Warning!! Below this line generalizations abound.
I’m only going to say this once, but we’re humans, we’d be lost without generalizations. There are times when it actually can be said that “most” of anything is true, because let’s face it we don’t have all the time in the world here, we have lives to lead. We can’t all be like that guy who runs the universe, picking up a pencil each day marveling, and experimenting, wondering what it does.
Mostly when we see a long thin cylindrical object with a pointy end we just assume it’s a writing tool. Sure, sometimes it’s a drill bit or a fire poker but most of the time, it’s a writing implement, can we all just agree on that? Or most of us at least?
So, I had read all the books about the differences between men and women, Men are From Mars, Brain Sex, etc. I read them, noted the difference between most men and women, nodded in agreement and still thought women were superior.
It wasn’t until I read You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen that I finally understood that men and women are just different. Not better or worse than each other, just different.
This book quoted studies where mic’s were put on men and women and then how many words they used per day were counted. For men, let’s say it’s an average of 10,000 words, for women it’s 30,000. (made up numbers, I don’t remember exactly) Upon arrival home from work, a man has used about all of his words for the day and a woman is just getting warmed up.
This explained to me why in my dog training classes I had no problem getting a man to simply say “sit” to his dog and then wait for the dog to sit. The women would say “Sit Spot. Wouldn’t you like to sit? Sit is a very fun thing to do. I think you’d enjoy a nice sit”.
The book talked about how women tend to say “uh huh”, “yes, and “go on” — types of phrases to indicate they are listening, they think it’s only polite. Men think that’s interrupting and find it annoying. Though, now that it’s been labeled “active listening”, that may have changed somewhat.
In film of men's conversations with each other, the book explained that men don’t sit directly facing each other or make eye contact as much while talking the way women do.
This point was beautifully illustrated by a woman telling her husband that she needed to talk about something serious with him and needed his full attention. He promptly turned off the TV, threw himself prone on the ground, put his arm over his eyes and said “Go”. She said “WTF?!?”
I don’t know why it took this book to convince me that men and women really are equal in all things, albeit different, but hey, at least I got there. How’s it going for you?
The wonderful lyrics:
I've got a nagging question 'bout a turn of phrase
That is often said under direct gaze
I know it's just plain English but I don't have a clue
What in the world do they mean when they say "I'll call you?"
Chorus:
Crack the secret code, learn the hand signs
Don't believe what you're told, try to read between the lines
Walk away and wonder will you ever hear the truth
What in the world do they mean, what in the world do they mean
What in the world do they mean
When they say "I'll call you?"
Show me an honest soul who can make a clean break
Who will say what they mean and mean what they say
Who's not into idle talking without following through
And make some sense of that worn-out line "I'll call you"
Does it mean "Have a nice day?"
Is it merely a good intention?
Have they run out of things to say?
Is it a civilized rejection?
Chorus
This is the explanation (I think) for what enables men and women to get along. Listen closely and you’ll hear John Hiatt’s unmistakable voice on background vocals. Ashley sang background vocals with him for years. I don’t think this song is about actual dancing out on the floor...