From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
What Made Trump Look Like a Bigger Jackass in July
Posting this before the month is over for two reasons: 1) we’ll be off next week, and 2) this month’s Bullshit Mountain was getting so high that it was threatening to puncture the atmosphere and suck out all the air. (I’m told that would be bad.)
His tariffs
Scott Pruitt
“Wouldn’t”
J.K. Rowling
Montenegro
Vladimir Putin
The Cohen tape
The U.S. FART Act
His war on women
His attorney general
Diaper Baby Trump
The European Union
The London protesters
The Scottish protesters
The Finnish protesters
Lincoln’s poll numbers
The Kansas City protesters
His embarrassed chief of staff
His little “their/there” problem
Dumb Jared’s Middle East peace plan
All his books, none of which he wrote
This is only the tip. The rest of it can be seen at the bottom of today’s column below the fold.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Note: Yeah, it's hot. But at least it's an oppressive, unbearable, sultry, sweat gland-draining, brain-melting heat.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 151
Days 'til Lollapalooza in Chicago: 8
Percent of Americans who want Congress to "keep what works and fix what doesn't" in the ACA, not repeal it, according to a PPP poll: 59%
Percent of Americans who approve of the way Trump handled his meeting with Vladimir Putin, according to a new ABC News/WaPo poll: 33%
Approval and disapproval, respectively, of Trump's handling of the treatment of parents and children who entered the country illegally at the U.S. border: 31%, 58%
Approximate acreage American farmers use to grow sweet corn, according to Parade: 800,000
Number of varieties available, including "Sugar Buns" and "Bodacious": 200
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 5 Israels and 1 letter from Tasmania Jesus). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Mirror, mirror….
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CHEERS to an abrupt change of plans. Trump’s “very fine people”---the ones with the Nazi armbands---were planning to repeat last year’s hate rally in Charlottesville on August 12th. But it seems that sunlight and white supremacists are still a toxic mix, so---potato, puhtahto, tomato, tuhmahto---they’re calling the whole thing off:
An organizer of last summer’s deadly white nationalist rally in Virginia has withdrawn his request for a court order allowing him to stage an event marking its anniversary.
One of Jason Kessler’s lawyers announced his change of plans during a brief hearing in federal court on Tuesday. [...]After arriving more than a half hour late for the hearing, Kessler conferred with his lawyers, who had been addressing the judge. The attorneys then said he was withdrawing his request. Kessler’s lawyer, James Kolenich, told reporters afterward that he doesn’t know why Kessler abruptly abandoned his efforts to get a permit.
But at least he was polite about it, ending his court appearance with “Have a nice day.” “Thank you, we will,” said Charlottesville. “Especially on August 12th.”
CHEERS to real superheroes getting cast as imaginary superheroes. Nicole Maines is the transgender Mainer who, as a student up here, took her school all the way to the State Supreme Court so she could use the bathroom matching her gender identity---and won. It was one of the most inspiring displays of LGBT activism the state has ever seen. Now Nicole is getting into the acting business, and she made history this week at Comic-Con when she announced that she would be playing the first trans superhero on TV (specifically, the hit series Supergirl):
“Supergirl” announced that the transgender activist and actress would play Nia Nal, also known as the superhero Dreamer. … In the interview Sunday night, Maines said she will begin filming “Supergirl” this week in Vancouver, British Columbia, where she will live for the next several months.Filming is expected to end in April. “I guess I did something right,” Maines said,referring to her new role on the popular CW show, which is heading into its fourth season. Producers describe her character as a “soulful young transgender woman with a fierce drive to protect others.”
Click for more:
I don’t know who her nemeses are or what specific superpowers she’ll wield, but I hope the answers are bigots and chronic itching.
JEERS to our dumb White House. The big news on Monday wasn’t trump’s toothless ALL CAPS THREAT AGAINST IRAN, but his sudden hankering to revoke the security clearances of a handful of retired intelligence muckety mucks who haven’t shown the proper ring-kissing deference to the Orange King. Among them: former FBI director James Comey and FBI official Andrew McCabe. Just one little problem: the security clearances of Comey and McCabe have already been revoked. Never one to lose an argument, Trump responded: “Yeah, but not their invisible ones!”
JEERS to the worst teacher in the world. Our current Attorney General has a message for high schoolers attending a summit on leadership:
Universal translation across all languages and cultures: “Don’t lead like me.”
CHEERS to finding true (state-mandated-under-penalty-of-forced-labor) love. Aww, don’t ya just love it when ruthless dictators get twitterpated? That was the big story coming out of North Korea six years ago, when Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un married Ri Sol-Ju after realizing that his biological clock was ticking ticking ticking. This year they exchanged the traditional six-year anniversary gifts. Hers to him: a clock and a gift certificate to Awfulcuts. His to her: a My Husband Played Donald Trump for a Sucker and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt t-shirt. [Dabs eyes with handkerchief] That's amore.
CHEERS to seeing red. Big event happening upstairs on Friday. The longest lunar eclipse of the freaking century will take place in the night sky:
The totality of the lunar eclipse---when the moon will retain its red color---will last for about an hour and 42 minutes.
The entire event---beginning as the moon passes through the Earth's stratosphere---will last about six hours and 13 minutes, [Noah Petro, a scientist for the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center] said.
It's a good time for Americans to start getting excited about the moon, as NASA will begin celebrating the 50th anniversary of Apollo 11, the the spaceflight that made astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin the first two people on the moon, in October, Petro said. Armstrong and Aldrin landed on the moon on July 20, 1969.
It’ll be an inspiring memory for the ages, a learning experience full of wonderment and awe and…aw, shit, never mind. It ain’t happening in the United States. We don’t get to see it. Jesus Christ, we’re so toxic even outer space hates us now. Thanks, Trump.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 25, 2008
JEERS to wackos behind the wheel. Right-wing columnist Bob Novak drove his Corvette into a pedestrian yesterday morning and then tried to flee the scene. Based on his past comments, I'm sure he's real sorry:
[I]n a 2001 interview with the Washington Post, Novak said, "I really hate jaywalkers. I despise them. Since I don’t run the country, all I can do is yell at ‘em. The other option is to run ‘em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that."
Uh huh. Really. But at least Novak had a valid excuse for being distracted: he was late for his morning feeding at the blood bank.
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And just one more…
As promised, here’s the bottom half of this month’s record-breaking list of people and things that made Trump look like an even bigger jackass in July. Say this for the guy: he’s really good at building Bullshit Mountain franchises...
The non-existent “Democrat IT scandal”
The cost of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem
Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats
His gullible WH counselor Kellyanne Conway
“Best president of our lifetime” Barack Obama
His manners in front of Her Majesty the Queen
His daughter’s foreign, sweatshop-made clothing
The Chinese dishes at his “Made in America Showcase”
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Viking ship will drop anchor in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool
---The Portland Press Herald
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