“Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nan, nah, nah, nah! Hey, hey! Good-Bye!”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah! Nan, nah, nah, nah! Hey, hey! Good-Biden!”
There is a ritual among Republicans that any behavior by a prominent Republican related to sex—no matter how reprehensible, offensive, or obnoxious—is always either outright denied or resolutely defended by other Republicans.
There is a ritual among Democrats that any behavior by a prominent Democrat related to sex, no matter how innocent, consenting, or benign; is always immediately confessed to and then summarily condemned by other Democrats.
Such an obviously opposing political orientation toward sexual scandals by Republicans and Democrats have different consequences. The Republicans hold on to power despite any scandal. The Democrats self-righteously kill off their best candidates at the whiff of a sexual scandal or any innuendo. This leaves Democrats holding the high-ground of moral superiority, and leaves the Republicans in office effing-over the entire country.
The “grab-them-by-the-pussy” misogynist Republican candidate becomes President. The “I-was-too-drunk-to-remember-trying-to-rape-a-coed” Republican nominee to the Supreme Court is approved by the Republican Senate. If I remember correctly, Republicans were told that it was better to have a Republican child molester (Roy Moore) in the Senate, than a Democrat.
Meanwhile…Al Franken is vilified until he resigns his Senate seat, and now Joe Biden is crucified with a vengeance, not just by hypocritical Republicans, but by sanctimonious Democrats.
Just for the record, Biden isn’t my first choice for President. I am concerned with his record of not stopping Clarence Thomas from getting on the Supreme Court. (Read Strange Justice by Jane Myers.) I am concerned that during the Clinton administration he perpetuated the War on Drugs. (Read The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander.) I am concerned when friends tell me he has financial ties to Big Pharma. These are all valid reasons for concern, based on the policies of the candidate.
But that is not the way most voters, regardless of party affiliation, either think or vote. No. Instead it is much more fun to focus on the personality of the candidate, as though polices were irrelevant. And any scandal even remotely related to sex is bound to get everyone’s immediate attention above all else.
Just for the record, personality does matter. It’s just that everything else which is vitally important is overshadowed by exclusive focus on personality—especially as it relates to sexual behavior. If one examines Trump’s lifetime history of women we see someone who treats women extremely badly. He marries only trophy wives who he believes makes him look good. He cheats on them with impunity and obviously cares nothing about the women he has affairs with—unless he has to pay them off or threaten them to keep silent. He brags about molesting women and then flatly denies dozens of women’s testimony that he has molested them. Talk about creepy—over and over he has publicly demonstrated his sexual attraction to his own daughter!
I would sum up Trump’s attitude about women very simply: He treats them like objects to gratify his own selfish ends. Come to think of it, this is way he also treats men. Trump is a dangerous narcissistic sociopath—Trump doesn’t give a damn about anyone but Trump.
If one examines Joe Biden’s history of relationships, one soon sees a pattern of someone who deeply cares about other people. He is overtly affectionate with women. And men. And people in general. He is sincere when he says he means no harm. He actually cares.
Yes, it is time for Joe Biden to change with the times. Culture is not static. Our cultural norms and values slowly change and evolve over time and place. In some cultures physical touching is far more permissible than in others. Over time, behavior that was once considered normal or acceptable becomes unacceptable. Without such cultural changes, progress would be impossible. Moreover, each and every one of us has a responsibility to push our culture in the right direction. If we grew up in a culture where racism, intolerance, bigotry, or misogyny was acceptable, we are obligated to overcome such cultural attitudes and recognize the damage they did.
Just for the record, I consider that overall the “me-too” movement is a good thing. For far too long, women were used and abused, but felt they couldn’t speak out for fear of repercussions. This is simply wrong. But each of us has an obligation, no matter how uncomfortable, to speak out and assertively inform others when they cross a line that makes us feel uncomfortable.
As someone who is Jewish, I used to conceal my Jewish identity. If someone said anything anti-Semitic, I would inwardly cringe and feel offended, but would keep silent and not say anything.
Not anymore. I discovered that many people who said inappropriate things which I deemed anti-Semitic, meant no harm at all. So I politely confronted them and told them I found their words offensive. Like most people, including Biden, the reaction was often one of surprise. “How can you be offended if I meant no harm?” I would then do my best to explain that since they do intend no harm, they should henceforth avoid such language as, “He tried to Jew me down,” as it is offensive, and I know because I felt offended.
I had to do the former years ago with a colleague. Just a couple of weeks ago I confronted a restaurant owner who said, “The Jews control the world.” I informed him I was Jewish and he was wrong. His friend who I was with later defended him saying he is a good guy who just doesn’t know better. I responded, “Well, now he should know better.”
Likewise, women have a responsibility to call down sexist and inappropriate behavior from men. If a man says or does anything to you that makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him. Do not simply assume he should know or can read you mind. He might honestly believe he did nothing wrong unless you tell him.
Now it should be obvious I am not talking about sexual molestation or deliberate abuse. I am talking about Biden-like behavior that the perpetrator believes is being friendly but makes the recipient feel uncomfortable.
About two weeks ago I was talking with a friend who complained that the men at the bakery where she worked felt it was okay to touch her and put their arms around her. She told me it made her feel uncomfortable, but she was afraid to confront them since they were her customers. She asked me if she should complain to her manager. I told her I thought she should directly confront her customers and politely inform them she does not welcome their physical contact, even if they did so innocently.
This is nothing profoundly new; it is Assertiveness 101: tell the other person how their behavior makes you feel. If they respect your feelings, all is forgiven—providing the behavior stops. If they don’t respect your feelings, avoid them like the contagious plague they are.
Only with a political celebrity like Biden, instead of complaining directly to him, several women have complained to the media. Just as I felt my friend should confront these men before going to the manager, I think these women should have confronted Joe Biden, before going to the media. The goal should be to end inappropriate behavior, not just punish the perpetrator.
It is easy to proclaim that any culture different than your own is wrong. When I moved to a rural part of South Carolina to take a job as an Addictions Counselor, I was surprised when one day my colleagues suggested we go to a restaurant “out in the country” for some real Southern food. “I thought we were already out in the country,” I responded.
Boy was I wrong. There’s country, and then there’s country. It was like traveling backwards in time to another dimension, or to another country. This guy was talking to the waitress, like she were already his wife, girlfriend or mistress, “Hey, darlin’, will you bring me some iced tea?” I’d seen guys drunk in bars who weren’t so forward. Then to my surprise, the waitress responded flirtatiously as though she was immensely pleased with the overt attention. “Sure, sweetie, do you want it sweetened or unsweetened?” I was completely out of my element. What was considered the norm in this rural Southern culture appeared bizarrely inappropriate to me.
Twice, I decided not to write this diary. Verbalpaintball said much of want I wanted to say in his blockbuster diary, I’ve About Had it with the Crucifixion of Joe Biden.
I didn’t want to write about this because it is all much ado about nothing. I wanted to write about the Democratic candidates who advocated abolishing the Electoral College and adding two new seats to the Supreme Court; two ideas which can help preserve and strengthen our Democracy. Instead everyone is weighing in as to whether Biden is too old or too creepy to run, because he is a touchy-feely guy. Give me a break.
Meanwhile, Trump keeps nominating people like Herman Cain who had to drop out of the Presidential race due to a sexual scandal.
Just for the record, when South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was caught up in his own sexual scandal—he was off having an affair with a mistress in Argentina while he told everyone he was hiking the Appalachian Trail—I thought that too was much ado about nothing. I deplored Sanford’s policies, such as denying South Carolinians money for Medicaid because it made Obamacare sound like a good thing. That should have been a scandal in its own right, instead of a mutually consenting liaison with a South American mistress.
So even if you don’t agree with me, at least I am striving for consistency, regardless of party affiliation.
But what really creeps me out was discovering that none-other than the on-again, off-again, South Carolinian Senator Lindsey Graham—the man who claimed he was such close friends with John McCain, until he decided to cozy up to Trump—said something positive about his colleague Joe Biden. I was outraged at Graham for the way he defended Kavanaugh and vilified the Democrats. It would be easier to chastise Graham, if he, like Trump, would now blatantly be a partisan hypocrite and go after Biden, too. Instead Graham said something I actually agreed with and reluctantly have to admire him for saying:
“I think he [Biden] is one of the most decent men I have ever met. I don’t believe for a second he meant to do anything wrong. I understand how people took it differently than he meant and this may be a lesson for all of us. But from my point of view Joe has been the same kind—he’s Joe. And I have a lot of affection for him. I don’t agree with him politically…but I have a lot of affection for him and his family. And I think he has lived a good decent life and we can all learn from the things that we do, and I hope we can put it in that context. Nobody that I know of said he has done anything that was criminal or forceful…I just want to say Joe Biden is my friend. I know him very well. I think, whatever he did, it may not have been inappropriate, but it was not driven by malice or misconduct.”
Too bad, Graham can’t say such kind words about Trump—without lying through his teeth.