What a disappointment. Hair Drumpf just announced that his Fake News awards, originally scheduled to take place tomorrow, have been moved to January 17. According to the Stable Genius, this is due to the overwhelming “excitement” this event has brought about.
On the bright side, people like Stephen Colbert will have more time to promote their worthiness of the honors. I, on the other hand, am pissed. Cartier is only loaning me that diamond and emerald necklace for 24 hours tomorrow, and I already hired the body guard they required me to get. I was so ready for that red carpet. You cannot depend on anything anymore.