December 5th, 2019, News Corp Headquarters, New York, NY, 4:15PM Eastern
Earlier today Rupert Murdoch signed contracts with the Cattle Council of Australia, the Associação dos Criadores de Mato Grosso, the Associação Nacional dos Confinadores de Brasil, the Canadian Cattlemen's Association, the Confederación Nacional de Organizaciones Ganaderas, the Asociación Rural de Paraguay, Beef + Lamb New Zealand, the Instituto de Promoción de la Carne Vacuna Argentina, the European Commission Committee for the common organisation for the agricultural markets, the Kobe Beef Association and the National Cattlemen's Beef Association for the purchase of all stockpiles and future production of bull excrement at a premium of 45% over the current market price.
Other than India, who prohibits it’s export, Turkey, Russia and China were the only major producers to deny Murdoch control of their output. A Murdoch representative, speaking on background, suggested that those countries need all that they have to help quell internal dissent.
With these deals, Murdoch will control around 74% of the world’s entire supply of bullshit. Murdoch was forced to take these steps, as he is responding to significant problems he is facing in his continuing coverage and support of Donald tRump. News Corp is depleting its available stock at a rate more than 100 times greater than their current rate of resupply. By going all in on cornering the world supply, Murdoch is declaring his clearly stated aim is to test the maxim: There isn’t enough bullshit in the world to save tRump’s presidency.
Current plans are to use the mostly vacant tRump Tower and other struggling tRump properties in Manhattan as storage silos. Hannity, Ingraham, Carlson and the Couch Potatoes have all volunteered to get their hands dirtier and jump in with both feet to locate and savor the choicest bits.
In another bit of criminal self-dealing, tRump is expected to rescind all tariffs on the import of bullshit by executive order later this evening, insuring a substantial kickback from Murdoch. It is unclear who will actually create the paper corporation used to hide the transaction, now that Giuliani is under so much scrutiny.
It is also unclear what Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage will do, now that their principle supplier has opted to cut them off and accept Murdoch’s windfall.
News Corp has promised they will continue to supply the White House and republican members of Congress with all the bullshit they can shout, although they are requesting that the use be somewhat less profligate and that the members only fling it when there are at least three cameras available so as to magnify the impact.
Industry experts are pessimistic about the viability of Murdoch’s attempt, as they feel there really isn’t enough bullshit in the world to satisfy the demand from the White House, let alone Congress and the Fox Infotainment Network. One prediction suggests that secondary Fox personalities and obscure republican congresspersons will be forced to start telling the truth early in 2020 as the projections show White House usage increasing exponentially in the new year.
This morning’s roundup was produced by BeeD. It has goats. Good News Roundup, Thursday, December 5, 2019:"Everyone Gets Noodles"
And we have some more eco-news from Mokurai: Renewable Thursday: Oil and Gaslighting III, by the "EcoRight"