I was an odd duck in college (and probably still am). I loved biology but I was also passionate about the Middle Ages. I had the miscellaneous knowledge of someone who grew up in the equivalent of a small town library. So it happened that I learned about bundling, the New England custom from colonial times of a young man and woman spending the night together fully clothed, so they could talk and get to know each other with some privacy. Bundling boards help keep them separate in some cases.
Bundling intrigued me, and several times young men who were college classmates agreed to try it with me. We found enough room in the college single beds, we were clothed, we talked, we shared a few hugs and kisses…and then we slept. Sleeping slept, with eyes closed and REM dreams.
Why does it matter, these four and more decades later? Because none of these young men knew that I had Very Bad Stuff in my past, experiences that could have permanently barred me from physical closeness or trusting men. These genial young Bruins were kind, playful, considerate, and respectful of boundaries. Together we resurrected a wonderful old custom, and they gave me the gift of the first steps on a path of healing.
Men don’t have to rape. Men don’t have to see women as objects to be used, abused, and discarded. The lie that all men do it is an insult to men who are humane and civil, and a further burden on women who are navigating in dangerous waters. Though it is sadly true at present that even humane men benefit, whether they want to or not, from male supremacy, there are nonetheless some men who are humane and allies in the fight for equality, in little ways and big ones.
Wherever you are, guys, thank you. I hope there is a genial humorous woman in your life today.