It was on this date, May 25, 2015 that she struggled with her last breath. She said, “I will NOT go without a fight.”
She didn’t.
No one who ever met her, forgot her. She lived life to the fullest, and in her short 26 years, made an impression on everyone she met.
She loved St. Thomas, and they loved her. She loved taking care of the kids in the nursery so their parents could attend services without distraction.
When her cancer was discovered three years ago, it was too advanced to be treated. She was at home in Hospice care. A hospital bed was set up in the living room. A steady stream of people came through the house. Sara and Ann created a quilt for her in record time. It was delivered by our Daily Kos Asheville contingent. When the quilt was spread out on her bed, she rubbed the hem, saying softly, “This means a lot to me.”
When we had her wake, she rested in state at the church altar, her DKos Community Quilt beside her.
She was emphatic that she did not want a funeral. She had already attended too many. She had helped bury classmates, as well as her brother, nephew, and her mother. There were services at the National Cemetery, including a memorial for at least one Kossack and her ggg-grandfather, Samuel Brashears.
She did not want a funeral. She wanted to be remembered with joy. She asked that, instead of a funeral, we have a party and tell stories about her. And to be sure and have plenty of wine and Scotch. After all, it IS an Episcopal church. We did our best.
There were decisions to be made. The local cemetery did not want to cooperate with our wishes for her interment, so we were in limbo. I got advice and suggestions from all directions for the past three years, but in the end, I had to make the decision.
The thing that kept haunting me was a promise I made to her when she was a baby, and again when she got sick. I promised I would never leave her. One of the last things she said to me, with a look of terror in her eyes, “You said you wouldn’t leave me.”
We have been in limbo. I talked with a number of people and we came up with the idea of a memorial bench for her at the church. Not just a bench. Far more than that. It is her marker. Thanks to Kossacks sockpuppet and Dixiecollie, the bench was crowdfunded. It belongs to all those who come here, who donated, who offered moral support, and those who helped out in ways both tangible and intangible.
The idea of a memorial bench for her at the church triggered an avalanche of ideas. Finally, I told Fr. Tim and the vestry that we were now in over our pay grade. I know a bit about architecture and design—just enough to know when I don’t know enough. Somewhat tentatively, I made the suggestion we consult a landscape architect. As is the case when someone offers a suggestion to a committee, I was appointed to find a consulting landscape architect.
In my search, I found a well known landscape architect. Harvard graduate and former professor at the University of Maryland. Kenneth Soergel, A.S.L.A. has chosen this area to live in semi-retirement. When I told him what we had in mind, he agreed to do the consult without hesitation. He moved fast, because we wanted to have the dedication by the anniversary of her passing.
Fr. Tim pointed out that we would have the Episcopal Bishop of East Tennessee here on May 20. The bench engraving was done just in time. We decided to have an interment of her ashes on May 16, so the bench could be set up in time for the following Sunday.
As luck would have it, it was raining and the ground was wet. The foundation slab could be laid, but the bench could not be assembled on wet ground. The slab needed a few days to settle.
The morning of May 16, we held a brief service inside the church for her. The workmen arrived on time to prepare the ground for the slab.
When the ground was prepared for her remains, they excavated a deep hole for the urn. We had a stainless steel urn for a “vault.”
She was interred beneath the center of the bench slab. It was still too wet to assemble the bench by Sunday, so the workmen laid out the back of the bench in time for the Sunday service.
The Bishop of East Tennessee, the Rt. Rev. Brian Lee Cole presided over the blessing and consecration of this holy ground that holds our Lassie and her bench.
The Bench was assembled earlier this week.
This would not have happened if it had not been for sockpuppet, Dixiecollie, and all those (you know who you are) who contributed and made this meditation garden possible.
Thank you each and every one, from our family to yours.