Today was a bad day...
/rant on
...probably close to the worst, if not the worst I've had in the 18 months since I tried to end my life.
I was/am frustrated with work - a problem that I thought should work smoothly required much too much effort and still isn't right. I feel like I've let down my job/co-workers.
My nephew tells me about 90 minutes ago there's water leaking from the ceiling in the garage. I instantly know why. I've been f'in lazy and haven't had a roll of duct tape, so the drain to my air handler backed up. Completely preventable. Now I feel like a worthless moron. Now I have more repairs to do int eh garage ceiling.
My back/right hip has been balky for 7-8 months (since after hurricane Irma) and I tweaked it the other day opening a very smooth sliding glass door. So it's not like I had to struggle to open it. I just took a step forward and POP goes the illiac muscle. Now I feel old and worthless and stupid.
I wanted to play music tonight, but I just can't deal with it. It's transformed into just another stressor for the moment, but I feel like I'm letting my friends down. But the music is not nearly as much a stessor my job, which has me waiting around to either start an update process or have me feel even more stupid if we can't update. I still want to go upstairs and turn on the bass amp and play. Just by myself. Maybe get on the piano - I started back up with some regular pratice on the keys, but that slipped again.
Got to lie down on the couch and have my dogs lie on me. If I didn't scare them too much with my mini freak-out.
I have to thank this community - looking at one of the replies to a comment of mine did make me laugh. I'm not in an emotional spiral now like I was an hour or so ago. I've just had enough of this crap for today, for the week...
Thank you, all of you.
/rant off