That grocery store was forced out under the auspices of Cerberus (the same venture capital firm that makes semiautomatic rifles — but that’s another story).
Now I have another alternative. I can shop for my groceries online, pick them up (1 smile) and drive through the McDonald’s drive through across the street to get my coffee or food (1 smile).
I have banked at the same bank for thirty years. it has changed ownership and people many times, but I know some of the people and, again, exchange smiles as I enter. Now, instead, I drive through the drive through. I get my money (no smiles).
On to the other errands. I need a new shirt and go to Sears because I like Lands End clothing. I talk to the clerk while I make my decision (and exchange a smile). The person in line in front of me comments on my purchase and we exchange a few words and a smile. And the woman checking me out gives me a big smile and also comments. It was raining today — I could have gone on line and bought the same shirt (no smiles).
Finally, there is a gathering of progressive Democrats that I want to attend. I would go there and talk, argue, agree, frown, but also exchange a number of smiles. It is across town and I don’t feel I have time, so I tune into the livestream online instead. It is interesting and informative (no smiles).
There are many other examples. Since I am retired, I am not affected by the work-at-home isolation that many people experience. But, even with my life, I have had the opportunity to make what I do much faster and more efficient. In exchange I have lost about 20 smiles while I am left with only 2.
I heard Joe Biden speak last night as part of his “Finding purpose in a time of uncertainty" book tour. He talked a lot about his personal life, but the theme that ran through his remarks was the importance of personal involvement and face to face interaction with those around us. As many others have, he spoke about how barriers are broken down when we look someone else in the eye.
I am a Minnesotan by birth. i talk to people in the elevator and make friends on the streets of New York. So maybe this is more important to me than to others. But, my life experience is that most people respond to a smile and that little spark is important to both of us. This is an immense loss. Meeting eyes and smiling at another bridges the divides that we see and feel so strongly in our society. It may sound like hyperbole, but I believe that these brief moments are how we affirm the humanity (I might even say divinity) of other people. Along with all the other losses of the current day, this may be one of the greatest.