From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE
Oh! More Things I Know…
» If Barack Obama was still in the White House, and did what Trump just did, every newspaper headline this morning would read: PRESIDENT FREES ISIS.
» Every international scandal involving a Republican politician will eventually be connected to a strip club.
» Trump stooge Corey Lewandowski's assertion before Congress that "I have no obligation to be honest with the media" should be etched in stone and posted in every newsroom in America.
» The worst part for me about fighting in this second Civil War is saddle sores. The second worst part is sucking in a bunch of campfire smoke while playing the harmonica at dusk.
» We're now at the point where we have to consult with sitting Republican members of Congress to tell us which of the president's insane statements are serious and which are jokes before we're allowed to react to them.
» The media need to stop saying that Russia is "meddling" in our elections. Meddling is what Mom does when she doesn't approve of her daughter's boyfriend. What Russia’s doing is blitzkrieging us with cyber warfare.
» I'm close to implementing a new business model that will crush Jeff Bezos. It's like Amazon.com except everything you buy comes packed in bacon wrap.
» Donald Trump Halloween masks will be poor sellers this year because people have a powerful aversion to getting punched in the face.
» I'm still waiting for the release of that audiotape where Michelle Obama uses the term "Whitey." I hear it's coming out any day now!
» Most people think I work in the nude until they catch the glare from my Saran Wrap overalls.
» The fact that it took Nickelback less than a day to force Trump to remove a music video he'd posted without permission can mean only one thing: Nickelback should be put in charge of enforcing House subpoenas.
» All the conspiracy theorists are plotting against me!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 10, 2019
Note: The six-week C&J advanced hydraulics workshop has been cancelled on account of we don't know anything about advanced hydraulics. Sorry about that.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full "hunters moon": 3
Days `til the Wellfleet Oysterfest in Massachusetts: 9
Amount Americans accrued in medical debt last year, according to a study by Gallup and West Health: $88 billion
Percent of Americans who believe Trump thinks he's above the law, according to a Quinnipiac poll: 56%
Percent who believe he's abusing his power: 55%
Number of 737 Max jets Boeing has sold since June (a luxury version to a "mystery buyer"): 1
Number of seconds it takes with your eyes off the road to double your risk of a crash, according to Triple-A: 2
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
We can now safely assert that W. has stacked much of the federal government with people like himself. And what you get when you put people in charge of government who don’t believe in government and who are not interested in running it well is … what happened after Hurricane Katrina.
Often in the past six years I have bit my tongue so I wouldn’t annoy people with the always obnoxious observation, “I told you so.” But, dammit it all to hell, I did tell you, and I’ve been telling you since 1994, and I am so sick of this man and everything he represents—all the sleazy, smug, self-righteous graft and corruption and “Christian” moralizing and cynicism and tax cuts for all his smug, rich buddies.
Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.
—September 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Family time...
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CHEERS to famous firsts. Well knock me down and call me a clueless Caucasian. I didn't realize that history was being made down south this week. This is big:
The capital of Alabama, the city where the US civil rights movement was born, has elected the first black mayor in its 200-year history. Steven Reed, a county probate judge, beat local TV station owner David Woods by a decisive majority to become mayor of Montgomery. […]
Mr. Reed's victory has been hailed as a historic day for the city, which was the first capital of the slave-owning Confederate States of America in the 1800s. Now a majority-black city, Montgomery is where the bus boycott movement, led by African-American activist Rosa Parks, originated in 1955, paving the way for broader civil rights demands. […]
Born in Montgomery, Mr Reed earned a BA from Morehouse College and an MBA from Vanderbilt University before becoming a financial analyst. In 2012, he was elected as a probate judge for Montgomery County, the first black man to hold that position.
On his Day 1 agenda when he's sworn in next month: create job opportunities, build affordable housing, transition to clean energy, improve education, eliminate racism, and then break for lunch.
CHEERS to having a gay old time. Unfortunately, Bernie had to back out to continue recovering from his recent heart attack, but the nine other leading Democratic candidates will participate in tonight's LGBT-themed town hall discussions, sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign and airing on CNN live from Los Angeles. Here's the lineup with start times (Eastern Time):
7:30 Cory
8:00 Joe
8:30 Pete
9:00 Elizabeth
9:30 Kamala
10:00 Beto
10:30 Amy
11:00 Julián
11:30 Tom
I'll be scoring them on how well they weigh in on issues like employment rights, health care, hate crimes, adoption, religious discrimination, military service, safe schools, and handicapping the contestants on the next season of RuPaul's Drag Race. I don't expect there'll be a lot of daylight between their opinions and policies, so as usual it'll come down to the most important part: their glitter-tossing skills.
CHEERS and JEERS to judicial whiplash. Speeding car…
A federal judge on Monday dismissed President Donald Trump’s lawsuit seeking to block the release of his personal and corporate tax returns to the Manhattan district attorney, who is conducting a criminal investigation related to the president’s company. U.S. District Judge Victor Marrero’s ruling flatly rejected what he called the “extraordinary claim” by Trump that while president he is immune not only from criminal prosecution but also from being criminally investigated by a state prosecutor or anyone else. “This Court finds aspects of such a doctrine repugnant to the nation’s governmental structure and constitutional values.”
…meet wall:
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit on Monday granted President Donald Trump a last-minute reprieve in his effort to prevent New York prosecutors from obtaining his tax records. The stay was issued not long after a federal judge rejected Trump’s claim that he was immune from criminal investigations in a bid to block a subpoena from the Manhattan district attorney seeking eight years of personal and business tax returns.
An appellate panel will hear the case "on an expedited basis and then issue a ruling." In the meantime, please peruse our lovely assortment of neck braces and collision insurance options in the C&J gift shop.
JEERS to a teeth-grinding milestone in the history of human insanity. Here’s something Ellen DeGeneres might find useful while thinking about her recently-announced friendship with George W. Bush. Seventeen years—nearly a full generation—ago today, on October 10, 2002, the House took leave of its senses and said "Okely Dokely" by a 296-133 margin to let President Bush go to war against Iraq without actually, y'know, declaring war. I can hit the highlights of the ensuing debacle from memory without going anywhere near the Google. I know you know the words, too, so feel free to sing along:
Smoking gun/mushroom cloud, yellowcake from Niger (not!), MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF WMDs!!!, Shock and Awe, Saddam spokesman "Baghdad Bob" declares victory over USA, Saddam statue pulled down and beaten with shoes, war will be over "in weeks," it'll cost only $1.7 billion, looting is OK because "free people are free to do what they want” …
Viceroy Bremer disbands Iraqi military, U.N. building blown up, Saddam sons Don Jr. and Eric Uday & Qusay lose gunfight, body and vehicle armor inadequate, disheveled Saddam found in spider hole, Sunni vs. Shia vs. Kurds vs. Christians, WMDs WILL BE FOUND in "Tikrit and Baghdad and areas north, east, west and south somewhat," Saddam snacks on Doritos in captivity, suicide bombs explode morning noon and night, Abu Ghraib, Saddam's hanging caught on phone-cams, WHERE ARE THE WMDs???, al Qaeda recruitment skyrockets, "You go to war with the army you have not the army you wish to have," stunning incompetence among U.S. civilian leadership, insurgency "is in its last throes" (not!), casualty rate among troops and civilians appallingly high, "THOSE WMDS HAVE GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE!", no-bid contracts to Bush-Cheney cronies, spotty electricity and raw sewage, no sweets and flowers, the surge, Blackwater mercenaries commit atrocities, Iraqi parliament models itself on our Congress by not doing anything and spending half its time on vacation, faulty wiring electrocutes troops in showers, 26 additional reasons given by neocons for starting the war when NO WMDs ARE FOUND, Bush barely dodges shoes thrown at his head, Obama supervises orderly pullout as $2.4 trillion+ gets plunked on America's credit card and blows hole in deficit. Tea Party deficit hawks shrug.
The biggest cheerleaders of the war that lasted eight effing years still say they'd love to do Iraq all over again if they could. With one small difference. Knowing what a marathon it'd be, next time they'd definitely do more carbo-loading.
CHEERS to cool science. The Nobel Prize-a-palooza continued yesterday with the chemistry medallions (which are a bit tougher than veal medallions, but still tasty). As usual, they went to…wait for it…NERDS!! And, unlike most years, I can actually understand what they're winning it for:
The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 2019 rewards the development of the lithium-ion battery. This lightweight, rechargeable and powerful battery is now used in everything from mobile phones to laptops and electric vehicles. It can also store significant amounts of energy from solar and wind power, making possible a fossil fuel-free society.
Stanley Whittingham worked on developing methods that could lead to fossil fuel-free energy technologies. He started to research superconductors and discovered an extremely energy-rich material, which he used to create an innovative cathode in a lithium battery. … John Goodenough predicted that the cathode would have even greater potential if it was made using a metal oxide instead of a metal sulphide. … With Goodenough’s cathode as a basis, Akira Yoshino created the first commercially viable lithium-ion battery in 1985.
The result was a lightweight, hardwearing battery that could be charged hundreds of times before its performance deteriorated.
Naturally, as soon as Republicans heard that the trio won for work supporting a fossil fuel-free world, they immediately yelled "Fake Nobel!" and called for a do-over. As for the rest of the week, the literature prize is announced today and the coveted Peace Prize gets awarded tomorrow. Spoiler alert for both: ain't Trump.
JEERS to the original nattering nabob of negativism. On October 10, 1973, Vice President Spiro Agnew resigned in disgrace. His exit was in stark contrast to the first veep to leave while in office:
John C. Calhoun, the Seventh Vice President of the United States, did so toward the end of his second term, after the election of 1832, when his successor—Martin Van Buren—had already been selected. Calhoun was one of the great statesmen of his day, and quit the vice presidency after the South Carolina legislature voted to send him to the US Senate.
Agnew, by contrast, quit the vice presidency after pleading no contest to a tax evasion charge. It turned out he'd been taking bribes since the early days of his career in Maryland, and continued to do so after becoming vice president.
Poor guy was ahead of his time. Forty-six years later tax evasion is the biggest plank in the Republican party platform.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 10, 2009
CHEERS to wingnut whiplash. What's that little saying about he who laughs last? Gee, I forget. But this I know: today Republicans are wandering around aimlessly in stony disbelief, having learned that, while he didn’t win the Olympics last week (and does anybody really think Rio wasn't going to get it?), Barack Obama did become the first sitting United States President since Woodrow Wilson to win the Nobel Peace Prize this week. From the citation:
Obama has as President created a new climate in international politics. Multilateral diplomacy has regained a central position, with emphasis on the role that the United Nations and other international institutions can play. Dialogue and negotiations are preferred as instruments for resolving even the most difficult international conflicts.
[...]
Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future. His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world's population.
Congratulations, Mr. President and congratulations, America. And if it makes you feel any better, li'l Republicans: if the committee ever gives out a Nobel War Prize, you'll win in a walk. (You guys should start a petition...or hold a rally!)
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And just one more…
CHEERS to welcoming our new neighbors. Can you even imagine the euphoria that would engulf every earthling from Bismarck to Bali if we discovered that Earth had a second moon? That would be fricking uhhh-mazing. So I’m thinkin’ the Saturnians must be coming out of their tentacle socks over this news…
Astronomers just announced that they’ve found 20 new moons orbiting the ringed planet. Twenty! That’s quite a load. It makes Saturn the record-holder for number of moons with 82; a dozen new moons were recently discovered around Jupiter, giving it 79. Saturn has that easily beat…for now. […]
The moons are interesting. Out of the 20, 17 orbit Saturn backwards, or retrograde, which means in the opposite sense of Saturn’s rotation. They also all have about the same inclination angle, meaning their orbits are all tilted to Saturn’s equator by roughly the same amount (between 140° and 180°, where 0° would be prograde—orbiting in the same sense as Saturn—directly above its equator, and 90° would be a perfectly polar orbit). This is a strong indicator they all had the same origin, probably two moons colliding or one moon getting hit by a comet or asteroid long ago.
And this is cool: the Carnegie Institute for Science is having a contest to name the moons. Click here for details. But please don’t submit Candy Corn Sparkle Pony Yoda Island. That's mine. Repeat: mine.
Oh, and please take a moment to leave a message to be woven into the community quilt for Dixiecollie, who is about to embark on a year of chemo. Thanks! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I'm not sending Bill in Portland Maine to jail yet, but it's good to know I have that ability. There have to be some consequences for the violation of the kiddie pool health code 16,000 times."
—Judge Sallie Kim
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