From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
It Just Might Work?
Jimmy Kimmel and “Americans For Whatever the F*ck It Takes” have come up with what could be the most effective way to warn Donald Trump about the dangers of climate change and global warming:
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Now if we could just figure out how to hack into Fox News programming at 6 in the morning so Cadet Bone Spurs will see it. (If it helps, I have a socket wrench and a pair of pliers.)
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 9, 2018
Note: If you have $120 million I can embezzle from you, please leave it in the fish bowl on the counter. But not the fish bowl with the fish in it. The other one. Thx.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til 2019: 145
Days 'til the Pittston Tomato Festival in Pennsylvania: 10
Average number of months black women have to work to match what a white dude makes in 12: 20
Number of states in which the Asian long-horned tick has been found: 7
Percent of people who die after getting bit by one: 15%
Percent of Americans who believe racism is a serious issue in the country, according to a new Morning Consult-Politico poll: 83%
Percent of Americans who have an unfavorable opinion of Neo-Nazis in the same poll: 81%
Number of major league baseball teams with 80 wins this season: 1 (Red Sox)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I think one reason ["Against the Tide: the Battle for America's Beaches" by Cornelia Dean] is such a fun book to read is that it's one of those deals we all secretly relish: All the experts are wrong, the government is once again doing really dumb things and any of us could have told them it wouldn't work.
Ever since the Bible was written, we have known not to build our houses on sand. You'd think we'd have got it by now. …
Dean's discussion of "The Big One"---the monster hurricane that could crash into Florida, wipe out the Gulf Coast and drown New Orleans---is one of those "Holy gamoley!" deals.
It's also sobering to reflect that it's not a "Oh-it'll-never-happen" so much as an "Amazing-it-hasn't-happened-yet."
---August 1999. This month marks the 13th anniversary of "Holy gamoley" hurricane Katrina that drowned New Orleans.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Exit stage right….
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CHEERS to broads on the ballot. In the immortal words of Ann Romney: “I love you, women!!!” Think Progress reports that Tuesday was an excellent day for voters putting their Xs next to the names of the double-X-chromosomed:
Sharice Davids, a professional MMA fighter, Native American, and openly lesbian attorney, won the Democratic primary for Kansas’ 3rd congressional district.
Davids would be the first Native American elected to Congress if she wins in November. She also joins a record number of LGBTQ candidates running for office this year. […]
The wins also include Rashida Tlaib, who won the Democratic nomination in Michigan’s 13th district. As no Republican is contesting the seat, Tlaib will likely be the first Muslim and first Palestinian American congresswoman in U.S. history. […]
Women will also contest a record number of gubernatorial seats this year. After the primaries, there are now 11 female nominees for governor, including Gretchen Whitmer (D) in Michigan and Laura Kelly (D) in Kansas. The previous record was 10.
The Democratic party in Michigan boasts an all-female statewide ticket going into the November elections, with women in the running for governor, Senate, state attorney general, and secretary of state. This is especially significant considering the Republican party has controlled Michigan for more than seven years.
And it just gets better:
Democratic women could exceed the number of white male Democrats in the House of Representatives for the first time in history, according to recent data which shows that women currently account for 32.7 percent of House Democrats in 2017, while white men account for 39.7 percent.
All those in favor of flipping the House from “M” to “F” control say “Aye.” But first let me pop in my DuraPlugs so you don’t blow out my eardrums.
CHEERS to nailing another swamp dweller. Congressman and House Commerce Committee member Chris Collins (R-NY) was the first elected official on Capitol Hill to endorse Trump for president. But that wasn’t his only act of profound stupidity. Yesterday he got busted by the long arm of the law when U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York Geoffrey Berman drove a modified snowplow through Collins’ front door while shouting, “Let’s do some good!” Turns out Collins has been a bad boy:
An indictment obtained from a federal grand jury relates to Australian biotech company Innate Immunotherapeutics, on which Collins served as a board member.
It alleges Collins, 68, scrambled to call his son from the White House lawn and tell him non-public information about a failed drug trial in which they both owned shares. Collins' son, Cameron Collins, 25, as well as the father of his fiancee, Stephen Zarsky, 66, were also charged, according to the court filing. […] In total, the three defendants avoided "over $768,000 in losses that they would have otherwise incurred" had they sold their stock after the information was made public, according to the indictment. […] Zarsky, Collins and his son each face a maximum of 20 years in prison for each count of the most serious charges in the indictment.
Fearless prediction: when Trump arrives to serve his own sentence at the same prison, Collins will become Trump's first inmate supporter. I bet they’ll even get matching leg irons.
CHEERS and JEERS to the "Fat Man." 73 years ago today, on August 9, 1945 and three days after the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, we dropped a second nuke on Nagasaki. The bad news: it killed 74,000 people and caused unspeakable damage that lingers to this day. The good news: there was no third one.
CHEERS to the word of the day. Remember that narrow-minded heating and cooling contractor in Ohio who followed black man Charles Lovett’s car to his house last month so he could snarl, over and over, “I just want you to know what a nigger you are”? The racist’s name is Jeffrey Whitman, and he’s been whining to the press that anti-racists are being mean to him by calling him out en masse via social media. Which brings us to the word of the day, courtesy of The Miami Herald’s Leonard Pitts, one of the best columnists writing today. Pitts points out the frustrating push-me, pull-you state of racism in the age of Trump and social media. As U.S. demographics continue to evolve toward a majority made up of minorities, this gives me hope that the current wave of hate will eventually break and recede:
Whitman seemed bewildered at the suddenness with which his life has turned to poo. “I just don’t understand the intensity of the hate,” he complained. Whereupon irony turned a triple somersault, straightened like an exclamation point, and fell stone dead.
If Whitman is confused, though, it may be because America has been sending mixed messages. After all, these are boom times for bigots. One of their own is in the White House and they are well represented in the Republican Party. The judiciary has sapped black voting rights. In Fox, they have their very own “news” network. And, perhaps most importantly, so long as you remember to use approved language---gripe about “political correctness,” for example---you can express bigotry again in polite company for the first time in years.
But the boom in bigotry has come simultaneously with a boom in social media raising virtual mobs to shame the shameful. Bigots are being outed and confronted as never before. Demand that strangers speak English, ask for a permit to use the pool, commit a little innocent racism at the foot of a black guy’s driveway and suddenly everybody, everywhere is calling you out.
There’s a word for this, a word once thought to have all but disappeared from the English language: “consequences.”
Hey, welcome back.
CHEERS to a wild time in the Hawkeye State. Skies will be a mix of sun and clouds and the air will be hot in Iowa through the weekend, and for the latter you can thank the vats of bubbling fat and roving gangs of bloviating politicians at the legendary State Fair that starts today. At least a million people are expected to attend this year. This time around the traditional 600-pound butter cow (whose butter is recycled and can be reused for up to ten years, they say) has company in the form of “a celebration of the 100th anniversary of John Deere entering the tractor business with a replica of the Waterloo Boy Tractor.” And another tradition that will be on full display is the awkward eating of the corn dogs. So, for old time's sake, enjoy these memories from that golden presidential election year 2012 (the guy in the lower left is now in charge of our nukes and I believe the guy in the upper right just joined The Village People as the construction worker) with bonus ice cream cone:
The border was fixed with the disputed territory divided between the two nations. The British acquired the Halifax-Quebec road route they desired. Also, as a result of this treaty, portions of the US-Canada border were adjusted so as to give the US negligibly more land to the north.
It was, as they say, the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Until now, that is. 176 years later, the President of the United States has decided to start a trade war and bad-mouth their prime minister. Not to mention all the recent angry shouts of “Build the wall! Build the wall!” And that’s the Canadians.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 9, 2008
JEERS to using the wrong head. Remember when John Edwards said he wanted to jump on poverty, wrestle it to the ground and grind up against it until it begged for mercy? Apparently "poverty" is a North Carolina euphemism for buxom, cancer-free blonde mistress. I suppose if there's a silver lining it's this: I don't think we'll be hearing much about his $400 haircuts for awhile.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the life of Mr. Mellow. Twenty-three years ago today, Grateful Dead icon Jerry Garcia died at a Northern California residential drug treatment center. He was felled by a heart attack at 53. Or, as I like to say, too effing young:
The Dead used their global influence to advance environmental concerns like saving the rainforest as well as other charitable causes. As the band's patriarch, Garcia became a larger-than-life figure to his fans. Those close to him knew him as a sensitive man with a spiritual side. As Garcia put it, "I love great art, poetry, all the things that enrich human life are things that I like. Also, there's tons of music that I love. I mean I don't really think I'm gonna be able to get around to everything that I potentially like in this lifetime." …;
Onstage, where the Grateful Dead launched extended jams, Garcia's guitar solos sent Deadheads into ecstatic dances and trances. But Garcia remained humble. "I'd like to learn how to play the guitar before I die. Yeah, that'd be good."
Yeah, their concerts were legendary. (I hear someone might've discreetly passed around a joint at one of 'em) But for a gang of marauding hippies they warbled a pretty awesome Star Spangled Banner, too. And here they are for their annual encore to sing us out. Feel free to take a knee...they wouldn’t mind a bit...
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Have a mellow Thursday. (I hear Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia is wonderful this time of year.)
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
You can ask Bill in Portland Maine questions, play games with him, and even pet him to elicit a chirpy little purr. And because he’s completely autonomous, you can do something completely surprising: just ignore him, and let him do him own thing.
---The Verge
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