Dateline, Washington DC, The White House, tRump’s Brain December 9th, 2020
The science staff here at the NNNE United To Save Our Republic With Scientifically Ingenious Crazy Karmic Observational Stuff™ figured out a way to eavesdrop on tRump’s innermost thoughts. We were able to piggyback on the groundbreaking Microwave oven wiretapp technology by using a Fox cancelling algorithm and thus gain direct access to the tRumpian mind.
First off, it’s a very scary place. There’s just not a lot there. While looking around for stray thoughts, our team mapped out a vast empty space where most people store general knowledge, vocabulary, problem solving skills and glove sizing charts. In this area of tRump’s brain we only found a few hundred conceptual nodes and a rudimentary guide for puzzling out how to pronounce unfamiliar words.
After exhaustive search, it was determined he has no moral core, no ethical impulses, no common sense, no empathy or compassion center, no honorable thoughts and no guiding principals. In short, his brain is bereft of all of the qualities that we admire most in our fellow humans.
One of the three largest areas of activity is his gluttony center, where he flashes between burnt steaks slathered in ketchup, cold hamberders slathered in ketchup, diet cokes and chocolate cake in a continuous loop. This, and the accompanying drool response accounts for fully 19% of all his conscious thoughts.
More troubling is his overcompensation cluster (22% of his thoughts), where he deals with his vague feelings (because vague are the only kind of feelings he has) of inadequacy regarding his father’s approval, his hand size, his sexual shortcomings, his business failures, his unfitness for office and his general paranoia about everything. This cluster is an organizational mess. He conflates and confuses, distorts and denies his vacuous proto-thoughts into a frenzied spiral of less than baseless conspiracy theories, inane excuses for abominable behavior and lies so banal as to be laughable. When the resulting word salad escapes his lips, his listeners are left with no idea what he’s talking about or any hope of figuring one out. To call him inarticulate is to do a grave disservice to those who have trouble expressing themselves. It is highly likely that trees or rocks make better conversational partners.
By the way, we had to shut off access to the large Ivanka focus, as the overly explicit imagery in that lobe of tRump’s brain sent two of our researchers off to intensive therapy and brain bleaching within seconds of exposure. Based on the content of some of their distressed utterances, it seems tRump really did want to date his daughter, just like he said on The View in 2006.
Finally we arrive at his revenge matrix. He spends fully 61% of every waking moment obsessing over getting even for slights, real and imagined. This is where we see his most organized thinking, albeit not particularly coherant. Although he can’t, for the most part, remember names, he has a very simple Pavlovian response to most stimuli. It goes something like this:
UGH ME TRUMP. ME ALL WAYS RITE. ME SMASH. ME SMASH GUD.
There are a lot of disturbing visuals associated with this response pattern, mostly having to do with exotic tortures used on dissidents in Saudi Arabia. By any metric, tRump is the vessel for a terribly sick mind.
The two most credible theories of the actual content of tRump’s head.
The more limited fruit loops model has a maximum of 6 concepts (flavors) all of which have holes in them.
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The skittles model supports more than 40 different concepts (flavors), but they are all small and, aside from color, generally indistinguishable.
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This morning’s roundup was created by Jessiestaff: Monday Good News Roundup: More money less problems edition
And Mokurai’s Renewables can be found here: Renewable Monday: New Climate Models Give Hope; COP25 Update