The past couple of years have had us all awash in a constant and overwhelming flow of news, but this is no time for metaphors.
From the Atlantic coast to the Midwest to Hawaii, many Americans are up to their actual eyeballs in actual water.
And yet, the inundation of news persists.
Well, consider me your your personal pontoon boat as we navigate the currents of state political happenings.
No Primary for Old Men: It’s a big week for rain AND primary elections, with three crazy nights of tracking election results, if you’re into that sort of thing.
- Tuesday gave us (a LOT of) primary results in New Hampshire.
- I mean, with 400 seats in the state House, that’s just how it goes.
- You can check out all the House results here, and the somewhat less intimidating list of Senate primary results here.
But even among all those races, one upset stood out as a fine example of poetic justice.
- “Entrenched incumbent” Democratic Rep. Dick Patten lost his primary to 27-year-old Safiya Wazir, a former refugee whose family had fled the Taliban in Afghanistan when she was 7.
- And not only did Patten lose, he lost big—by a 2-to-1 margin.
- If Wazir, who arrived in New Hampshire in 2007 and became an American citizen in 2013, wins the general election in November, she’ll make Granite State history as the first former refugee to hold public office.
- Patten, who’s served four terms in the House, very classily questioned Wazir’s ability to be both a legislator and a mother:
“How are you going to be in the State House with two kids and one on the way?”
“A lot has been promised to minorities … A lot of out-of-Concord people are getting everything … She’s promised everything.”
- Patten’s case of racist sour grapes is so severe that he’s endorsed the Republican candidate in the general election—a move that may have some impact in this district, which went for Clinton just 52-43 after supporting Obama 63-36 in 2012.
The Big Trumpowski: Wednesday brought primaries in Rhode Island, where another progressive defeated a super-sucky Democrat.
- Incumbent Rep. Moira Walsh earned the ire of Democratic leadership in her legislature by being an outspoken critic of House Speaker Nicholas Mattiello.
- So, in the spirit of petty vengeance, Mattiello backed her primary challenger.
- Michael Earnheart just happens to have joined the Democratic party less than a year ago and supports Donald Trump.
- The state Democratic Party even briefly endorsed Earnhart over incumbent Walsh—a move that was hastily rescinded when Earnheart’s GOP background and affection for Trump came out.
- Walsh, who won the primary 55-45, is unopposed in November.
O Teacher, Where Art Thou? Educators in multiple states made headlines earlier this year when they staged walkouts and strikes in protest of low pay and insufficient school funding.
- Now 554 educators are looking to make their voices heard in a different way: by running for their state legislatures.
- The protests, which began in February in West Virginia and spread to Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Arizona, are widely credited with this “unprecedented” number of current and former teachers, administrators, and school support staff running for office this year.
- Of that 554, 512 are running as Democrats.
- But of the 42 Republicans, one has already made a landmark achievement: A high school math teacher ousted the Kentucky GOP House floor leader in a massive May primary upset.
The Seersucker Proxy: Speaking of Kentucky, all may not be well with Bluegrass State Republicans.
Fun fact! At least 29 educators are running as Democrats for the Kentucky legislature.
- While AFP hasn’t disclosed how much money they plan to spend to prop up these lawmakers, the group says its endorsees will benefit from canvassing, phone banking, and direct mail.
Meanwhile, Republican Gov. Matt Bevin is siding against one of his party’s own candidates in the general election.
- Public education supporter and school board member Ed Massey faced no opposition in the Republican primary for this solidly red district.
- Later, Stacie Earl entered the race as an independent to the right of Massey.
- She touts herself as the “true conservative” in the race.
- Now the GOP governor is slated to be the “special guest” at a fundraiser for Earl.
#Demsindisarra … wait no what’s the opposite of that
Hail, Assad! Virginia Republican Sen. Dick Black (R-Plastic Fetus) is a huge fan of Syrian President Bashir al-Assad.
Like, huuuuuuuuuuuge.
Like, hang-out-in-Assad’s-office-for-three-hours huge.
NBD just smearing a major U.S. ally
- But this wasn’t even Black’s first rap session with Assad.
- Back in 2016, Black traveled to Syria for a two-hour meeting with the Syrian president.
- This was after he wrote a love-letter praising Assad in 2014.
- Assad posted it on his Facebook page. No word on whether he added heart-eyes emojis.
- Earlier this year, as lawmakers met in Richmond in a special session to wrangle over Medicaid expansion, Black gave a 20-minute speech on the Senate floor that was a bit … off topic.
- Black wanted to let his fellow senators know that he was totally sure that a recent chemical weapon attack in Syria might not have even happened at all, but if it did, it was totally an attempt to frame Assad.
- It’s not clear how Black’s affection for the Syrian president will play next year in a district Clinton won 51-43, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess it’ll do him no favors.
Well, even after my dry wit, you’re probably still soggy. I hereby give you permission to take tomorrow off to dry out. Just print this out and show it to your boss, she’ll probably offer you a towel.
Just be sure to burn after reading.