From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Thursday Morning Vonnegut Blogging
Indiana-born Kurt Vonnegut, who balanced his time between this universe and the alternate ones of his creation, died a dozen years ago this week, darn it. Wrote Dinitia Smith in her New York Times obituary:
Like Mark Twain, Mr. Vonnegut used humor to tackle the basic questions of human existence: Why are we in this world? Is there a presiding figure to make sense of all this, a god who in the end, despite making people suffer, wishes them well? […]
Not all Mr. Vonnegut’s themes were metaphysical. With a blend of vernacular writing, science fiction, jokes and philosophy, he also wrote about the banalities of consumer culture, for example, or the destruction of the environment.
A good time to remind ourselves why he was…well…Kurt Vonnegut:
“The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.”
“Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.”
“Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.”
“It’s perfectly ordinary to be a socialist. It’s perfectly normal to be in favor of fire departments.”
“I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
“I was once asked if I had any ideas for a really scary reality TV show. I have one reality show that would really make your hair stand on end: C-students from Yale.”
"There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia."
And perhaps the best from-the-great-beyond summation of the gaggle of morons currently in charge of the executive branch:
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
And here we are. So it goes.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, April 11, 2019
Note: Today is National Pet Day. Be sure to give all your furry and feathered family members a big hug. Or, if your pet is a porcupine, perhaps a friendly wave.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Easter: 10
Days 'til the National Cannabis Festival in D.C.: 9
Number of years of tax returns Bernie Sanders says he'll release by Monday: 10
Spike in U.S. oil prices since Christmas: 50%
New minimum wage for employees at Bank of America: $20
Length of the record-setting python found recently in the Florida Everglades: 17 feet
New one-day earnings record on Jeopardy, achieved by James Holzhauer on Tuesday: $110,914
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
As more and more rich people cheat on their taxes, the IRS is increasingly unable to go after them because it is so poorly funded.
For all this, we can thank the Republican Party.
Every year at this time, conservatives moan and groan and tell us how terribly, terribly overburdened we are by taxes. We wouldn't be overburdened if the tax code hadn't been rewritten by Republicans, and if Republicans hadn't weakened the IRS so much it can barely function. Damn right, this is a partisan effort. And damn right, I'm bitter about it. We don't need to raise taxes in this country, we need to collect them. We need tax cuts that don't favor the obscenely rich. You are getting screwed.
---April 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Mah bay-bee takes the mornin' train…
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CHEERS to the return of the Jedi. I believe it was the great diplomat Leia Organa who famously said to a somewhat unpopular Sith Lord: "The tighter you squeeze, the more we'll slip through your fingers." Something like that, anyway---it was a long, long time ago. Well, that's true here on Planet Blue Marble, too. And the guy losing his grip this time is one Darth Dampnut:
A climate change committee disbanded by the Trump administration has been quietly working under a new guise and has now released its first report in an effort to carry through on its mandate. […]
The 15-person Advisory Committee for the Sustained National Climate Assessment was formed under the Obama administration in 2016. Its goal was to take the findings of the U.S. government’s National Climate Assessment (NCA), which is released every four years, and use it to produce climate adaptation recommendations and guidance for cities, states, tribes, and other local governments.
But in 2017, President Donald Trump’s administration dissolved the committee. Members regrouped months later with support from from Columbia University’s Earth Institute and other partners.
Said the committee: "The atmosphere is toxic, dirty, unstable, and ready to explode. But enough about the West Wing, we're here to talk about the environment."
CHEERS to amazing discoveries. Oh my god, you guys, I've never had so much fun in my life. Ever since the science nerds unveiled the first photo showing the exact location of a black hole in space, I've been having a ball throwing stuff into it. Watch what it does to this garden rake…
[Swirl swirl swirl…Thoop!]
Squeee!!! Swallowed it whole! And this pot roast…
[Swirl swirl swirl…Thoop!]
And now let’s toss in this copy of Donald Trump's "The Art of the Deal" I retrieved last week from the gutter in front of our neighbor’s house…
[Swirl swirl swirl…Thoop! Blech! P'tooey!]
Okay, so we just learned something else about black holes: they have standards.
CHEERS to landmark legislation. One week after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., President Johnson signed a companion bill into law 51 years ago today called the Civil Rights Act of 1968, aka the Fair Housing Act. The following housing issues became no-no's:
1) Refusal to sell or rent a dwelling to any person because of his race, color, religion or national origin.
2) Discrimination against a person in the terms, conditions or privilege of the sale or rental of a dwelling.
3) Advertising the sale or rental of a dwelling indicating preference of discrimination based on race, color, religion or national origin.
The law was expanded in 1988 to include disability and family status, and again in 1993 to prohibit the throwing of lawn darts at the Re/Max blimp.
CHEERS to silence on the soap box. Last night before I headed to bed I watched all the TV news shows. Then I scoured the internet. Then I personally called every American citizen over the age of 35. And, by god, what I suspected was true was really true: on Wednesday, April 10, 2019, no one—not man nor woman nor beast nor vegetable nor mineral nor naked mole rat in a top hat tap-dancing with sparklers on our front lawn—declared their candidacy for president of the United States from the Democratic party. Think we can make it two days in a row? I'm not optimistic. That mole rat's been kissing an awful lot of babies this morning.
JEERS to conservatives in action, by which I really mean conservatives' inaction. There's a moment in a Seinfeld episode where Jerry's at a rental car desk being told there are no vehicles for him even though he'd reserved one. "You know how to take the reservation," he tells the snooty agent. "You just don’t know how to hold the reservation." Welcome to modern-day Great Britain, where the immigrant-hating Tories know how to vote to leave the European Union, they just don’t know how to leave the European Union. And so the March 29 deadline (nearly three years after the original Brexit vote) came and went, as will tomorrow's deadline, as will the next deadline. Because, as Metro Weekly sums it up so succinctly (and topically):
But hey, at least the Tories are owning the immigrant-loving libturds. And that's what it's all about, Chumley.
CHEERS to swing time. The Masters golf tournament starts today in Augusta, Georgia. (C&J splasher grog was down there yesterday for the pre-tourney festivities, lucky duck.) Defending champ Patrick Reed is going for his second green jacket, and Tiger Woods is back in the hunt after making a bit of a comeback in the wake of that time he tried to flee the scene of the adultery and ended up playing kissy-face with a fire hydrant. I know, I know...the Masters is elitism, sexism and corporatism writ large. But it's a purty course with lotsa flowers and such, and reminds me of the times in the ‘70s when we’d all watch it while visiting our grandparents—sensible, pre-Nazi-takeover Republicans---in Cleveland. So I’ll watch a few minutes of it and bask in the nostalgia, including the time I thought about becoming a pro, but then learned they didn't allow liquor on the course. And I had to walk. And practice. And there's rules. Screw that.
P.S. I hope we get something to rival this on the epic fail meter:
Oops.
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 11, 2009
CHEERS to pest control. Roger Ebert is a genial, even lovable guy. But he doesn’t suffer fools gladly. So when Bill O'Reilly put the Chicago Sun-Times in his "Hall of Shame" for the unpardonable offense of dropping his column, Ebert gently responded:
Bill, I am concerned that you have been losing touch with reality recently. Did you really say you are more powerful than any politician?
That reminds me of the famous story about Squeaky the Chicago Mouse. It seems that Squeaky was floating on his back along the Chicago River one day. Approaching the Michigan Avenue lift bridge, he called out: Raise the bridge! I have an erection!
I believe it was Sean Connery who said in The Untouchables: "He pulls a knife...you pull a gun. That's the Chicago way." O'Reilly should maybe watch more movies.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Minty freshness. The new America the Beautiful state quarter is here! The new America the Beautiful state quarter is here!!! The latest in the series,which celebrates our national historic sites, was released last week. This one represents the Northern Mariana Islands,specifically American Memorial Park:
American Memorial Park is located on the island of Saipan of the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands.
The park was established on August 18, 1978 and includes 133 acres honoring the American and Marianas people who gave their lives during the Marianas Campaign of World War II. At the memorial, the American flag is displayed and centered around Navy, Marine Corps, Army, and Coast Guard flags. The memorial includes 26 granite panels inscribed with the names of the 5,204 service members who died during the invasion of Saipan.
The reverse of each coin shows a young woman in traditional dress at the front of the Flag Circle and Court of Honor. Her hand rests on the plaque with text honoring the sacrifice of those who died
And this is interesting: the Mint is adding a scavenger-hunt twist to this year's batch of ATB quarters: two-million of each 2019 coin—out of around 400-million total—will be produced at the West Point minting facility, and bear a rare (and coveted) "W" on the front. So keep an eye on your pocket change. Instead of being worth a single gumball, your quarter may be worth an entire bubble gum empire. Please: rule your domain wisely. Try not to start any wars.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"The Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is FULL!"
---President Trump
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