There are times when I feel more connectedness with the folks I run into regularly around town than I do with those I call friends in my life. The checkout people at the grocery store. The crossing guard at the neighborhood school. The woman at the Peet’s counter. The pharmacist. The people at the dog park.
And it turns out, according to a recent study, these ‘weak ties” are a significant factor in one’s happiness gradient and sense of belonging to a community.
“A lot of us think it’s not worth our time to have those kinds of interactions, that they can’t possibly provide any meaning,” Dr. Gillian Sandstrom said, in a NYT article Why You Need a Network of Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships. “We’re focused on whatever is next and we don’t stop and take that second to enjoy the moment.”
“Is it the case that people tend to reserve the most meaningful interactions of their day with their closest relational partners? Yes,” Dr. Jeffrey Hall said. “Is it also the case that if people act in meaningful ways that they can build a close relationship with somebody and feel good about that interaction? Yes.”
A psychology lecturer at the University of Essex, Sandstrom says maintaining a network of casual friendships is really important after a major move or the loss of a loved one.
In fact, researchers at Brigham Young University determined that having too few friends is as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes each day and is more of a risk than obesity.
In a Fast Company article How To Make New Friends As An Adult, Stephanie Vozza notes that our social circles begin to decrease as we move through early adulthood, after peaking in our 20s ( 2013 study published in the Psychological Bulletin.) We have to be willing to be vulnerable to make new friends, she says, and to find groups that are meaningful to us which meet on a regular basis.
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