From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The U.S. Voters’ Pictorial Guide to Making America Great Again
(By which we mean great again after our near-death spiral began in January, 2017.)
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This is Part 1. Of many.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 15, 2018
Note: For those of you cooking Thanksgiving turkeys weighing over 250 pounds, today's the day to pop 'em in the oven. And also the day to realize you're going to need a bigger oven.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 7
Days 'til the Mac and Cheese Fest in Scottsdale: 2
Spike in hate crimes last year, according to the FBI: 17%
Rise in anti-Semitic hate crimes: 37%
Number of educators, out of 1,800 who ran in the 2018 elections, who won legislative races according to the NEA: 1,080
Trump/Ryan federal budget deficit for October, an increase of 60% from last year: 100.5 billion
Age of the hole-puncher as of yesterday: 132
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
It's time to give thanks, and I want to start off with a great, big thank you for the top American movement conservatives and all the fun we've had since Election Day. I know I promised not to gloat after this election was over, but I'm not talking unseemly gloating -- I'm talking about moments so brilliantly hilarious the only option is to put your head down on the desk and howl.
First in line is the wit of The National Review's Kate O'Beirne, who clearly teamed up with Borat to explain the great conservative win. Her explanation is that this is a win for conservatism because a great many of the D's elected are so conservative themselves. She says half of them are conservatives.
She is indeed right. If only twice as many Democrats had been elected, it would have proved that there are twice as many conservatives in the country, and this is clear to any thinking person. We might challenge Ms. O'Beirne to explain how the next Republican win is a victory for liberalism.
---November 2006
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Puppy Pic of the Day: “Garcon! Another Dauiquiri...”
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CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. The news from our insignificant speck of dust on the universe's butt can wait a moment. Let's fwoof 500 million miles over to Jupiter and gawk at its absurdly gorgeous North Temperate belt captured just days ago by the Juno spacecraft. And in case you're not utterly gobsmacked by this image, may I remind you that Juno 1) Took the photo with a Polaroid OneStep 2) extracted the print and waved it around for two minutes until the image appeared 3) addressed a 5x7 envelope to NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory 4) affixed 3,500 Star Trek-themed Forever stamps on it, and 5) trudged six miles through waist-deep snow to the nearest mailbox. All just to send an unambiguous message that the universe is thrilled we gave the Republicans a great big swirlie last week:
You can see it in super close-up here at NASA's site. Eat yer heart out, Van Gogh.
CHEERS and JEERS to drama up in blueberry and potato country. As a card-carrying Mainer, I'm here to fulfill my duty to keep you up to date on just what the hell is going on in our 2nd congressional district election, where ranked-choice voting is being used to determine whether the Republican (Bruce Poliquin) or the Democrat (Iraq war veteran Jared Golden) will get the seat, since neither achieved a 50% majority on November 6th. The ballots of the 22,000 who voted for the two left-leaning independents are being scanned for their second-choice preference, which will likely mean victory for Golden, who now trails by a mere 2,000 votes. But Poliquin, self-serving weasel that he is, went to court to stop the process entirely and immediately. Here's how that worked out:
A federal judge said he will not decide until Thursday whether to intervene in the legal dispute over Maine’s 2nd Congressional District race, setting the stage for a potential ranked-choice vote count on Wednesday. … After the two-hour hearing, Walker said he would move quickly on the restraining order but his decision was not going to be issued before Thursday. That may give Secretary of State Matt Dunlap’s office time to determine the ranked-choice winner before any potential court order to stop the process.
“We are going to keep going,” Dunlap said Wednesday afternoon. “We have no reason not to.” State workers in Augusta continued processing ballots Wednesday and were expected to work their way through ballots from the final county---Washington County---in the afternoon.
Cross your fingers and your toes that Judge Walker---a Trump appointee, I hate to tell ya---chooses correctly and respects both the two voter referendums that approved adopting the ranked-choice process, and the U.S. Constitution's deference to states when it comes to deciding how to elect its congress critters. Then prepare to celebrate yet another red-to-blue flip. My tutu and tap shoes are laid out on the bed. Right next to the box of sparklers. (Okay, okay---ten boxes.)
CHEERS to Lord Dampnut's rapid descent into oblivion. Couple days ago I noted on the evil Twitter platform that the frying-pan-to-his-face result of the midterm elections was like the starting pistol for the race to see how fast the current electoral college winner can completely destroy himself. His poll numbers are already down. (38% in the weekly Gallup poll.) House Democrats plan to fire a shrapnel-filled "subpoena bomb" at his administration. And, my god, the courts are probably going to eat him alive. Give your prayer beads a little extra squeeze this morning in the hopes that these guys are successful---it'll lay his bloated carcass out flat:
Lawyers suing President Donald Trump over his decision to end special protections shielding certain immigrants from deportation are seeking unaired footage from his reality TV show “The Apprentice” to try to bolster their case alleging the move was racially motivated, the attorneys said Wednesday. […]
The case filed in Boston’s federal court centers on the Trump administration’s decision to end temporary protected status for thousands of immigrants from Haiti, El Salvador and Honduras. … Lawyers for Civil Rights says in the lawsuit that Trump’s move to rescind the program was rooted in animus against immigrants of color, citing comments he made on the campaign trail and in office.
“Access to these videotapes will help further demonstrate that Defendant Trump holds racially biased views that impact his policy and decision making,” attorney Oren Nimni said. The subpoenas also seek any relevant outtakes, audio clips and transcripts made during production of the show.
We have two words of advice if the suit is successful and you have small children: junior earplugs.
P.S. Fox News is fully supporting CNN's lawsuit against Trump for yanking ace reporter Jim Acosta's press credentials. That sound you hear is the president throwing chairs across the room. (Note: little plastic Barbie's Dream House chairs supplied by John Kelly, so he can actually get them airborne.)
CHEERS to today’s edition of I’m Not Crying, I’m Just, Um, Chopping Onions...
Soon to be representing New York’s 19th District, a red-to-blue flip:
Abby Finkenauer flipped Iowa’s 1st District from red to blue:
This has been today’s edition of I’m Not Crying, I’m Just, Um, Chopping Onions.
JEERS to reeking of anti-cultural toxicity. You can safely file this under "Least Surprising News of the Week." Both Donald Trump and his vicious wife will be blowing off the Kennedy Center Awards again this year. "Well, phooey, that ruins everything," said nobody.
CHEERS to Mary Had A Little Lamb. Back in the day, you could play that tune with the buttons on your touch-tone phone,which was invented on this date in 1963. It was almost as awesome as being able to spell out BOOBIES with your calculator by punching in 5318008 and turning it upside down. Man, we were wild back then. You kids have no idea.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 15, 2008
JEERS to today's financial update. On the money front, massive corporations deemed "too big to fail" continued sucking down taxpayers' money like John McCain with a bottle of Maalox at 11pm on November 4th. Meanwhile Treasury Siphoner Henry "Hoover" Paulson changed his strategy yesterday by announcing that he was plowing what's left of the $700 billion bailout money into Thomas Kinkade collectible thimbles. So far the effect has been like throwing a pebble in the ocean, but the point isn’t to dig us out but to inspire CONFIDENCE! If this bailout plan doesn’t work, it will be your fault, dear citizen, for not waving your pompoms hard enough. Our next report in 30 minutes, during which we'll say exactly the same thing. Have a nice day!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Minty freshness. "The new America the Beautiful State Quarter is here! The new America the Beautiful State Quarter is here!!!" The latest in the series, which commemorates our national parks, was released yesterday, and represents the great state of Rhode Island---specifically, Block Island National Wildlife Refuge, which was established in 1973 and sits a dozen miles off the coast. Michael and I took the ferry out a dozen years back, and it's a beautiful place, especially if you visit just either side of the summer tourist season and rent a bike. Here's engraver Phebe Hemphill with a few words about her latest masterpiece, based on a design by Chris Costello:
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The coin design depicts a black-crowned night-heron flying over a view from the beach at Cow Cove looking towards Sandy Point, with the North Light lighthouse in the background. (Although the real gem of a beacon, Southeast Block Lighthouse, is on the other side of the island and not to be missed.) And if you squint real hard, you can just barely make out Sheldon Whitehouse, fresh off his reelection landslide, skipping over the dunes toward the blue waves in his swimsuit yelling "Yippee!!!" Nice touch, Phebe.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“One of my clients traveled to Cheers and Jeers to visit her ancestors’ kiddie pool. She met current-day occupants who then proceeded to spend hours with her and her daughter, sharing what they knew about the pool’s previous owners. She enjoyed her experience so much, she returned to visit other parts of Daily Kos where other family lines blogged.”
---Caroline Bologna
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