It is confirmed—an email was sent to researchers at the Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research (CBER) at the FDA’s White Oak campus, after complaints that the TVs in all common areas had been turned from CNN to Fox News. FDA's Office of Facilities asserted in the email that all TVs would be set to Fox News all the time, no changes, don’t ask again. One FDA appointee reportedly said, “If you don’t like it, there’s the door and here’s my foot.”
Not altogether surprising. Fox News has been de rigueur at many workplaces for years, as have been summary executions for changing the channel. Federal offices are just now coming around. But did all of them get the same memo as the FDA?
Rank and file at the FBI were stunned and nauseated this month to find that all their TV’s are now showing InfoWars, with Alex Jones spewing spittle, venom, and vitriol in an endless loop at full volume. “I feel like Malcom McDowell in A Clockwork Orange,” reported one staffer, “What’s more, all our screen savers now display an election ad for Joe Arpaio.”
“It’s almost as though they don’t want us to get any work done,” offered an FBI HR manager. “I’ve put in 30 years, but I’ve put in for transfer to do undercover work in the field. I’ll take a bullet before I’ll take another day of Mr. Jones.”
Agency investigators are fuming that they must endure a sweaty Alex Jones screaming at them in the lunch room. “Good god, have they no humanity? If I hear once more about chemtrails or RBG’s ritual satanic murder of Scalia, I’m going to blow my lunch,” shouted one agent wearing noise-cancelling headphones. “Don’t for a minute think we don’t know what they’re doing. This is what Delta Force did to Manuel Noriega in 1989. It’s torture, pure and simple, but I guess that’s allowed again now. And holy shit, it’s working.”
Another source, who refused to give his name, suspects that the true target of this is Christopher Wray, “They railroaded Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, drove out Andy McCabe, now they’re gunning for Chris. The rest of us are just collateral damage. We’ve put in some calls and begged them to stop, for god’s sake, or at least change it to Dr. Phil or The View. All we got was this email.”
From:FBI Digital Display
Sent: Wednesday, May 15, 2017 9:49 AM
To: Federal Investigators and Staff
Subject: Regards about the news on the monitors in your locations
Good Morning, FBI,
Please excuse me for sending this out to your entire group via your listserv, but I’ve been told it’s not safe to speak to any of you individually. My friends at EPA suggested I send this out from a secure bunker. I was alerted by a member in your group that I should invest in a bullet-proof desk, so I wanted to let everyone know that the reason for the change from CNN has nothing whatsoever to do with me.
The reason for the change is that a decision from the current administration administrative officials has requested that all monitors, under our control, in all FBI buildings, display this abomination. No, it’s not a sick joke. They really want that.
Sorry for the inconvenience, but I am unable to change any of the monitors to any other news source at this time.
Staff leaks from other agencies are starting to trickle in, revealing that the TV monitors at EPA now only show commercials for Round-up, and TV’s at the FCC have been converted to coin-operated. Sorry for the inconvenience.