I do a Facebook page for my local church. A few days ago, I posted an excerpt from Winnie the Pooh and was surprised at the reactions it received. The post was a story where Pooh and Piglet hadn’t seen Eeyore for a few days so they checked on him. He was sad, per usual, so they they just sat with him. It received several hundred shares, and many comments. Oddly, I also got several private messages from that post.
Usually I only get PM’s if someone is clarifying church times, or saying that trolls are on the page again. These messages were from people saying they were lonely. One man said, “The pooh story made me cry. There is no one who would visit me and just sit. The last time someone hugged me was at my brother’s funeral five years ago. Please send pooh and piglet to my house even eeyore would be my friend.” Another person said, “thanks for posting this I went to sleep thinking that Poo sat there and it made me happy” . One said, “I am Eeyore and there is never a Pooh or Piglet. I keep waiting.” The others were more detailed, but they were notes about loneliness and wishing someone would be there, give them a hand to hold.
It was also remarkable that at least three of the comments were apparently from men. The demographics of those who follow the church page are overwhelmingly women- something like 74%. So this post obviously hit some guys right in the feels. Why?
I got to looking, and found articles from the last ten years that talk about how people in the US, especially men, are touch-starved.
www.theguardian.com/…
www.vice.com/…
www.psychologytoday.com/…
There is evidence that touch starvation can contribute to violence, depression and disordered thinking. humanismbyjoe.co/…
But it didn’t used to be that way. We used to allow men to hold hands, hug, be close. We showed platonic affection in more physical ways. I think we need that again.
While looking at this topic online, I found this post on Tumblr: thehumon.tumblr.com/…
It has come to my attention that most people don’t know this about Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and that’s a goddamn crime against humanity.
Back when they were young and poor they had to share a single person bed for nine months. As Pegg put it, they started out sleeping head to feet, but after kicking each other in the face one too many times they started sleeping head to head. It wasn’t long after that that they gave up on being macho “no touchy” dudes and just snuggled up during bedtime. In the morning they “couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended”.
That’s why they’re so cuddly today. They’re so physically close that it worried Frost’s fiance at the time and she asked them to never share a bed again after she got married to Frost. The night before the wedding Frost wasn’t allowed to see her anyway, so Pegg dropped by his house so they could share a bed one last time (Frost since got a divorce though). Pegg’s wife has no objections to any of this. If it’s important to her hubby, who is she to judge.
Pegg recommend all male friends to try sharing a bed. If it turns out you want to fuck each other, great, you’re going to have a lot of fun. If you don’t want to fuck each other, well, then nothing happens anyway.
(Side note: That’s also why there’s so many photos of Edgar Wright cuddling up to various guys. He learned that from Pegg and Frost. They created a cuddle monster that can’t be stopped)
I also found that almost half of the US feels lonely. www.marketwatch.com/…
The UK considers loneliness an epidemic: www.theguardian.com/…
So many young men are socialized to think that platonic touch is ‘gay’, or inappropriate. Generation Z (adults ages 18-22) is the loneliest generation and claims to be in worse health than people older than them. Social media can cause “Facebook Depression”. So many older people no longer have extended families to reach out to, and neighborhoods may not be the close circle that they once were. So many people are lonely that they reach out to strangers on a facebook page to tell of their sadness. We are lonely. We need hugs.
So, what happened to the people who PM’d the Facebook page? One got hooked up with a liberal Christian church in his area that had a weekly meet and greet potluck night. One got a referral to a local senior center in his area to volunteer to walk dogs from a shelter as a group. One called the Trevor Project, and they contacted a local UU pastor on their own. One said he had drunk posted and blocked our page. The others haven’t answered.
With the help of some friends, we are putting together some ideas of ways people can fight loneliness, both for themselves and others. A list of creative resources would be great too. I would love help with this. Feel free to comment your ideas and links, or just your observations. Thanks!