After last month's interview with former White House dog Maga, I wanted to follow up. This proved a bit difficult, as she's had to reduce her availability. Finally, after some back-and-forth calls with her new family, she agreed to be interviewed yesterday via Skype.
CV: Good to talk with you again, Maga. But why Skype?
Maga: Since our last interview, I've been swamped by reporters and fans. Can't even go out for a decent dump except at night.
CV: I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would blow up like it did.
Maga: Well, people love a good dog story. And, hey, a lot of dogs have had a worse time on the road to fame. Poor Old Yeller...
CV: Well, hopefully you can avoid his fate. Not too many rabid wolves in Kalorama.
Maga: Yeah, they're mostly down on Pennsylvania Avenue.
CV: Good one. But we've got a lot to catch up on, so let's get to it. Last month you tweeted that Mueller's team subpoenaed you. What was that like?
Maga: They were great. Had a water bowl ready for me. And liver treats! Never once saw those at the White House, I can tell you. If they're treating all their witnesses with that kind of thoughtfulness, Trump's in big trouble.
CV: Um, okay. I was actually curious as to what you talked about.
Maga: Well, my lawyer says I can't go into detail...
CV: Wait, you've lawyered up? A dog?
Maga: You got a problem with witnesses having representation?
(On Robert Mueller) Ice cold Alpha, baby. Let the others ask the questions. Just sat and stared. I felt like I was a hamburger being slowly eaten by a selfish owner.
CV: No, I just... I'm sorry. So, what can you tell us about the encounter?
Maga: The staff is very professional. And Mueller himself? Ice cold Alpha, baby. Let the others ask the questions. Just sat and stared. I felt like I was a hamburger being slowly eaten by a selfish owner.
CV: But you can't talk about what was discussed?
Maga: Not much. Suffice it to say that General Flynn's nowhere near the main course at that supper.
CV: You're a tease, you know that?
Maga: Says the guy from the species that fake-throws tennis balls.
CV: Touche. Moving on to other things, the big story this week was Omarosa's firing...
Maga: Wait, that was the big story? Republicans are giving away a trillion dollars to rich bums, Trump tried to secretly call Putin and that's your lede?
CV: I only know what I see on TV, Maga.
Maga: Maybe I'll fetch you a newspaper sometime.
CV: Back to Omarosa: Did you ever encounter her while you were in the White House?
Maga: If you call getting tripped over as she waltzed in and out of the Oval "encountering," plenty. She thought she owned the place, and the guy in it. All but peed on the Resolute Desk. I'm not surprised Kelly gave her the boot.
CV: You're saying she wanted the president to herself?
Maga: Like me with a favorite chew toy. Hated it when he paid attention to anyone else. Wanted everyone to worship the guy. Once she cornered me in the hall when he was passing by, gave me the stare and point and yelled, "Bow!" I just laughed and said, "Wow."
CV: She didn't like you?
Maga: She didn't like anyone. Except Trump. She worshiped the guy. Honestly, with her around, I have no idea why he got a dog in the first place.
CV: And did he like her?
Maga: He tolerated her. Because of the worship, you know? I mean, I don't like a lot of people, but if all you do is scratch my ears and tell me how good a dog I am, I'll let you hang. About like that.
CV: The press is saying that, with her gone, there are no black people at all on Trump's staff. Is that true?
Maga: How would I know? I'm color-blind, remember?
CV: Oh, sorry.
Maga: Ah, I'm just busting your chops. We're not really, you know. Just a different spectrum than yours. But, to your question, yeah, I think she was the only African American on the staff. Trump's not exactly Mister Inclusion on that issue, if you know what I'm saying.
CV: Did you ever hear him say anything about that?
Maga: Oh, yeah. Pretty damned directly, too. None of this nod-wink euphemism business. Especially if he was with Bannon or Sessions. Serious, old school stuff.
I was there for the Comey "loyalty" thing. It was funny watching Sessions' face when Trump told him to leave the room. His expression was pure "Oh, shit."
CV: You met Sessions?
Maga: I told you before, I was there for the Comey "loyalty" thing. It was funny watching Sessions' face when Trump told him to leave the room. His expression was pure "Oh, shit."
CV: What was your impression of Comey?
Maga: Straight up guy. Maybe a little too stiff. I can't imagine any dog trying to sniff that crotch.
CV: And Flynn, what was your take on him?
Maga: Classic LDS.
CV: What? He's Mormon?
Maga (leans head sideways): Huh? (head up) Ah, I get it. No, "Little Dog Syndrome." He'll yap and yap and yap at the fence like he's going to tear you to pieces, open the gate and whoosh! Gone pecan.
CV: You're saying he's a coward?
Maga: Not entirely. It's just that the only time he's comfortable is when he thinks you're intimidated by him. Which is why he liked Trump so much. Trump has a real general fetish and Flynn played him mercilessly. Trump's serious LDS himself. But you put Flynn in a room with a real big dog, he's totally "Yes, sir, yes, sir." Having sat through a session with Mueller, I'm not at all surprised Flynn flipped. Mueller's exactly the kind of guy Flynn wants to think he is, but knows he isn't.
CV: You have a surprisingly subtle understanding of people, Maga.
Maga (laughs): You all aren't nearly as deep as you think you are. If you had about 40 times more receptors in your noses, you'd understand just how much you're giving away. You're cool, though. We never would have invented the can opener, so I guess every species has something to offer.
CV: We'll work on that. Anything else you want to tell Daily Kos readers before we sign off?
Have Mueller's back. Register on that moveon site in case he gets the axe. Trump is terrified right now.
Maga: Yeah. Keep on the Russia thing. And have Mueller's back. Register on that moveon site in case he gets the axe. Trump is terrified right now, 'cause he knows Mueller's got the goods, especially now that Flynn's singing. Everyone knows dogs can smell fear, but not everyone knows we can smell it on Twitter, and that man is stinking. The end is closer than you think.
CV: That's encouraging news. Thanks.
Maga: My pleasure. And, Vor?
CV: Yes, Maga?
Maga: If you run across any of those liver treats...
CV: Say no more.
Fun Maga Fact: Maga, understandably, doesn’t want many details about her made public. Her profile picture is, in fact, not her at all, but Shortbus, companion of New Orleans drummer Carlo Nuccio. Shortbus is rather well-known himself. In fact, he’s featured in the Big Easy Animal Resource (B.E.A.R.) 2018 calendar. Well deserved honor for a very good boy.