The Livermore Institute for Abiding Ridicule, Scorn and Absolute Disdain has put out an emergency call for new and innovative slurs, insults, putdowns and snide comments. Since the advent of tRump and the corresponding exponentially increased need for biting, stinging or even nettling commentary our national stockpile of invective has dwindled to an all-time low. We are just days away from not being able to ridicule tRump with any semblance of originality.
As you are aware, familiarity breeds contempt. Just looks at how much more contemptible tRump has become the more we’ve gotten to know about him. The folks at LIARSAD are worried that without new needles to stick in the tRump doll, he’ll be able to ignore all the slings and arrows of deserved denunciation that currently make him look like a giant orange porcupine with constipation.
We’ve already exhausted all things orange. We’re almost completely crapped out (and much thinner because of it). There are no new long-haired rodents with ridiculous comb-overs left to identify. Telling him to his face “Urine idiot” is only funny the first 3 or 4 hundred times. The situation has become truly desperate.
Here at the NNNE Institute for Language™ we’ve come up with some suggestions to help us through the crisis:
- Nancicated — The resulting mess after the Speaker chews him up and spits him out.
- Putuppet — A person subject to a Russian type of string pulling.
- Cowowned — To describe a person who sues fictional cows.
- Donjer level — The likelihood of Don Jr saying something incriminating and/or stupid.
- Gymerasty — When someone covers up credible accusations of pederasty and then shouts his denials.
- Colostomites — tRump’s inner circle. The people tasked with collecting and hiding all of his nasty shit.
By making functional illiterates like tRump puzzle over what he’s being called, we distract him from whatever act of spontaneous cruelty he’s minutes away from releasing into the countryside. When tRump has to call on Ivanka to dumbsplain whatever concept his tiny fingers can’t grasp, it keeps him away from another brazen attempt to screw the planet for personal gain for as long as it takes her to stutter her way through a malformed infantile explanation he can follow. And, if he’s still miffed he may forget what evil he was going to do when the next shiny squirrel runs across the Faux Noise chiron, or because he has that driving need to overreact to any criticism.
Those of us here at NNNE Enterprises, LLC can’t do this by ourselves. We need all of you budding wordsmiths to flood the planet with new shots across tRump’s bow and plucked brow and nasty large fundament and perfectly formed teeny tiny liddle’ hands. Working together we can keep him tweeting his way into retirement (and prison).
Ok, I just can’t let this one go. Earlier today tRump finished his tweet whining about impeachment with the phrase referring to voters “… they don’t want our greatest of all presidents impeached.”
Goodie does the Saturday roundup. This one will leave you hungry for more: We Have The Recipe For Success: Saturday's Good News