We are approaching a special anniversary in the history of Donald Trump. Some might call it a crucial moment in the modern saga of a man who has indelibly stained the fabric of American history. It was the beginnings of what would be a beautiful sunny and mild spring day in New York City. The date was April 24, 2013. Donald Trump had probably just finished looking into a gold-framed mirror in Trump Tower. The process the Donald went through in the mornings, before leaving his quarters and presenting himself to his wife and family, was an arduous one. Brushing the teeth and patting on his tanning cream was a pretty quick, albeit thorough ritual, not unlike shaving. But his hair. It was mostly his hair that kept Trump stuck inside—sometimes for minutes and sometimes for over an hour.
One can imagine Donald chuckling to himself in the mirror as he slowly blew out his hair. “Jew,” he possibly muttered to himself while smiling, thinking of his comedically genius Twitter attack on Jon Stewart—the one he sent out while lying in bed.
These Jewish guys think they have a monopoly on humor, when everybody knows Aryan German supermen are known for their stellar comedy chops, he probably thought to himself. No need to be bothered by that now; Donnie had his hair to attend to. It was long, it needed to be blown out just right, low heat, lifted and coiffed just right. He had put humidifiers and dehumidifiers in his bathroom in order to control the room’s ecosystem—in order to make sure his hair would respond the way he wanted it to every morning.
It probably sometimes needs a little folding and an extra brushing. But it most likely always needs just the right flip in order to fall just right. This was the hardest part of it all. Too many bad falls in a row could lead to Trump restarting the entire blow-out process. Bad falls that made Donald feel angry inside could lead to him beginning the entire morning all over again by crawling back into bed, taking a few deep breaths, and walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth and begin all over.
But perhaps on the morning of April 24, 2013, Donald Trump woke up, got ready, his hair dropped just right the first time, and off to breakfast he went—you needed to feed the battery. He was feeling rather magnanimous, and while opening up the New York Post to read about the Boston Marathon bombing suspect, Donald Trump decided to answer a burning question. A question that Donald had heard his whole life.
While “everybody” doesn’t know that, I believe him. I think that this may be the only true thing Donald Trump has ever told the public.