It was bound to happen some day. Eventually the media was going to run out of disappointed Trump voters to interview and reluctantly have to plumb the depths of the barrel, dredging out Ann Coulter to have her talk about her latest extended, unhinged rant masquerading as a book.
This time it’s the Daily Beast who have been chosen to sacrifice a reporter to the Coultergeist, and, presumably based on the blood-soaked notes later recovered, managed to piece together this article.
I am reliably informed that much of the notes were in eldritch scribbles in a heretofore lost language transcending human understanding of the universe, which had the effect of driving at least one intern to barking, slobbering madness and very nearly did for their copy editor as well. The portal to the dank dimension inhabited by the ancient ones has now been closed, thanks to a resourceful staffer reading choice excerpts from the *President’s Twitter feed into it, there being apparently such things that even the dark gods cannot stomach. The remainder still makes very little sense, but here we go.
Ann is plugging a new book, which largely bemoans the fact that her previous book was so far off base it was actually in another field, presumably one in close proximity to an insane asylum. The title is, and in this I swear I’m not joking, Resistance is Futile! How the Trump Hating Left Lost It’s Collective Mind.
Right off the bat, of which miss Coulter has evidently a few too many in her belfry, I can see how Ann has positioned herself as a nice, reasonable person by co-opting a catch-phrase from The Borg. Slick. Nothing says I am a perfectly reasonable human person of averageness like parroting a soulless collective of assimilation monsters.
(Yes, I know I’m wildly mixing my sci-fi/fantasy metaphors. You should see me make cocktails.)
The Amazon blurb for her new screed makes it sound particularly charming, just in case the title did not whet your appetite:
Liberals used to pride themselves on their ultra-hipness, but Trump has turned them into weeping little girls in pink party dresses.
Nice use of some throwaway sexism to accompany the “ex culo” claim there.
Members of the self-proclaimed "Resistance" -- journalists, politicians, professors, judges, comedians, movie stars, Twitter pundits, even Oprah and Lindsey Vonn! -- are literally shaking because Trump is literally Hitler!
Insert your own Mandy Patinkin meme here.
Anyways, back to the article. Well, I say article, it’s more of a series of vignettes that display just how horrible a human being Ann is, peppered with juicy (in the same way a bloated corpse is) quotes from the book such as:
“Trump may be shallow, narcissistic, disloyal, and the crudest kind of braggart, but he’s like chemotherapy for the country: it’s unpleasant to go through, you vomit, your hair falls out—but it kills cancer cells, and you live… [and] everyone on The New York Times’ editorial board will die.”
Charming. The caption on the front of her book proclaiming it to be a “New York Times Bestseller” is presumably meant ironically. The piece goes on to detail what appears to be an extended Jared Kushner murder fantasy, whom she believes wrote the Times op-ed piece and is ruining the Trump *presidency. As if the turd emperor needed any help with that.
Then it flits to describing her get-up:
...wearing a bright summer dress and a big floppy hat (either protection against the sun or being recognized and confronted by Manhattan unfriendlies).
Diarist’s Note: It’s the former, she would likely burst into flames in direct sunlight.
From there to saying things like:
“I lived through Nixon, I didn’t live through McCarthy but I’ve read about it,”...“But there’s been nothing like this”
Diarist’s Note: She was f***ing 12 at the time of Nixon’s resignation. I can’t really fault the reporter for not pointing this out, since he was probably busy being partially digested at the time of publication, but good lord has the editor not heard of Google?
Or even:
Happy families being chased, beaten up—by people ginned up by the media.
No, I have no clue which particular right wing conspiracy hash she’s referring to
I think they [the media] are being a bunch of pussies, and maybe they’ll think about that when they put people like me and Sarah Huckabee Sanders and random Trump supporters in danger.”
Coming from the lady who just suggested Jared Kushner and the editorial board of the New York Times should be murdered. If pressed, she would probably claim this was “comedy”. Har, har. Murder is just so gosh-darn high-larious, I tell ya’.
… Coulter cited an incident last month at a punk-rock concert in Sacramento, California, during which Social Distortion lead singer Mike Ness dived off the stage to punch out a Trump supporter who had flipped the bird at him.
Violence at the treasured American institution that is the punk-rock concert? The swine! Are our children not safe in the mosh pit anymore?
Anyway, the article goes on for way longer than strictly necessary, cataloguing an array of sociopathic behaviors, outright lies, non sequiturs, racism, sexism and general lunacy which I won’t bother to reproduce here. You get the gist. The whole thing is disjointed in the worst possible way, seeming to be cobbled together from several interviews with several different personalities, all of them profoundly dysfunctional and trying desperately to out-psychopath each other. Oh yeah, one last thing:
“I think there are probably a lot of no-show jobs that pay that well, and even higher,” she says. “Look, I’m fine with set-asides, affirmative action, tell us what words—well don’t get wild, but you can tell us a certain number of sets of words we can’t use. Yes. African Americans we owe something to. But all the good social justice warrior jobs are being taken by immigrants. What’s that about? We didn’t do anything to them. But I think that’s more what we’re talking about with Omarosa.”
Omarosa is a social justice warrior? Immigrants are taking liberal jobs? How the hell does any of this make sense? I’m more coherent than this two thirds through a bottle of Jack, which I intend to hit right about now. Thanks Ann.
PS: If you think I’m being harsh on the ol’ Annster, get a load of this guy.
PPS: Yes, that was a cheap excuse to heap more invective on the richly deserving of it.