From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Let 'Em Hear Us (Again)
After ordering the assassination of that real-life Iranian James Bond villain, our Adderall Snorter-in-Chief issued the following statement yesterday:
"Hrrf hrrr drr bardle argey smargle.
[Snifffffffff]
Brrdrrr herrfurrff hurrr!
Gah bresh de Unished Shtets."
What that means is anyone's guess. But now that we know Cadet Bone Spurs is willing to use the weight of our military in the most volatile region of the world to try and distract us from HIS IMPEACHMENT and HIS LOOMING IMPEACHMENT TRIAL, it's time to send a nationwide message to him and his useful saber-rattling idiots. Daily Kos is a partner with MoveOn and several other groups in this evening's nationwide No War With Iran rallies:
When Trump acts with ignorance, fear, and ego, we will act with diplomacy and prioritize what is best for humanity.
People in the United States and across the globe are tired of war, from the military families who have seen multiple generations in the same conflicts, to the Iranian, Iraqi and Afghani families in the United States who worry for their loved ones back home.
Tonight at 5 p.m. local time, the anti-war majority in this country will get visible to oppose Trump's war and say #NoWarWithIran.
Already, we've seen Trump's actions unleash xenophobia, with Iranian-Americans detained at the border in Washington state and asked about their political allegiance. That's not the country we want to build in 2020.
There are over 300 events planned. You can search out and confirm the time of the one near you, or organize one of your own, here. Pro tip: wear warm socks.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, January 9, 2020
Note: Sorry, no pony rides this morning. Daddy's been drinking.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring training baseball games start: 43
Days 'til the Zlatne Uste Golden Festival in Brooklyn: 8
Percent of Trump's trade-war import taxes that have been paid for by American consumers and businesses, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research: 100%
Year during which America's baby boomers (born 1946-1964) were on track to become outnumbered by millennials (born 1981-1996): 2019
Drop in your chance of getting your tax returns audited, versus 10 years ago: 50%
Republican president Donald Trump's approval rating in Maryland, and Republican governor Larry Hogan's approval rating in Maryland, respectively, per a new Gonzales Research poll: 37%, 75%
Minimum amount the estate of Merv Griffin has made off of his theme for Jeopardy!: $80 million
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Oh boy! Starting the year off briskly, lending it such tone already, such cachet, such je ne sais quoi—those Republicans are so special, aren't they? Their first move, first rat out of the trap, top priority: lower ethics standards. Yessiree, this 2005 is going to be quite a year.
Let's put that to a vote. Many problems before us—Iraq, a Social Security "crisis," a real health care crisis, world terrorism, our international reputation possibly at its lowest ever ... who is in favor of lowering ethics standards first? Who thinks ethics standards in Washington are too high? […]
Now, I'm not going to conclude that Fascism Is Upon Us just because we have an administration that not only can't find the Constitution but apparently doesn't know there is one. Too early in the year for that. Long way to go. Got to save your indignation. But it is unpleasantly reminiscent of Watergate, isn't it? That's what we're looking at here, folks—not just constitutional deafness, but moral turp as well. All we need is one bag job and an alert night security man.
—January 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Game of catch?
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CHEERS to using your editing Sharpie. As I write this, there seems to be an uneasy truce on Day 7 of World War Trump. So, during the pause, it's worth reiterating that the assassination of Iranian Archduke Fuckety McFuckface was chosen by Trump from a "menu" of retaliatory options presented to him by Defense Department officials, who claimed that it was the one option so outrageous and unthinkable that he would certainly go with one of the "more realistic" options. But lest you think the Pentagon was being needlessly reckless, here's an exclusive look at some of the other options they actually left off the list because they were deemed too provocative and/or war-crimey:
✔ Force the country to replace their health care system with Trumpcare
✔ Airdrop Melania into Tehran to give a "Be Best" lecture
✔ Scramble B-52s to blanket the entire country in a coating of pumpkin spice
✔ Jam their TV signals and replace them with the 24/7 Jim Bakker Channel
✔ Covertly infiltrate Iran's hotel industry and drag their health code standards down to Trump Resort levels
✔ Make their survival dependent on the demands of Iowa caucusgoers
✔ Throw a burqa on Betsy DeVos and put her in charge of the country's education system
✔ Replace all their one-flush toilets with 15-flush toilets
Thank god for restraint.
CHEERS to broken promises. Sorry, coal miners. Trump isn't bringing back, nor did he have any intention of bringing back, your jobs. Nothing personal, just reality. And, as a result, here's the up side of that:
The findings of the new University of California San Diego study published this week in Nature Sustainability use the U.S. transition in recent years from coal towards natural gas for electric power generation to study the local impacts of coal-fired unit shutdowns. While the shift from coal to natural gas has reduced carbon dioxide emissions overall, it has also changed local pollution levels at hundreds of areas around the country. […]
[B]etween 2005 and 2016, the shutdown of coal-fired units saved an estimated 26,610 lives and 570 million bushels of corn, soybeans and wheat in their immediate vicinities. The inverse calculation, estimating the damages caused by coal plants left in operation over that same time period, suggests they contributed to 329,417 premature deaths and the loss of 10.2 billion bushels of crops, roughly equivalent to half of year’s typical production in the U.S. … These findings suggest that switching to more modern forms of energy production could have unforeseen or additional advantages for public welfare than just a decrease in CO2 emissions.
Here's one of my favorite unforeseen advantages: evil coal barons in bankruptcy court.
CHEERS to the Nutmeg State. Happy 232nd birthday to Connecticut, which popped out of the womb of freedom on this date in 1788, becoming the fifth state in the union. It's responsible for giving us the nuclear submarine, Pez candy, lollipops, the Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, beloved Daily Kos front-pager Greg Dworkin, Governor Ned Lamont, and Senators Chris Murphy and Dick Blumenthal. And also Joe Lieberman. Oh well…nobody's perfect.
JEERS to folding like a cheap suit. Meanwhile, in impeachment world, Republicans in the Senate are all like, "Give us the articles of impeachment so we can immediately throw them in the garbage and drag the Democrat party through the mud!" And Democrats are all like, "Yeah! Give Republicans those articles of impeachment so our fine Republican colleagues across the aisle can immediately throw them in the garbage and drag our party through the mud!" So it goes…
A growing number of Democratic senators are saying it's time for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) to submit the articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump to the Senate.
"We are reaching a point where the articles of impeachment should be sent,"Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), told reporters Wednesday. […] Sens. Chris Murphy (D-CT), and Joe Manchin (D-WV), both told The Washington Post on Tuesday that they believe it's time to transmit the articles.
Even the beloved "Mustache of Independence" from my state—Senator Angus King (I-ME)—is throwing in the towel, saying: "I think it's going to be very hard for somebody to vote against calling witnesses." But somehow I'm confident Mitch McConnell will find a way.
CHEERS to being a statistic. One year ago at this time I was gearing up for round 8 of chemotherapy at the oncology wing of Mercy Hospital, a bi-weekly event that would shut me down for a minimum of three days and cause me to trade my allegiance to the invisible god in the sky for the ones I could see in the bottles of anti-nausea meds that were never out of arm's reach. Not to toot my own immune system’s horn (it plays Battle Hymn of the Republic when you squeeze it), but the treatment was successful and today I'm still alive and kickin'. Happy to say, I'm not the only one:
The death rate from cancer in the United States saw the largest ever single-year decline between 2016 and 2017 since rates began declining in 1992, according to a new report from the American Cancer Society. The increased survival rate was mainly due to advances in the treatment of lung cancer.
This deceleration in lung cancer deaths spurred an overall drop in cancer mortality of 2.2% from 2016 to 2017, according to the report. Lung cancer is the leading cause of death from cancer in the United States, accounting for about 27% of all cancer deaths—more than breast, prostate, colorectal, and brain cancers combined. [...]
The decline in mortality from melanoma, the deadliest type of skin cancer, was also dramatic, according to the report. … Notably, death from melanoma decreased in people aged 65 years and older, a group where melanoma rates were increasing prior to 2013.
Even better: with diet, exercise, healthy turnout, and a lot of drugs to get us through the next 10 months, experts are hopeful we can eradicate 100% of the cancer on the presidency by November 4th. Expect some hair loss, though, between now and then.
P.S. As if to put an exclamation point on the above news, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg announced yesterday that she’s cancer-free—the fourth time she’s kicked it to the curb. If you need her for anything this morning, she’ll be out in the parking lot bench-pressing her Studebaker.
CHEERS to world peace...or some approximation thereof. On January 9, 1951, the United Nations headquarters officially opened in New York City. From its preamble:
WE THE PEOPLES OF THE UNITED NATIONS DETERMINED
• to save succeeding generations from the scourge of war, which twice in our lifetime has brought untold sorrow to mankind, and
• to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small, and
• to establish conditions under which justice and respect for the obligations arising from treaties and other sources of international law can be maintained, and
• to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom.
The U.N. drives conservative paranoids crazy because they think the men and women in the blue helmets are going to impose martial law and take control of our cities and towns without any regard for the principles of democracy. GOP, thy name is Projection.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 9, 2010
JEERS to stomping on the dreams of children...and the soul of the nation. Mark McGwire finally came out publicly and admitted that he abused steroids. Gee, I didn’t know asterisks could talk.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to decent piano playing skills. That's one of the few positive things I can say about Richard Nixon, who was born on this date in 1913. Said the late, great Andy Rooney: "I forget how Richard Nixon got elected. It makes you wonder about our democratic system of government. I mean, how could we have done that?" And in their great book Rating the Presidents, Bill Ridings, Jr. and Stuart McIver unwittingly fire back at the Trump cult who once complained that President Obama put his feet up on his desk:
Since he liked to sit with his feet on the desk, his heels left scars.
Once, while he was abroad, someone had the mahogany surface refinished. Nixon was not pleased: "Dammit, I didn't order that. I want to leave my mark on this place just like the other presidents."
Richard Milhous Nixon left his mark, but it was more than scuff marks on a desktop. The mark he left behind was a scar on a nation he betrayed. In the cause of peace he achieved an enviable record in foreign affairs, proving himself a highly-effective president. Then he threw it all away.
For his 107th birthday, I got him the usual gift certificate to his favorite clothing store: The 18½ Minute GAP.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
If you care about Cheers and Jeers in 2020, please seek help
—Jezebel
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