From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
I Haiku So You Don’t Have To
I wrote these yesterday, before I noticed it was National Haiku Day. Freaky. Like, actually freaky.
Turbulent river
Cars swallowed and homes flooded
Hannity flopsweat
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Scandal tempest swirls
Look! Nice new “smart” missiles fly
Arf, says the wagged dog
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Flowers in his hair
Gorsuch sides with SCOTUS libs
Winged piggies take flight
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[Scott Pruitt facepalm]
“What?” “Huh?” “Who?” “Who?” “Huh?” “What?” “WHAT?!!!”
Cone of Silence fail
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Blizzard in April
Global warming is a hoax
Until these toes thaw
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, April 18, 2018
Note: In the interest of full disclosure, I’m represented in legal matters only by my dog. I find her much better than humans at burying evidence.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Cinco de Mayo: 17
Days ’til the 35th annual Petaluma Butter and Egg Days Parade in California: 10
Percent of Millennials who say they’re looking forward to the midterm elections, compared to 39% in 2010, according to a New York Times poll: 62%
Percent of Millennials who say they plan to vote for Democrats: 62%
Percent of white evangelicals in the same NYT poll who say they’d forgive a president’s immoral behavior, versus 30% when Obama was in office: 72%
Age at which parents think their kids should start getting an allowance, according to AARP: 10
Percent chance that squirrels frequently agonize over the decision to either eat a nut now or bury it for later, according to research done on fox squirrels at UC Berkeley: 100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 3 occults and 1 April 23rd deadline for humanity’s grand finale). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: His unifying abilities truly made capybara a beloved president for all the animals…
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JEERS to today’s boring correction. Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke, who has claimed he’s a geologist at least 40 times, is in fact not a geologist. This concludes today’s boring correction. Unless you’d like to hear the other 632 corrections for Trump administration errors since 6am this morning. No. I didn’t think so. Pass the bourbon.
CHEERS to medicine that matters. Remember that African ebola outbreak a few years ago that was as notable for the (politically-motivated) right-wing freakout over black people bringing disease to America as it was the actual health scare? Well, there’s good news on one of those fronts this week: a vaccine appears to offer long-term protection from a common ebola strain. Much high-fiving going on among the lab coat wearers:
Dr. Angela Huttner, an infectious diseases specialist at Switzerland’s University Hospitals of Geneva and the lead author of the paper [said] “This is really good news because this vaccine is destined for places where logistics are very difficult. Having to do booster shots would be very impractical in these regions.” […]
“It’s very encouraging,” Michael Osterholm, director of the University of Minnesota’s Center for Infectious Diseases Research and Policy, said of the new findings. Osterholm was not involved in the study.
Merck, which has said it is working toward a 2018 licensure filing with the Food and Drug Administration, also welcomed the results.
Sadly, still no vaccine against right-wing freakouts. Beyond the usual psychotherapy.
JEERS to payin’ the piper. Yesterday was tax day, and we hope you either got yours in on time or filed for an extension with minimal fuss. If I got a tax cut, I sure didn’t see it this year---same with my partner Michael. Why, it’s almost like Republicans bulldozed a huge chunk of the Treasury up to the rich in the dead of night without telling anybody, and left us with the proverbial crumbs. And guess what? We kinda noticed…
The new NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll shows that the tax-cut law, never broadly popular, has sagged in public esteem lately. Just 27 percent of Americans call it a good idea, down from 30 percent in January. A 36 percent plurality call it a bad idea, while the rest have no opinion.
Moreover, a majority gives thumbs-down on the plan when asked to consider its potential effects. Just 39 percent foresee a positive impact from a stronger economy, more jobs and more money in their pockets; 53 percent foresee a negative impact from higher deficits and disproportionate benefits for the wealthy and big corporations. […]
[W]orking-class, middle-class and upper-class Americans all hold negative views of the tax-cut law. Women who have graduated from college call the tax cuts a bad idea by nearly a 3-to-1 margin.
The only thing Republicans have to show for themselves besides their robbery of the Treasury is…Trump. Well, good luck with that.
JEERS to the coin-tosser-in-chief. Twelve years ago, George W. Bush, in yet another moment of detachment from reality, proclaimed after 5½ years of utter incompetence: "I'm the decider and I decide what's best." If I may weigh in on that, sir? You sucked at deciding.
JEERS to shouldering an unwelcome burden. Supreme Court Justice and “wise Latina” Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her right shoulder in a fall at her home Monday:
The court says the 63-year-old Sotomayor will wear a sling for several weeks and undergo physical therapy. She is not expected to miss any time on the bench. The justices are hearing arguments this week and next.
Sotomayor was in court Monday and did not appear to be in pain.
In response, Fox & Friends unanimously agreed that this proves Sotomayor is a radical left-winger.
CHEERS to…um…er…um er…..this guy? Speaking of the Supreme Court, an odd thing happened there yesterday. The justice believed to be so evil that he’d stop a thug from stabbing you with a knife so he could do it himself actually did something with a shred of what many are calling “humanity”…
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday that an immigration statute requiring the deportation of noncitizens who commit felonies is unlawfully vague in a decision that could limit the Trump administration’s ability to step up the removal of immigrants with criminal records.
The court, in a 5-4 ruling in which President Donald Trump’s conservative appointee Neil Gorsuch joined the court’s four liberal justices, sided with convicted California burglar James Garcia Dimaya, a legal immigrant from the Philippines.
The court upheld a 2015 lower court ruling that the Immigration and Nationality Act provision requiring Dimaya’s deportation created uncertainty over which crimes may be considered violent, risking arbitrary enforcement in violation of the U.S. Constitution.
After court adjourned, Roberts took Gorsuch out back for a reboot. The problem appears to be solved. This morning on the way to work he rolled down his window and sentenced a jaywalker to life without parole.
CHEERS to Saddle Sores for Freedom. On this date in 1775, Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott hopped on their Segways and scootered from Boston to Concord, Mass.,warning the citizens of the approaching British army (Prescott was the only one with enough juice to make it all the way). Their focus group-tested talking point: "The British Are Coming!" Tomorrow: The thrilling conclusion…
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 18, 2008
CHEERS to being a cut above the rest. See, when President Bush appoints a crony to a position, it's customary for that person to a) have no experience with the position, and b) No desire to learn anything about the position. But doggone it, some people just can't help themselves:
Peter Cianchette of South Portland told a Senate panel that is considering his nomination to be ambassador to Costa Rica on Wednesday that he is up to the job, even though his Spanish is rusty and he has never been to Costa Rica. Cianchette, who was Maine's Republican gubernatorial candidate in 2002, said he has had crash courses in Spanish language and Costa Rican politics since he was nominated earlier this year.
I'm sure he'll do a heckuva job. Don’t forget the sunscreen and your Ronald Reagan beach towel.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a warm welcome. “Push it out! Push it out! Waaaaay out!” Welcome to the world, Moke! That’s the name of Calaya’s baby boy, who became the first male western lowland gorilla born at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo in nearly a decade. You can see and cry over the actual birth at this link. But if you’re not into the messy business, here’s some b-roll of Mama’s first cuddle with junior that you can see and cry over instead:
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Welcome to the world, kid. Just don’t tell the little fella who his human overlord is or he’ll climb back in.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
“Subordinate yourself to Bill in Portland Maine, okay, and zip your mouth.”
---Anthony Scaramucci
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