For those who don’t have time to read my story, situation etc., you can go ahead and donate here:
www.paypal.com/…
I am perfectly capable of giving you something in return. I am a damn good computer helper. Patient and knowledgable. If you want to send me your email address in a private message, I can help anyone who needs it.
If you want to know what’s happening, read on…………
I used to think I knew what being humbled felt like. Until I talked with my Mom, who had suffered Parkinson’s for about two decades. She was always a proud, strong woman who took care of her husband, four kids, and a job at the school. When she started to get sick, it made her angry. And determined. Then, when she could no longer walk, she had to suffer the “indignity" of driving around in a motorized cart. Then when she couldn’t even do that, and spent all her days in an adjustable chair, my Dad having to do literally everything for her, it was very difficult for her. Humiliating. Relying totally on another human being. It was then that she told me about a dream she had.
She said in the dream she was lying on the floor, feeling as if she had fallen as low as she could fall. Then suddenly the floor gave way and she fell even further. In the dream she just kept falling. And falling. And falling. But still, it didn’t awake her from the dream. Until the falling began to feel like how her life would always be.
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Truth is, that’s how her waking life actually was.
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But in the dream, she just………got used to it. Falling.
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Einstein said that if a person were in constantly free-fall, then they would no longer feel the effects of gravity. I always thought that the effects of falling would be feeling the effects of gravity. But perhaps he was right. It would be as if gravity didn’t exist. Imagine………………falling……..weightless…………..forever.
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Anyway, after she awoke from that dream her life had changed. Her definition of faith. Everything. Instead of embarrassed and shamed, she was calm and thankful. Not long after that she stopped eating. Not long after that she was gone. Her suffering was over.
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Perhaps the only difference between feeling humiliated and feeling humbled is……..letting go?
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I don’t know.
So, I decided to tell that story rather than bore you with all of the trials and tribulations of mine. Suffice it to say, my wife’s uterine cancer is in remission after her radical hysterectomy. She continues in her wheelchair, and hasn’t had a serious back injury recur for about five years. My autistic daughter is 21 now, still daily challenging, but generally happy as a clam. My other daughter, 12, is flowering like I never even dreamed she would. We watched her in a school play last night.
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As for me, I’m healthy, happy and poor.
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All we need now is to be able to pay the rent (which we’re two months behind in) and buy food (which we now have no money for). I already got our allotment for the month at the food bank. My Dad is 86 and on fixed income, so I won’t bother him. My sister is in worse shape than we are. And I already owe my brother too much. I have my own business, but it’s been slow for about two months now.
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So, like my Mom’s dream, my falling has begun. And it doesn’t feel good yet. It just feels like falling. It’s scary. And I know there are literally hundreds of millions of people all over the world who live like this, most days. I don’t know how they do it.
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And it just makes me always wonder why.
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So, I’m asking for my family and for myself, for a little help. I’ve been writing and involved at DailyKos since 2004. I’ve written hundreds of diaries and tens of thousands of comments. I haven’t always been nice to everyone here, and I apologize for that. I, like you, just want the world to be a better place, and sometimes I yell about it. Grrr…..
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If you have some spare dineros lying about (and I do mean spare), I, and my family, would truly appreciate your sending them our way. I am perfectly capable of giving you something in return. I am a damn good computer helper. Patient and knowledgable. If you want to send me your email address in a private message, I can help anyone who needs it.
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Here is that paypal link again:
www.paypal.com/…
Peace out.