Oh, my stars! Look what they found in the home of the African-American man a Dallas cop shot in the man’s own home for no reason!
MARIJUANA!
Whew! That was a close one. He possessed an almost completely benign substance that’s now perfectly legal in numerous states, so he obviously deserved to die! But as a white dude myself, I’d feel a lot better if he were also wearing a hoodie and reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Maybe playing a rap record. Any kind of rap would do. DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince? Sir Mix-a-Lot maybe?
Relieve my guilt, local Texas Fox station!
And definitely notify me if he was wearing his shorts lower on his waist than I’d consider proper. I need to know these things. You know, for reasons.
Thanks.
***
Yo! Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump by Aldous J. Pennyfarthing is now available at Amazon! Buy there (or at one of the other fine online retailers carrying it), or be square.