Hispanic Federation Fund for Puerto Rico Relief Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark: Ho Ho Homigod Make It Stop Edition
“The White House just unveiled its holiday display, and it has a nativity scene, marking the first time all year there’s been Wise Men at the White House.”
---Jimmy Fallon
“People are mad at President Trump for meeting with Native American leaders in front of a portrait of anti-Native American president Andrew Jackson. Even worse, today President Trump met with Hispanic leaders in front of a portrait of President Trump.”
---Conan O’Brien
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“Donald Trump: the man voted “least edible” by Cannibal magazine six years in a row...”
---John Oliver
“Republicans claim the [tax] bill cuts taxes on everyone---from billionaires all the way down to regular old millionaires. The bill relies heavily on trickle-down economics, but don’t worry, it’s only called a trickle. You’re actually getting hosed.”
---Michael Che, SNL
“Here in Hollywood, we don’t hate Alabama, we love Alabama. We love Alabama so much we sent Reese Witherspoon to make a movie about you. We just don’t like alleged child molesters, and we hope you can see your way clear to not electing one to the Senate of the United States, that’s all.”
---Jimmy Kimmel
Well. That was a week. If it helps, we’ve got an open Bacardi IV bar. Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 1, 2017
Note: "If you break a Jesus ornament, you go straight to hell."
---A message from your friends at the United Hair-Trigger Church of Christ
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the special senate election in Alabama: 11
Days 'til the Army-Navy game: 8
Percent of net-neutrality feedback to the FCC that contained false, duplicate or temporary email addresses, most of them from anti-net-neutrality trolls: 57%
Amount Canada has set aside to compensate military and government employees whose careers were ended due to anti-LGBT discrimination from the 1950s to the 1990s: $78 million
Number of hunting licenses granted to infants under a new law in Wisconsin: 3
Mileage on the average Maine car with an active registration, according to The Portland Press Herald: 100,131
Number of sets that were built for Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi: 125
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A gaggle of Mini-mes…
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CHEERS to December. The year's glorious, sparkling, musical, snow-bedecked, bell-ringing, Norman Rockwellesque grand finale! Bring on the swans a' swimming, sharpen your dreidel tips and polish your Festivus pole. Bring on Luke Skywalker and the porgs in the new Star Wars movie! (14 days and counting.) Bring on Sunday’s super moon! (16% brighter and 7% larger. Can your ordinary moon beat that? No way!) Bring on the winter solstice! Bring on C&J’s 14th anniversary! Bring on more Trump administration indictments! Oh, and check the expiration date on the eggnog that's been sitting in the back of your fridge since 1998 before you take a swig. (If it's turned semi-solid, you can still use it to patch potholes in your driveway.) And settle your differences with 2017 because in 31 days it is out the door and ain't comin' back. I believe I speak on behalf of everybody here when I say: "Good."
JEERS to December. The year's stress-filled, bone chilling, dark-by-3, be-cheerful-or-else, and oh-here comes a-giant-blizzard grand finale. The Harry Simeone choir will make curmudgeons' ears bleed with enough pa-rum-pum-pum-pums to choke a horse, and you just know there are even more beloved mega-celebrities who will inconvenience us by dying this month. There’s the Pearl Harbor anniversary to remind us how few of our WW II heroes remain above ground. Our cat will keep batting ornaments off the tree. With Trump and the Republicans still in charge, the wise among us will forgo candy canes and instead hang holiday-themed Prozac dispensers. And I just guzzled a bunch of eggnog before checking the expiration date. Nice knowin’ ya. I believe I speak on behalf of everybody here when I say: "Bah humbug."
CHEERS to C&J Theater. Today’s presentation is called Schadenfreude: A Play in One Delicious Act:
[Curtain Up]
A woman approaches a prison cell. She begins speaking to a despondent-looking man inside the cell.
Woman
Hi, General Flynn.
Inmate
Hillary? You're...you’re visiting me in prison? That is so nice of you.
Woman
I brought you a cake. [Winks.] It has a file in it.
Inmate
Really? A file to help me break out?
Woman
Nah. An email file! Haaaaa Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!! Be sure to try the prison meatloaf...I hear the maggots inside are extra crunchy. See ya later, convicted felon. Lock you up! Lock you up!
[Woman exits]
Inmate
Noooooooooooo…!!!
[SFX: Thunderclap]
[Curtain down]
Just send my Tony Award to the usual address.
P.S. Let’s never forget this tidbit:
“Though [Michael Flynn] wasn't initially considered for the top job, Trump's daughter, Ivanka Trump, and son-in-law Jared Kushner made it clear to the Trump transition team that they wanted him there, CNN has reported.”
Gee, why would they want a Russian spy working one door down from the Oval Office? Hmmmmm…….
CHEERS (because it's important) and JEERS (because it's still necessary) to World AIDS Day. This year marks 36 years since the first published scientific account of the virus that would decimate the gay community and spread to the straight community with equal viciousness. Today more than 36.7 million people around the world live with HIV or full-blown AIDS. A minimum of 35 million have died from it. UNAIDS says the 29th anniversary of World AIDS Day brings with it optimism, but only if governments (like ours now, sadly) quit dithering and start treating health care as a right, not a privilege:
Too many people---especially those who are the most marginalized and most affected by HIV---still face challenges in accessing the health and social services they urgently need. We all must continue to stand shoulder to shoulder with the people being left behind and demand that no one is denied their human rights.
This year has seen significant steps on the way to meeting the 90–90–90 treatment targets towards ending AIDS by 2030. Nearly 21 million people living with HIV are now on treatment and new HIV infections and AIDS-related deaths are declining in many parts of the world. But we shouldn’t be complacent. In eastern Europe and central Asia, new HIV infections have risen by 60% since 2010 and AIDS-related deaths by 27%. Western and central Africa is still being left behind. Two out of three people are not accessing treatment. We cannot have a two-speed approach to ending AIDS.
For all the successes, AIDS is not yet over. But by ensuring that everyone, everywhere accesses their right to health, it can be.
By the way, the last time the 54-ton AIDS quilt could be displayed in its entirety was 1996, and if laid out today it would cover more than 1,293,300 square feet. Not coincidentally, this is also Give A Virus The Finger Day. Knock yerself out.
CHEERS to parking your keister for equality. On December 1, 1955, black seamstress Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery, Alabama public bus. The bus driver, James Blake, said he was just doing his job when he ratted her out. But history reveals his job apparently also included being a dick:
Once, after she had paid her fare at the front, he had ordered her to board the bus at the rear and then, before she could do so, driven off. On other occasions he had ostentatiously driven past the stop at which she was waiting.
As for Parks, she wasn't the first black American to challenge the discriminatory rules of public transportation. But in this case, her arrest and the ensuing boycott of the bus system---led by budding activist Martin Luther King, Jr.---became a signature event of the civil rights protest movement. I don’t like to play the game of "What If," but I'd bet dollars to doughnuts she'd be rooting for the Black Lives Matter movement. Yeah---going out on limbs is one of my strong suits.
CHEERS to America's cleaning service. On December 1, 1970 the Environmental Protection Agency was born during the reign of that shameless Marxist commie Richard "Hitler/Mao/Stalin" Nixon. Under his orders, government "life panels" were created to ration environmental care by putting competent bureaucrats between you and your polluter under the guise of collectively "protecting human health and the environment." It was just one more way the Republicans tried to take power away from the individual and use it to advance their radical socialist agenda. Today, thoroughly embarrassed by their un-American blunder, Republicans led by Scott Pruitt are doing their best to shrink the EPA and erase any connection between themselves and promotion of America's general welfare. Because, as their current bumper sticker slogan says: "Clean Air Promotes Lazy Lungs."
CHEERS to home vegetation. Remember the days when the TV had to "warm up" for, like, 60 seconds or more before it would even think of giving you a picture? Ha ha, we really gave our cardiovascular systems a workout back then, boy howdy! Tonight we get the weekend viewing off to a teeth-grinding start with tax vote coverage on MSNBC’s All In and The Rachel Maddow Show, followed by the cast of Star Wars VIII on Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC).
New home video releases include Steven Soderberg’s quirky heist movie Logan Lucky, and a flick moviegoers flocked to by the ones, Tulip Fever. Saoirse Ronan (Brooklyn, Lady Bird) hosts SNL tomorrow night. The basketball schedule is here, the hockey schedule is here and the NFL schedule is here. (The Patriots will prevent Buffalo from “roaming”...down the field that is, Ha Ha Ha!) Sunday on CBS you can catch the 50th anniversary special saluting---[pulls earlobe]---The Carol Burnett Show, but not before the network salutes the 50th anniversary of 60 Minutes. Lisa applies to Harvard on The Simpsons and Meg takes up drinking on Family Guy. (BTW, hat tip to Seth MacFarlane, who was nominated for a couple Grammys and whose sci-fi show The Orville is must-watch fun.) Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Sens. Susan Collins (R-Billionaire Appeasement Land) and Dianne Feinstein (D-CA); Trump bootlickers David Bossie (Citizens United) and Cory Lewandowski (Trump campaign manager) are given ten minutes to hawk their book Let Trump Be Trump.
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: Sens. Angus King (I-ME) and Lindsey Graham (R-Kookville); Trump’s budget hatchet man Mick Mulvaney.
CNN's State of the Union: Sens. Mark Warner (D-VA) and Tim Scott (R-SC); former Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY); National Security Adviser Michael Flynn H.R. McMaster.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 1, 2007
CHEERS to Evel Knievel. He was skilled, courageous, media-savvy...and batty as hell. The stunt daredevil, who broke every bone in his body and suffered from every health problem you can name, lasted an astounding 69 years. His first feat in the afterlife: jumping the Pearly Gates.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to my hunka hunka burnin' love with creaky knees.
Happy Birthday and many blessings on his camels to Michael, aka "Common Sense Mainer" here at the Great Orange Satan, my partner of 24½ years (and, oh, does that ever piss off the religious right).
Tomorrow my little lotus blossom turns [redacted] years old---young enough to not be eligible for Social Security, old enough to get AARP Magazine delivered every month like clockwork. My shnookum-wookums shares it (his birthday, not AARP Magazine) with Britney Spears (36), Lucy Liu (49), Cathy Lee Crosby (77), Harry Reid (78), and Stone Phillips (63). If they're true to form, I'll get a call from the cops tomorrow around midnight, and shortly thereafter I'll give him his annual birthday present: bail.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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