For a movie watcher, it should be a great time to be alive. No longer do you have to go to the video store and pay to rent a VHS tape, which may or may not work well, and then rewind it before returning (if you’re not a dick, that is). Instead, almost any movie is available with the right equipment and subscriptions. I have an Apple TV and subscriptions to four different streaming services—in addition to having iTunes rentals available. If I can’t find a movie on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Prime, I can at least rent it, without the hassle of going to the store and paying late fees when I inevitably forget to return it. Yes, 2018 is a movie lover’s paradise. And yet, I’m not happy.
This is my last weekend of freedom before the semester starts, and I was planning to sit down to enjoy some movies. I recently purchased a subscription to something called Shudder, which is a streaming service just for horror fans (yes, 2018 is a great time to be alive). I pay about $5/month for access to a pretty impressive variety of horror movies—some new, many classic, some great, many terrible (but even a bad horror movie is sometimes a lot of fun with the right amount of camp). The whole reason I bought my new Apple TV (I’d had the first generation for a long time) was so I could download the Shudder app on it. As a horror buff, it’s pretty much my dream come true. So tell me why I’ve only watched one movie on it so far. I’ll tell you. It’s because I can’t pick a damn movie to watch!
With all of this technology at my fingertips, there are some drawbacks. Last night, I was determined to have a movie date with Shudder. I popped a bag of popcorn. I sat down with my popcorn and soda and booted up the Apple TV. I opened Shudder and started scrolling. Ooooh, that slasher flick looks good. Hold on, let me open the laptop and check IMDB. Ouch, only 5.8/10. Well, that’s not too terrible. What does Rotten Tomatoes say? Oh yikes, 32 percent. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t do that one. How about this one? This looks like an interesting premise...what say you, IMDB? Oh, the first review says it’s slow. I don’t know if I want slow tonight. Well shit, how about this one? Okay, that’s 4/10 on IMDB...I have standards. Is there nothing to watch on here?
It went on and on like that for about 30 minutes. Finally, with my bag of popcorn half eaten, I threw up my hands and said, “Fuck it! I’m watching some baking shows.”
It occurred to me that this never happened in the era of video stores. At the risk of being all “back in my day” like an old crank, I actually do miss the video store. It’s not just nostalgia—I really think I was a happier movie watcher back then.
I grew up in a very rural area, and our nearest video rental spot was a little store seven or eight miles away called TJ’s, which is long gone today. When I was a kid, that shitty little video store was a magical place. There really is something about that old VHS cover art that draws you in. And, in particular, horror cover art was the best.
I always drifted toward the horror section, but needless to say, I was never allowed to watch Chucky or Freddy. That changed when I turned 17—I still wasn’t “allowed,” but I was old enough to ride my bike all the way to TJ’s and smuggle home horror VHS tapes like contraband. I never had trouble picking movies, horror or otherwise. The cover drew me in, and if it sounded good, I got it. Sometimes I picked terrible movies. I’ll never forget this one:
This was an awesome VHS cover for a god-awful movie about a killer snowman. But even this was still entertaining as hell! If I’d had IMDB to check back then, I’m sure I would have been put off by the 4.7/10 it has (really? that high?).
Many times, I was pleasantly surprised by my movie pick, and not just in the horror category. One time I picked out a movie thinking it was going to be a crime drama, only to realize it was a moving film about growing up gay. That would have never happened if I’d been able to check IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes—I’m sure the first review would have spoiled that. There was something adventurous, for lack of a better word, about picking a movie without knowing anything more than the blurb on the back. I still think what we have today is awesome. But sometimes I do miss what we had (or didn’t have) before. Some of it is just nostalgia (VHS really was terrible), but I think there was a connection we had to those VHS tapes that we don’t quite have with our streaming selections.
On a side note, TJ’s went out of business around the time I went off to college, I think, and they sold off all of their movies. I could have gotten most of their horror VHS collection dirt cheap. I will never forgive myself for not buying them. I could have had several shelves full of VHS nostalgia!
For myself, I think I’m going to resolve to take a few more risks and research a little less (or not at all) the next time I’m picking out a movie. Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised. At the very least, maybe I’ll actually pick a damn movie to watch.
What do you want to kibitz about tonight?