How Democrats Can Meet Trumpers Halfway
By Jim Riggins, The Accidental Conservative
As a staunch and lifelong democratic, I, Jim Riggins, suspected for many years that I was too set in my principles and beliefs. For example, I foolishly used these principles and beliefs to vote for President Obama, known terrorist, ISIS or otherwise, Kenyan with a funny name, radical leftist mob-leader who got his little, commie-self evicted from Disney Land of all places, worst, most corrupt president in history and so on and so forth. I am still embarrassed to admit that I voted for a man who wore a brown suit.
In hindsight, all the signs were there. President Osama Obama’s America-hating policies were there for everyone to see. That is except for me, your humble author. I live in shame at the realization that I was so easily duped into believing that all my home equity had returned roughly eight years after the great recession, a recession that history now shows Hillary started because she’s Hillary and Hillary is evil and not in the Teletubbies kind of evil but rather in the Biblical kind of evil. The kind of evil that is really, really evil.
Al Franken could never hope to be so evil. Same with Alec Baldwin and Nancy Pelosi. As someone who has brought up this last person’s name in the wrong venue, I suggest that you, my devoted reader, whisper this last person’s name in only the most-hushed tones because this last person is pretty evil, too.
Again, not like Hillary but she is really evil. At least a demon. Perhaps the mother that spawns all demons. Rumor has it that Nancy is the spawn of Satin. But, in fact, that California-loving, homo-hugging leftist traitor actually spawned Satan. Yes, my dearest reader. Nancy Pelosi gave birth to Satan. And remember that Hillary is way more evil than Nancy.
I have yet to determine where in the hierarchy of evil Bill and Obama reside. I assume Bill is near the top. Same with Obama so it is difficult to determine. However, should I obtain the list that ranks the most-evil people in the world, I will gladly pass it on to some evil person who will do something evil with it. And, as always, Trump supporters, just because you don’t see Hillary, it doesn’t mean she’s not nearby being evil and doing evil things that evil people do to harm your family and the American way of life.
I would probably look out for Obama, too, considering that Disney thing and some of the evil things I’ve heard about him from they. One of which is his complete and utter destruction of my investment portfolio. M**********r!
That slick talking, so-called community leader convinced me that my retirement accounts had risen back to levels far higher than they were at the beginning of his presidency. But in fact, my retirement accounts never actually rose during the Obama years, and if they did, it’s because of President Reagan’s tax cuts.
Those ‘Merican tax-cuts are the real reason for anything good that happened after 1980 in America, especially, if it happened under a democrat president. Those tax cuts had absolutely nothing to do with today’s debt and if you think they did, you are a communist, elitist snob who probably drives a Volvo.
With some introspection, reader, I now realize that it is all Bill’s, Hillary’s and Obama’s fault. Even though deficits always go down under democratic presidents and go up under republican presidents, I now realize that democrats are, in fact, responsible for all the debt in this country even though deficits always go down under commie, leftist, horse-faced dumbocrats and they go up under republicans. The party of personal responsibility told me as much. And when has the party of fiscal-responsibility, personal-responsibility and family values ever been wrong about anything?
I’m trying to remain civil, reader, but do not even get me started on dispelling the myth that Obama’s so-called destructive fiscal policies pulled the country out of the worst democrat-caused recession since the Great Democrat Depression. I now see very clearly that everything I ever heard about Obama’s dramatically-improved economy, the millions of new jobs he created, the record rise in the stock market the country enjoyed, the increase in home equity we all saw with our very-own eyes and the notion that debt goes down under democrats was entirely false.
Again, I was duped and for that, reader, and I am sorry.
The realization that democrats caused the Great Recession, exploded the debt, forced the W administration into the Iraq war and destroyed my family’s financial future for at least four generations did not sit well with me then and it does not sit well with me now, buster.
I said enough to phony conspiracy theories and simple math. This enlightenment further led me to reflect on my uncompromising positions and my unrealistically high expectations for a leader. This forced me to break free of my liberal, commie comfort zone and reach out to friends and family members for help. I set out on a journey for the truth.
Day after day, month after agonizing month, I sought advice and council from those I loved most. I sought high and low for the answers to why I was in a state of being unhinged and moblike. I spoke with democrats and republicans alike. As they are the base of the Trump party, I made a great effort to reach out to my good Trump Christian friends for their suggestions on how to be more honest and forgiving and how to show more openness and receptiveness to others’ views and beliefs and, finally, how to meet Trumpers halfway for the betterment of our nation and families.
I spanned the country in search of answers. I spoke with sages and religious hucksters, alike. I spoke with the common-man. He was easy to find. He had a deep-fried Twinkie on a stick in one hand. I searched and I searched. But regardless of effort and sweat, I didn’t find answers to the questions that plagued me most. In fact, after eight years of Obama carnage, I had more questions than answers. Then President Donald J. Trump’s historic and totally awesome 2016 win opened my eyes and revealed my hatred of all things American, especially, AMC Pacers.
Those were really-ugly cars. I don’t think they were evil, but they were certainly ugly. However, if Hillary or Nancy were to so much as lean against an AMC Pacer, then that car would be evil and become an acceptable mode of transportation for anyone deemed evil by the Committee for the Outing of Evil People. Copyright 2018 Jim Riggins.
It was with President Trump’s really-cool win that I saw all spectrums of light; inferred and black. My eyes were opened to bent light, LED and the green light that shines from Green Lantern’s lantern. In President Trump’s glorious win that historians will totally regale for generations to come, all the fog and confusion lifted like an angel from my mind and revealed evil thoughts. My democrat, traitorous beliefs and actions all poured out of me in one big pour of shame.
I could see clearly for the first time in my life thanks to the totally most-awesome president in the history of history, a history which, by the way, reader, is not as old as many of us were taught in Planned Parenthood-funded commie, public schools. According to my more spiritual friends, turns out the earth is only a few thousand years old, which is a fortunate turn of events as I can’t remember all those periods anyway. Creosustaciacazime period? Give me a break.
As alluded to above in grammar that I hope Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, approves, I realized my prime directive in life on the night of Trump’s way-better-victory than Obama’s. In the interest of full disclosure to the reader, I am not sure how long my search for a mission in life took. It did take a considerable amount of time. I know that much. I didn’t keep very good records, so some information is missing. And I really wish that I’d kept all my receipts.
And the mission? Again, with all gratitude to the totally-greatest-president-in-history president, I now realize that my calling in life is to help resolve some of the differences that are tearing apart this great country the way Hillary totally tears apart all the stuff she tears apart because she is way more evil than Nancy Pelosi, who, if the reader will recall, is pretty evil. I just remembered Chuck Schumer at this very moment but, again, I’m not sure where he fits into the democrat hierarchy of evil.
It is my considered opinion, however, that he has lost some of his evil mojo over the last couple of years due to his minority-leader status. However, however, he is quite Jewy, so I believe his evilness really has no expiration date. As an Atheist, I can only guess that since Jews have been evil for a couple thousand years, Chuck will be at least moderately evil for years to come. If I’m not mistaken, his tribe may have taken part in some act or another that rubs Christians the wrong way.
Returning to my mission, reader. It is to find common ground on issues that can and should be resolved to benefit this great nation. It is to advance conversations past the point where we just scream horrible names at each and knock Mitch McConnel’s to-go box out of his hand. Most importantly, it is to reach out to my fellow democrats and pass on the wisdom that I have learned since the President’s totally awesome win for the ages.
This learning taught me that my democrat friends and I are too rigid in our principles. We are too set in our beliefs and our expectations for how Presidents of the United States should conduct themselves. My sobering conclusion is that we America-hating democrats, as a party, are entirely too married to our principles to meet Trump supporters half way.
Unfortunately, how to bridge this divide is still quite unclear. How do people who believe in science and the truth learn to compromise their principles enough to reach across the aisle and work with Trump’s Christian supporters and the American Nazi Party to make America great again? A questionnaire was the answer.
Through diligence and determination, I created a list of places where I think democrats, many independents and some moderate republicans can work with the Trump party to help ensure the United States of America remains atop the list of greatest nations on earth for all time or until the democrat party destroys it with their irresponsible policies that do not funnel enough of the nation’s wealth to extraordinarily wealthy republican donors who raise everybody’s boats with their generosity and who, truly, do worry about foisting more crushing debt on future generations. Honest.
However, as with many of my democrat friends, I simply do not know which principles we democrat traitors need to compromise and to what extent in-order-to meet Trump supporters halfway.
These include tax cuts for the rich and how to make soup with available grasses and leaves in the area in the very highly unlikely event that trickle-down economics do not work this time as promised by the party of fiscal responsibility and send the country into an even deeper recession than the last one and, again, lead to the loss of millions of jobs, people’s life savings and any home equity they were fortunate enough to accrue due to President Reagan’s tax cuts that always lead to surpluses. Look it up, commie.
Below, I listed areas where I think democrats can certainly consider abandoning every principle we ever had to find common ground with Trump supporters. Hopefully, patriots in the Trump party can, in turn, extent a tentative hand and explain how and where Trump-Supporting Christians feel commie, job-killing, big-government, gun-stealin’ American-haters can lower our principles enough to meet the standards of patriots that feel their freedom is being stolen and that the American dream is being trampled upon and so on and so forth.
Please note, reader, that strong language and adult content will be used in future writing as the President of the United States of America gave me the right to use them and I am, after all, writing about Trump Christians, playah.