Good morning, Newdists. This diary is the next (and probably last...for now) part of my short series on “shitty food porn.” While “researching” (in other words, digging shit up for) the last diary—which specifically highlighted “fancy” shitty food porn that was elegantly plated—I stumbled upon a cache of fancy junk food that took the genre to a new level and demanded its own diary. This diary will feature the culinary creations of “Chef Jacques La Merde,” an Instagram account created by Christine Flynn, a chef from Toronto. The Instagram account apparently became a sensation in 2016 (I missed it) and attracted quite a following. She explains the concept behind the Instagram account in a Bon Appétit article:
I love food. It’s been at the center of my life since I started my first job scooping ice cream in rural Ontario at age 15. I also love art. Finally—more than anything—I love irony. So it was a no-brainer to combine all three in an Instagram account where a bumbling, slightly hysterical chef makes “fine-dining” food with low-brow ingredients and lovingly points out some of the more ridiculous norms of current dining trends. When people ask me why I started the account I’m at a loss.
I thought it would be funny. That’s all.
No deeper meaning, no hidden agendas other than making people laugh and carving out a small spot on the internet where I could just be a giant goofball.
Junk food or not, the plating really is quite impressive at first glance. But when you read the ingredients in the caption, that’s when you start feeling the urge to vomit. You can check out the full Instagram feed here, but I’ll highlight some of my favorites in this diary:
Heirloom arugula from the Piggly Wiggly, Spam torchon with fuzzy peaches, white cheese balls and nuts with local greens
Raspberry Pop-Tart parfait with vanilla snackpack and grape Crush scented gel, enhanced with Mike n Ike’s, Cry Babies, and fruity Mentos
Hostess cupcake with rainbow Dunk-a-Roos, yogurt raisins, some Nibz and Starbucks mocha frap caviar
Chef Boyardee beef ravioli, shards of Triscuit cracker, and a Miracle Whip crema
Duo of Pogos with marble cheese slices, honey ham rosettes, Spongebob Squarepantz zoodles and mustard tears
French fry puree, warm breaded fish slab, tartar sauce spheres, and coleslaw
Kraft Handi-Snak with accoutrements of kale chips, ranch Corn Nuts, Yyves veggie-bologna, and Strubbs sandwich saver pickle, reinforced with thousand island dressing
Velveeta brick cut into the shape of a circle, Velveeta foam, dehydrated Velveeta slice tuile, Velveeta crema, Velveeta fondue, crushed up cheese sandwich cracker soil, and edible flowers
Macaroni studded bologna, hand-torn Wonder Bread , yellow mustard caviar, pickled baby onions, Hunts ketchup coulis, Miracle Whip expressions, tiny pickle cross-sections, Doritos Dinamita nacho picoso, and Cheez Whiz rimmer
*Dynamite Hot* Stagg chili in an Old El Paso tortilla bowl, Velveeta slice bits, romaine plants, tiny onions, chihuahua bits, and sea beans, plated on a large cross section of wood for heightened aesthetic impact
I Can’t Believe It’s Not (Brown) Butter-sous vide octo, crinkle cut Top Dogs, tiny onions, Miracle Whip dots, gingerbread soil, Hickory Styx, plants, and a large spoonful of potatoes made with potato buds, half and half, and Campbell’s creamy butternut soup
Half of a KFC Scorcher Doubledown, inverted 4 oz ramekin of green coleslaw, biligual plum sauce deux fois, rose petals, and foie gras
Pepperoni stick “en croute” with Pillsbury weiner wrap, Ruffles buffalo ranch dip, Snyders hot buffalo wing pretzel pieces, Kraft creamy cucumber spheres, canned button mushrooms, Kraft Singles tuile, tiny marble cheese cubes, pickled hot pepper rings, and Betty Crocker powdered homestyle mashed potato snow
Hostess snowball, Dole canned pineapple ring, Sour Key fluid gel, orange Cake Mate, Marshmallow Fluff, Red Bull foam, and Pops two ways (corn and rocks)
Domino’s chicken wing, buffalo Bugles, raddichio, savory Kraft blue cheese anglaise, Green Goddess enhancement, yellow beet chunks, pink peppercorns, and marjoram
What do you want to chat about this morning?
All are welcome to join the fun, the silliness, the conversations. If you don’t know...just ask! Some things really do require a bit of explanation.
There will be a few surprises along the way, all good ones, we hope.
We are here to keep building the Daily Kos Community.
We post Mon-Sun at 10:30 a.m. Eastern. On Sunday we go to the C!U!A! posting to show support for all the work being done to promote Democratic candidates/causes. Please to join us there, as well.
Pie fights will be met with outrageous ridicule and insults. Trolls will be incinerated and served at the next group BBQ. As briquettes.