Humpday — because we’re smack dab in the middle of the work week and getting over that hump sure looks sweet. But for some folks in this community, the humps they need to get over are far more daunting than looking forward to the weekend. That is where Helping comes in. Helping Humpday is specifically about generating community support for struggling Kossacks who find themselves facing an imminent financial need like keeping the lights on, avoiding eviction, getting to work, paying medical bills. Our goal is to publicize the Community Needs List as widely across the site as possible. Our motto is simple: many hands make light work.
Musings: Listen To Your Inner Cavewoman
I’m beginning my annual online course about meditation and brain science. Here are some intriguing tidbits garnered from presentations: The Neuroscience of Resilience Through Compassion by Dr Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Exploring the Science of Safety and Connection by Deb Dana, LCSW, augmented by course materials by Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein. It fits in perfectly with my on-going investigations musings on the universal nature of generosity.
Sociologists, brain scientists, evolutionary anthropologists, and psychologists all agree — the human nervous system is not intrinsically wired to be selfish. In fact, we are hard-wired to be benevolent and caring. Even toddlers naturally express compassion — when they encounter someone in distress, toddlers try to make them feel better. To survive as a species, we developed to live collectively, cooperatively, and in mutual support. And apparently we can thank cavewomen for some of that heredity.
So, how did it all begin and how does it work? We are all familiar with “fight or flight” — that ancient defense mechanism that kept our ancestors safe. It was a state of hyper vigilance. “Fight or flight” worked well for hunters and warriors, but not necessarily for the women, children, and old folks left back home in the cave. They had to come up with other strategies. “Tend and befriend” emerged as the primary way that early women dealt with less-than-life-threatening stressors. Significantly, this befriending occurred during times of safety, so that the social network would be in place when danger presented itself, thus increasing their and their children’s chances of survival.
In evolutionary terms, this is the core human desire to nurture and protect the vulnerable, especially the young. In modern brain theory, this is called the social engagement system. This isn’t a conscious choice to be caring. It is hard-wired in the ventral vagus center of our parasympathetic nervous system. When engaged, it prepares the body to be poised for social engagement: our ears are tuned for welcoming gentle tones, our heads turn toward the approaching person, our body is relaxed and we are perceived as likable and trustworthy. Our caring center is engaged. We are inclined to be generous. We mutually give and receive joy and support. We become more flexible and adaptable, which makes us more resilient when problems arise and more compassionate in the face of the problems of others. Many women will likely recognize themselves and their support networks in these descriptions.
It turns out that men are also hard-wired for sociability and generosity. Unfortunately, during the millennium of patriarchal societies, this aspect of their nervous system was depressed in favor of “fight or flight” responses. Men were relegated to being warriors, protectors, and providers instead of co-nurturers. This made them more hierarchical, self-referential, and tending to remain in a vigilant state. That makes it harder to engage the ventral vagus nerve. But there is good news for the guys – it seems that modern men are also opting for “tend and befriend” instead of “fight or flight” when faced with the stressors of contemporary life. It only took a couple hundred million years for them to catch up.
Consider Donating Today. Will you embrace your inner Cavewoman? Can you help a Kossack in need? The folks on the Community Needs List are struggling, and some have been for months. They are working towards financial independence, but still need some help. Your small gift can help them find stability for another month in the face of a crisis. Even $3, or $5, or $10 helps. Thank you so much.
Also, tip, rec, comment here and in the individual diaries. That helps spread the word.
Current & Expanded Community Needs List
Community Needs List as of 4/19/19 with updates where I have them. Fundraisers who want a diary to be or stay on the list: PLEASE kosmail requests and donations received to njm5000 by Thursday evening to be included on the Friday morning updated list.